Hey, Justin here again. Arrived yesterday at my first Justin World Pussy Tour stop of Los Angeles, and trust me — this city is much better once you have money. Staying at the Mondrian and hanging with my buddies Larry and Phil who are more than happy to pick up my leftovers — just kidding guys. Last night we were at Sky Bar, and I don’t think I have ever seen a larger selection of hot chicks in one place. I am falling easily into my new role as young wealthy entreprenuer (even though i’m still fucking clueless as to how I actually made my own money), and girls eat it up. We started out chatting up a nice group of MAW’s (Model/Actress/Whatever), and I became fixated on a hot brunette we’ll call Amy (I won’t be using real names of girls on here — that would be uncouth). Amy was among the legions of aspiring Snooki’s, but she had a bit higher of an IQ. After regaling her with stories of my investing prowess (ha ha), she was more than eager to accompany me down to my suite.

Amy had the honor (or dishonor as the case may be) to be my first conquest within the Pussy Tour — and she performed consummate to this coveted designation as the first fuck on my adventure. She was 22, brunette and built for speed. I’m not positive, but I actually think her tits were real — which is quite a novelty around these parts. In reality, I was quite affectionate with her and felt bad when it came time to blow her off — but it had to be done. I made up some shit about one of my friends back at Sky Bar being about to be deployed to Afghanistan, and I dutifully entered her number into my phone (quickly deleted thereafter). It was only midnight — plenty of time left during night #1 for a second target. I didn’t want to go back up to Sky Bar for fear of running back into Amy, so I texted Phil (Larry had already departed with some skank back to his place in Huntington Beach) and we went off in search of new pastures.

After pulling out of the Mondrian in my rented Ferrari 360 (shout out to the guys at RentInStyle.com), we pulled up at the first red light next to two babes who were immediately attracted to our perceived wealth (in reality Phil doesn’t have a proverbial pot to piss in). Having already had a brunette that evening, I selected the blonde of the two (who was Phil to argue), and I graciously got Phil his own room so he didn’t have to take his chick back to his crappy apartment. We’ll call conquest #2 Cindy — and she is now curled up naked under the 400 count Egyptian cotton sheets in my bed as I sit and have my morning coffee writing this post. I figure I’ll be a nice guy and let her blow me one more time before she gets blown off.

Stay tuned for further adventures — next stop is, of course, Vegas!

Justin

Hey everyone,

My name is Justin, and I’ve agreed to take over posting here at Casual Encounters. Let me start by sharing a bit of my story. I’m 27 and grew up here in the San Francisco (East Bay) area. I did so-so in high school and ended up dropping out of college during my sophomore year (a bit too drinking and carousing). I got a job as a server at a national family dining restaurant chain (surely you’ve eaten at one, but I won’t disclose which) and worked hard resulting in a promotion to manager last year. This area is quite expensive, and my $50,000 a year earnings hardly allowed me to live in the lap of luxury. However, I was getting by and was able to set aside just over $12,000 in savings — which was quite a difficult task. I’m ordinarily not very good with money — all i know how to do is spend it — so I just let my money sit in a savings account earning almost nothing in the form of interest.

Around 6 months ago, one of my best buddies from college (the little time I was there) approached me about a company he wanted to start. He was always a major software geek, and candidly, I still don’t understand anything about what he does. However, I did trust him and had confidence in his ability — so I said what the fuck and invested $10,000 with him figuring I wasn’t earning anything on it sitting in my savings account. To make a long story short, my buddy landed a major client and suddenly all sorts of large investors were interested in his company. I was shocked when one of these investors offered me over two million dollars for my shares, and even though my buddy told me I was getting screwed at that price — I jumped on it. Yes, I’m still pinching myself.

This was several weeks ago, and my first thought was to invest it for retirement and continue working hard at my job. That thought quickly evaporated, and after only two days of work after coming into this money I said fuck it and quit. I’ve decided to take a year off and do what I do best — party and chase pussy. You’re only young once, right? So I’ve agreed to share my exploits on Casual Encounters in order to create a record of my travels for posterity. Women of the world — look out — Justin is coming.

