While most online dating sites are legitimate, there are plenty of scammers out there looking to take advantage of the members of such sites. Even on reputable paid dating sites, scammers may find it worthwhile to pay for memberships in order to use them to scam other paid members out of money. In this article we’re going to look at the different scams that exist and give you some tips on recognizing them and avoiding them, as well as giving you advice about how to spot fake user profiles, hopefully enabling you to avoid scammers before they even have a chance to interact with you.

One disclaimer before going further: I don’t mean to suggest that profiles or people you contact exhibiting (or even all) of the features and behaviors I am going to describe are necessarily scams—some may very well not be. The sad fact is though, most will be. If it looks too good to be true, guys, it usually is.

Ways to spot a fake user profile

There are a number of features that many fake profiles will have in common. We’ll list some of them here. If a profile you’re looking at ticks any of these boxes, it should be a warning bell—proceed with caution (if at all!)

Suggestive usernames, particularly on female profiles

Even on explicitly “adult” dating sites, genuine female members will very rarely choose sexually-suggestive usernames. Scammers (and hookers) often do use such names, as they know the names will attract attention. Genuine women won’t, because they don’t want the deluge of lewd and sleazy attention that such names provoke.

Glossy, glamorous, “model-looking” photos

Genuine women will occasionally get glamor shots done for their dating profiles, but this should be thought of as the exception rather than the rule. Genuine photos tend to be in natural settings (not studios, or obviously “lit” environments) and tend to be taken by regular consumer cameras, not by professional ones.

Only a single photo

Because scammers are only usually creating multiple fake profiles, a person having only a single photo can be grounds for suspicion, especially if the photo looks like  it might be of a model.

“Unnatural” language and answers on a profile

The language in fake profiles will often seem unnatural and forced. For female profiles, language that is flirty, suggestive and implies an eagerness to quickly embark upon a physical relationship (without preconditions, specifics, or partner criteria) should be seen as highly suspicious. Likewise a man’s profile that mentions wealth.

Poor English in profile (on an English-speaking site)

Unfortunately it is common to see women from poorer countries trying to attract men from wealthier ones in order to gain access to the wealthier country for reasons of economic opportunity. Poorly-written English full of semantic, spelling, and grammatical errors can be the clue that will help you spot these profiles early.

Profiles that claim to be local, but aren’t

If you find a profile that claims that the indicated individual lives near you, yet once you start communicating with you they reveal they live overseas, walk away. Don’t listen to any excuses they may offer: it’s almost certainly a scam.

Incomplete profiles or profiles that try to be too “generically attractive”

Such profiles “widen the net” the scammer is casting  for his prospective victims.

Profiles that are “too good to be true”

You need to ask yourself what the odds are of finding someone on an online dating site who likes exactly all the things you like and, additionally, is super-attractive, super-attracted to you, and super charming.

The profile asks you to visit a webpage

If a profile suggests that you visit a web page, that may be a clue that it’s fake. Many such profiles will link directly to signup forms for adult or adult dating websites, or perhaps to a small fake “personal” site that tries to convince you to join a paid site. Also be wary of profiles where the user tries to get you to go straight to Yahoo messenger or another IM client; usually these profiles are directing you to a bot or to linkspam.

An example of a fake profile

Now just for fun, let’s take a look at a known fake profile, and look at how the tips I’ve given above should help us to figure out that it’s probably fake.

Here’s the profile. It was recently submitted to localsex.com, a free adult dating site, and was quickly reported and deleted by a sharp-eyed member. Take a look at it, and think about why it doesn’t ring true (you can click on it to see the full-sized version.)

How about that username? It’s sort of borderline. “msalisonangel” isn’t quite “readyforsexnow”, but it’s still a little cutesier than genuine women tend to go for. The real giveaways are:

1) The photos. She’s extremely attractive, which is always a red flag. More importantly though, the photos are clearly professionally-taken, and in the second photo (thumbnail at the bottom) “msalisonangel” is striking an obvious “model pose”. I’d be prepared to call “fake” based on the photos alone.

As it turned out, the reason this profile was identified as fake was because a member recognized the photos as being those of a well-known soft-porn star.

2) The language. The title and “About Me” language is designed both to have an extremely broad appeal and to make the woman appear eager for sex. She wants “a soulmate for the eventide years of her life” (and seriously, what 22-year-old even uses the word “eventide”?) and yet also says “Committment-wise, I’m pretty casual”. The language also feels quite forced and unnatural (not to mention “confused”), and the opening “Sexually, I’m an explorer” gambit should ring alarm bells.

