Ah yes, CSBF. It can save your life, save your sanity, allow you to relax, and cause you to seem less desperate. But is it healthy? Let’s investigate a little further. First off, for those of you unfamiliar with the term, CSBF= Casual Sex Between Friends. On with the pro’s.
Pro’s:
- Sex
- Drunken silly meaningless sex
- Hot drunken silly meaningless sex
- Having a friend to talk to
- He leaves when it’s done
- Being able to relax during sex and do things you would normally never do for fear of not being a “good girl”
- Calls at 1am (either way)
- No strings attached
- Being able to date without the sex urge, so you can get to know someone knowing you can always “get it” when you need it
- Avoiding giving off an aura of desperation
- Did I mention hot sex?
Con’s:
- Possible emotional attachment from either party
- He leaves when it’s done (sometimes a girl just needs a good cuddle)
- The ability to do things you wouldn’t normally do
- Guilt after (although I have never felt this so let me know how that feels)
- Calls at 4am
- No strings attached also means either party can walk away at any given point, leaving the other high and dry
- Having possible relationship interests find out about it (trust me: not fun)
- The feeling that “this is the best I can get, for now”
- Coming in second place
- Possible loss of friendship
- Having to deal with the fact that there might be others (jealousy factor for both)
As you can see, both lists are weighty. And yes, as I do have CSBF on occasion I find myself leaning more toward the “pro” list. I have been able to have a lot of fun, with very very close male friends, who believe it or not, remain very close friends. It is essential in this situation to make sure the ground rules are clearly set out from the get go. If you expect to go out in public with this person, for a drink, a movie, dinner or what have you, make that clear from the beginning. If however, the late night booty call is perfectly acceptable to you and him, then have fun with it, and feel no need for guilt!
In this world of trying to find someone with whom we feel a deep, long lasting connection with (mainly in vain) it is nice to have someone on “standby,” you know, for those nights when you feel like you are the only single girl in the world; you don’t feel sexy; you feel dejected and let down by the dating world in general. It can be an extraordinary ego boost, if approached as such. Who doesn’t need a good ego boost, (with a bonus orgasm), every once in a while?
If I finally find someone who I connect with on a much more “relationship” level, my friend and I have an agreement that our visits are over. He is fine with that, although he dreads the day, and I guess a wee part of me does too.
Oh I know what you’re thinking now, “Why aren’t you with this guy?” It’s a long story but suffice to say, I know what I want in a relationship, and I know he can’t give me what I want and need. Except for this. He gives me love and friendship, and a damn fine time. So that’s the way it is. We both know it. Neither one of us is “in love” with the other, however we love and respect each other as friends, and always will.
So, I say go for it! Why be lonely? Why be miserable? But most importantly, why be horny?
Oh, and this should go without saying but always play safe. You never know how many casual sex friends the other has in their life!
