Let’s talk today about “sexting.” Sexting is really all about escalating. I am not trying to sound like a pickup artist, but when you’re dirty texting back and forth you really want to take the woman on a journey.

Think of sexting like a road heading into the mountains. The road starts out nice and flat, but you want to test things out ahead of time. You want to make sure your tires are sound and that the brakes will work.

So to do that, you will send something very simple like, “I had a thought…” If she takes the bait, she’ll text you back asking you what that thought was.

Then you can write, “Well, last night I had this dream about you…” When you do that, you’re testing a little bit to see if she goes for it. This is good, because if you really had a dream about someone, you would probably share it with that person in bursts (and not all at once).

You want to be able to take it slowly. Really, this is mental masturbation! If you can get her to mentally masturbate about the thought of you having sex with her, she’s going to want to sleep with you when you meet up. So you’re really just testing the road.

It’s also about being 100% in control. For instance, you can say something like, “Yeah, last night I learned about this new position, and it was really hot. So, how’s your trip to D.C.?”

It’s a giveaway-takeaway. You want to constantly give and take away from her.

The more you do that, the hotter she will become. You’re teasing her.

It’s really the same thing with sex. The guy who goes straight for the vagina and pounds away is not going to please the woman. The guy who massages, loves and cherishes the woman is the one who is going to get that woman totally hot.

It’s the same thing for sexting and for sex. Everything is about foreplay. Life is about foreplay.

Great infographic from our friends at TheirToys. Revenge is sweet. Having your balls clawed: not so much.

Click through for the full awesomeness.

(Some Men Really Need To Read This)

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, it’s avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt – so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks first.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “… to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don’t.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

1. Banging away all day without blowing your load doesn’t make you a sex ninja. It does, however, make her sore and uncomfortable.

2. Acrobatics are often disconcerting. Constantly switching up strategies and positions can make a woman’s level of sexual arousal nosedive.

3. Try porn, seriously. Watching sexy films with your lady will generally work to increase the likelihood of you having sex.

4. Don’t assume your sex partner is comfortable with her own body. A large survey conducted recently in Britain discovered that one woman in ten is so embarrassed about her body she turns the lights off before removing her clothes. Despite all the campaigns and media messages out there exhorting women to embrace their differences, it’s still the case that most women still spend time every day beating themselves up over their looks and weight. Nakedness increases that sort of sensitivity, so respect her insecurities and, if you think your partner looks great, tell her.

5. Sex shouldn’t be mechanical. Since men became aware that the key to female orgasm is clitoral stimulation many head straight for it. Don’t reduce her to a collection of body parts!

6. Lube shouldn’t be used as a substitute for excitement. Assuming your partner is capable of becoming naturally lubricated it’s best to wait until she is. Lube can add fun and slipperiness, but it shouldn’t be used as a short cut.

7. Women are slow cookers. In general they take longer to become aroused and derive more pleasure than men from kissing, cuddling, and general tenderness. Though fast-and-furious sex has its place, for women on the whole the longer sex takes, the better it feels. If arousal is allowed to build gradually, it will flood the whole body rather than being confined to the genital area.

8. Though clitoral orgasm is easier to achieve, most women want a penetrative (vaginal) orgasm. Intercourse is the ultimate connection between man and woman and the sensation of fullness it creates is intensely pleasurable.

9. Be polite and considerate. Don’t push your partner’s head towards your genitals. Don’t thrust into your partner’s mouth while she’s giving you a blowjob, and don’t hold the side of her head. Also, definitely warn her when you think you are going to ejaculate. With regard to orgasm, it’s best to operate under a ladies-first policy.

10. Take. Your. Socks. Off.

A Japanese porn star learned about her country’s atrocities against China in grad school and feels really bad about it. To make a mends, she wants to rock the world of Chinese students in Japan. If all guilt looked like this, the world would be a better place.

Adult film star Anri Suzuki has a doctorate in history from a prestigious university in Japan. Unlike most other history students there, she focused on the Japanese invasion of China and wrote a detailed paper on the subject. She told the Korea Times, “I want to cure the wounds of the Chinese with my body, and I am practicing this by having sex with Chinese students in Japan.”

Attention Chinese college students: fill out your study abroad papers NOW. You would expect such interest to skyrocket as pupils “get in line”. You could ask whether this would really do anything to repay historical injustices, but the more important question is: have you seen that rack? Anytime you can answer a complicated historical question with some whoopee, it is the right answer as far as we are concerned.

It seems to be a win-win so far. Suzuki said, “I think it is psychological compensation to them. Actually, Chinese students treat me more friendly and comfortably than Japanese.” Something surely was lost in translation, but you can imagine what would be involved with treating her “more friendly and comfortably.” Oh, to be young and Chinese.

Start the celebrations. As it turns out, sleeping around is not bad for you mentally. A University of Minnesota study by Dr. Marla Eisenberg looked at the mental wellness of 1300 sexually active adults. Compared to those in monogamous relationships, adults participating in casual sex showed no difference in their psychological health. Keep in mind that this study was done in regards to psychological health only, so common sense still applies when it comes to STDs. Yes, that means you out there, slugger.

Of the 1300 surveyed in the study, 80% were having sex in the context of a relationship, while the other 20% were getting it on casually. This implies that there might not be as much casual sex going on as it sometimes seems there is. However, other studies have shown only 20% saying they had not had casual sex in college. It seems contradictory, but the story told seems to be that everyone hooks up at some point or another but more frequent in the average sex life is relationship sex.