Catch everyone again soon,

Justin

Sometimes an old fashioned score needs to be settled between friends. That is all that is going on here and the beauty of the request lies in its simplicity: friends can’t see friends’ penises, friends’ girlfriends can’t see friends’ penises, so there is a problem in need of a solution.

Seems easy enough, but there are some issues raised that need to be explored. First of all, there is the problem that the measurements are to be done individually and that is understandable as it would be, like, totally gay to whip out the cocks in the same room. However, this places way too much trust in the measuring girl. All kind of sparks have been known to fly when shlongs get whipped out with a guy and girl in a room together. This can lead to favoritism and inaccurate reporting of the measurements. There would need to be another, independent girl playing the role of penis measuring “auditor”. Call her the KPMG girl.

Assuming KPMG girl has to be paid also, the question of how much is this measurement worth comes up. We want to know what is the bet between the two original friends worth? If it is just an argument, as they state, they would have to put some of their own betting stakes on the contest to offset the costs of measuring girl and KPMG girl. That’s just basic economics. Once all that is settled, my friends, you have cleared the way for a proper penis measuring contest.

(Click through on image for full size view.)

A few months ago, the internet world was introduced to loving siblings Chris and Katie. Apparently, they had not been getting along so well after Katie told on Chris, so he decided to go through his sister’s stuff, only to find a “hook up list” detailing all the guys from school she wanted to get with or had already gotten with. He wasted no time in posting it to Facebook.

The list itself was quite amusing, and surprisingly well organized. It listed exactly what activities she wanted to do with each guy and the date she wanted it done by. Also, there were prerequisites for some of the guys. For example, Brian would be given a BJ if he cut his hair first. Funny stuff. It got even better in the comments, where Chris and Katie had a hilarious back and forth about the breach of privacy.

Well, this story is due for a “where are they now?” because one of the details included on the list was a deadline by which she wanted to complete the “action items” by. The date was April 2010. Did Katie accomplish her goals, or was she grounded? Did Chris get in more trouble? So many amusing questions remain unanswered. I wouldn’t honestly expect the story to resurface, but if it did it would be one of the greatest moments in the history of the internet. The obvious lesson is do not make a hook up list when you are in a fight with your brother, especially if he has Facebook!

For the millions of us out there trying to figure out how to not sleep with girls that want us, Drunk Irish Guy has laid out the process step by step for us. Actually, if you look at it from a different point of view, Drunk Irish Guy was just being a gentleman in his own way. Let us explain:

Step 1: Attract the girl with a sexy accent. The accent will also help to cover up the slurred speech that kicks in after the 14th shot of Jameson.

Step 2: Show affection by pointing out your “physical” reaction to her beauty.

Step 3: Get a smelly drunk friend to give her the old bump and grind and keep her company on an empty dance floor. You get extra points for calling her a lesbian for not liking it.

Step 4: Heroically rescue the girl’s coat by toppling coat racks and making clear the urgency of her need to leave for a nightcap.

Step 5: Express concern for her sick friend by worrying when she will finish puking. Give the two friends space and monitor them from around the corner.

Step 6: Spare her the game playing by taking a direct approach to express your desire for her.

Despite our being sarcastic here, it is a hilarious story regardless of whether or not our recap is a perspective you agree with. You might have gotten a laugh from Drunk Irish Guy and liked him, or you might have found him repulsive. Either way, you now know precisely how to not hook up with your New Year’s kiss.

1. 9 Sex Myths you Shouldn’t Believe.
2. Men who help clean get more sex.
3. Hustler publisher sues nephews for making “inferior porn”.
4. Behold: the condom pillow.
5. Creepy kids’ books that really exist.
6. Strippers. (Oh go on, it’s really funny. We promise.)
7. Touch my balls. Touch them.
8. Sexual bases throughout the decades.
9. Give this man a Nobel Prize.
10. The Porn Rangers. Watch out.

Nice to see that eHarmony is doing so great they can afford to reject applications displaying a sense of humor.

Exactly what it says on the tin. Click through on the image to read on. (Possibly a troll; if so, MAJOR win achieved.)

1. Asexual and proud.
2. Vagina mints, seriously.
3. Dirty laundry… on facebook.
4. Halloween costume of win.
5. The Onion calls that shit.
6. Al Franken trolls John Ashcroft.
7. This is what the Internet does to young men.
8. Keep it classy, Australia.
9. “Why I slept with 1300 women.”
10. Meghan McCain: Not A Slut.

1. Vaginas are accomodating.
2. A poem. About fisting.
3. A charming song about sticking it in the wrong hole. Guest-starring Scott Baio.
4. Sex androids. They breathe. And have a pulse. (more and more.)
5. Intersex author’s life as a ‘Mighty Hermaphrodite’.
6. Worst cybersex line ever.
7. Vintage sexism: 1943 guide to hiring women.
8. Chess champion Kasparov attacked by flying penis.
9. Walmart ruins two parents’ lives by calling family photos “child pornography”.
10. Nudist hikers get their own trail in Germany.

Came across the following hilarious Penthouse forum stories from the mid-90s, courtesy of Monica Hamburg and Kimli. Reprinted here in all their mirth-inducing glory:

I have an enlightening experience to relate to your readers. After reading about and trying some of your ways of jacking off, I have found my own unique way.

I put a banana into an empty blender, then I add a good amount of rum. I turn the blender on and mix until the concoction is mildly chunky. Next, I insert my hard cock into the blender and turn it back on – slowly at first, then faster (those of you who are especially large, watch out for the blades at the bottom!)

The first time I tried this, I found it to be the most electrifying experience I ever had, and I came like I’d never come before! My wife loves to lick me clean, then we share the enriched drink. It tastes like no other.

– Name and address withheld.

I was always afraid of writing to “Forum” about what turns me and my girlfriend on, because I always felt that it was a bit perverted. But after reading this magazine, I’ve come to the awareness that nothing is perverted.

When my girlfriend doesn’t feel like cooking dinner, which recently has been practically every night, I stop off at McDonald’s and buy four Big Macs. Two are for dinner, and the other two help give us sexual pleasure.

After eating, we take the Big Macs into our bedroom, undress, and get into bed. My girlfriend takes one Big Mac and spreads the special sauce on my cock. Then she takes the all-beef patties, forms a tube around my dick with them, and proceeds to jerk me off. I just can’t describe how great my orgasms are because of the unique texture of the patties.

While she’s doing this, I grab the other Big Mac. I make a simple dildo out of a patty and jerk her off with it, using the sauce as lubricant. Lately, she hasn’t needed the lube, because she comes just *looking* at a Big Mac.

After we’re both finished, we lick each other clean. I wonder if any other people enjoy this type of sex. If not, I would seriously recommend it to everyone.

– Name and address withheld.

I have just begun receiving your magazine, and I am extremely glad I that do! I was getting worried that I was some sort of sick pervert, until your magazine brought me to the realization that what is fun is right. The letter that I was glad to see was from a man who described the enjoyment he and his wife received from the use of Big Macs as sexual tools. I also have a food fetish that gives me great pleasure. I live in a dormatory on a large college campus where one of the most common foods is pizza. One night, when my roommate was out on a date, I ordered a large pizza (cheese only), and I had eaten half of it when I got a wild idea. I laid the still slightly warm pizza on my bed and got undressed, then I slowly lay down on the warm, gooey cheese surface of the pie. I proceeded to move back and forth until I was just about to cum, then I raised myself up and saw and felt the gooey cheese “fingers” still clinging to my erect penis. I had the best climax I ever had. Now, at least once a week, I order a cheese pizza and truly enjoy myself!

– Name and address withheld.

Wow, wouldn’t it be awful if this guy was actually insecure with regard to the strength of his publicly-exhibited urinal stream…