What do you think? Do these percentages seem high or low to you? And do you agree that casual sex does not cause psychological harm, based on your experience? I would be willing to bet there are a bunch of people who say otherwise. Let us know down below.

Airlines reward their most frequent fliers with gold and platinum member status, however, the club most male fliers wish to join is the Mile High Club. This video explores this phenomenon which has taken on almost mythical status with many guys. The combination of sex, logistical challenges and the forbidden nature of having sex on an airplane makes this endeavor one of the most coveted notches in the belts of sex fiends the world over. Seeing that most commercial airliners fly over 30,000 feet in altitude, it is actually the Six Mile High Club — many have had sex a mile high during trips to Denver, Mexico City or other high-altitude cities.

The video provides perspective from former airline workers who have witnessed couples trying to pull off this act while still in the cabin — a feat not easily accomplished. Consequently, many couples attempt to surreptitiously escape to the lavatory for a quick fuck — an environment which is hardly romantic nor sanitary. Movie stars, professional athletes and investment bankers can afford to own or charter their own jet which makes joining this club quite easy, but for the rest of us it proves to be far more of a challenge. However, you still have hope — the video describes a special airline which exists solely to facilitate sex in the air. In a way, this removes much of the illicit appeal of the Mile High Club — but it does get you into the club without having to balance on a dirty metal sink.

Prior to the advent of mobile technology, it was kinda unwieldy when resting your laptop on her back while doing it doggy-style. However, the miniaturization of technology now allows for texting while driving, conducting trains, performing surgery — and having sex. As published in Adage, a survey conducted by Retrevo Gadgetology indicates that 10% of respondents under the age of 25 indicate that they see nothing wrong with texting while fucking. When it comes to texting while taking a piss, 24% of those under 25 approve. Even less respect for the sanctity of a business meeting is displayed — 49% will divert attention to their cell within this scenario. Hopefully, pissing during a business meeting does not become the next development within our increasingly multi-tasking world.

It appears that respect for the sacrosanct acts of sucking and fucking is found more as people age — only 6% of over-25′s see texting while having sex as appropriate. Only 17% of the older demographic viewed texting during a business meeting as being okay, and only 12% attempt to mix texting and pissing. In a testament to the strength of young bladders, a whopping 76% of those under 25 check for texts before getting out of bed for their morning piss. Possibly, having grown up with the technology, the younger demographic simply has greater physical dexterity allowing for seamless mixing of texting with these various activities. Soon we’ll probably see spam titled “Guaranteed to get you hard by her 2nd tweet!”.

An HIV-positive man infected his wife with the virus because he wanted to start having sex with her again.

The 35-year-old injected his blood into the sleeping woman, who had refused to have a physical relationship for a year after discovering he was carrying the virus that causes Aids.

He pricked her twice with a sewing needle laced with his blood, believing the pair would be ‘equals’ once more.

But he was behind bars in New Zealand today awaiting sentencing after admitting infecting another person with a disease.

The husband had emigrated to the country in 2004 with his wife and two young children, none of whom can be named.

Immigration officials found he had HIV, but his wife and children did not, during compulsory health checks.

The woman, 33, confronted her partner on discovering she was infected a year later.

She said: ‘All he said was he was sorry. He told me “I used needles on you because I wanted you to be the same as me so that you can live with me and you won’t leave me”.’

She told the court: ‘I just wanted to maintain the relationship for the sake of the children…He insisted on staying and mentioned that he was not worried about sex…any more. All he wanted was to see the children grow with both parents under one roof.’

But in May last year, she said, she discovered a sting-like mark on her left thigh. ‘After having a shower I put some lotion on myself and I could feel pain on my thigh. When I looked at it, it was turning red like a circle, getting and bigger.’

Later that morning, when she returned home from her nursing studies unexpectedly, she said, she saw her husband in the bedroom with a syringe full of blood.

When she asked him what he was doing, he pushed past her and walked away, refusing to discuss it. The wife searched a rubbish bin for evidence of the syringe but found nothing.

The paper reported that two days later the wife woke to a stinging feeling in her leg. ‘In my sleep I felt a prick on my leg I got up..and I flicked the blankets…I looked at (the husband) and he was wide awake.’

She said she asked him if he had pricked her and he said he had not. But later she found evidence of ‘blood sprinkles’ on their duvet, which, she said, her husband tried to hide from her.

She told him to leave the house – and in September, when her doctor suggested a test at a routine check-up, she found she was HIV-positive.

A nurse who had been in contact with the family and who was present when her GP told her the bad news told the court: ‘At this meeting (the woman) was beside herself with emotion. (She) could not work out how she had got HIV because she stated that she had not had sex with her partner for about a year.’

Later, during a meeting with an infectious disease specialist, the husband cried and repeated: ‘Please forgive me.’

The Sunday Star Times quoted Mr Simon Harger-Ford of the New Zealand Aids Foundation as saying that the organisation had never heard of a victim being infected in such a way ‘and with such intent.’

I don’t know how familiar with the Rules of the Internet you guys are, but assuming this guy has a private gallery full of “cherished pizzafucks” here’s yet another testimony to the undeniable, intrinsic truth of rule 34.

Pizza? I prefer Sauseeg. But thanks.