Common online dating scams

How much fun was that? Of course, fake profiles are just the tip of the iceberg as far as online dating scams go. The bait to tempt you, if you will. We also want to be more broadly aware of what sort of scams fake profiles might lure us into, so here’s an overview of the more common ones to watch out for:

The damsel in distress scam

A (usually female) site member with an attractive photo claims to be in need/trouble, and requests that you help her out financially. A variation on this scam is the travel scam, where the person claims to need money so they can afford to travel to meet you, with a view to pursuing a long term relationship.

The phishing scam

Email from contacts that press you for detailed personal information such as your financial information, your home address, full name, phone number, or social security number are almost certainly scammers. These people either try to scam the online dating users outright, using the information to masquerade as the victim for pecuniary gain, or are collecting the data to sell to some third party who will exploit the data in the same way.

The laundering scam

The fraudster may not ask you for any money directly. Instead, he may ask you to cash money orders or cheques and to wire (or perhaps Western Union) him the proceeds, or some fraction of the proceeds. The money orders or cheques will later turn out to be fake or stolen and you will be left out of pocket and possibly be held responsible for receiving stolen funds.

Prostitute scam

Prostitutes advertising illegally on dating sites tend to be straightforward. They place profiles to solicit business. Such profiles are usually easily recognized by sleazy user names, suggestive photos, and explicit self-descriptions. They don’t waste time letting you know what they are after.

Phonesex scam

The person will ask you to call them, and after you do you‘ll get a bill in the mail for hundreds of dollars. In the United States such phone numbers will start with 1-900, but pay lines in other countries will have different numerical prefixes. The scammer in this case might try to allay your fears of having to pay for a call by making up some story explaining why you won’t have to. Don’t be fooled.

The “Nigerian” postal scam

The person pretends to be a relative of a deceased government official or some other dignitary who asks for your help in a financial transaction. Sometimes mention of a lottery having been won, but the winner being able to collect the winnings himself for some reason. The author of the email will offer a huge reward if you help him to transfer a large sum of money. It’s called the Nigerian postal scam because the first such scams originated in Nigeria, but the scam “type” has now spread, and may originate from other countries as well.

I hope I’ve given you some good pointers and ideas about what to look out for in profiles so you don’t fall victim to online dating scams. Just to lighten the mood a little, though, check out this “Nigerian Scam Dating” parody site–it’s good for a chuckle or two.

Stay smart and safe out there!

1. Sex lion dies of sex exhaustion.
2. Uganda to outlaw female circumcision.
3. Vintage sex education tape.
4. What women want from porn.
5. Sanity prevails in Canada.
6. Teacher sends students home with homemade porn DVD.
7. Porn outlawed in the Ukraine.. unless it’s “medicinal”.
8. New website names and shames people with STDs.
9. Guess her muff.
10. The French. ‘Nuff said.

Founder of online dating consulting service E-Cyrano and author of several popular books on online dating, Evan Marc Katz has established himself as America’s leading dating expert. I first encountered him some months ago through his retardedly popular blog, and found his no-nonsense, no victims, pragmatic and realistic approach to people’s dating problems immensely attractive. I was thrilled when he agreed to do an interview with us – the online equivalent of running a school newspaper and having the President agree to drop by and answer a few questions.

Hey Evan, thanks for taking the time to do this interview. I know you’re insanely busy and have a huge backlog after your recent vacation. We sincerely appreciate you making time for us.

I’m guessing it might have seemed slightly odd to you that someone running an “adult dating” blog would request an interview, but honestly, before I sent you an email I sat down and pondered awhile. What I realized was that most people don’t stay on the casual scene forever. Most of them, eventually, decide for whatever reason that what they really want is what you help people to get. So I think having our audience exposed to your voice here is valuable and worthwhile.

One thing I really like about the advice you give is that it’s unfailingly pragmatic and realistic, sometimes brutally so. Here’s a quote from one of your recent blog entries to illustrate: “. . . the people who do best in the world we live in . . . are not the ones who try to rewrite the rules of society, but rather, figure out how to navigate them successfully.” Now, I know from following the comments on your blog that sometimes people get quite worked up by your candid analysis of situations and relationships. Why do you think that is?

I just read somewhere that people will do anything to preserve their worldview. It doesn’t matter if that world view is effective or empowering or whether it’s negative and hurtful – we will try our hardest to justify what we already believe. If a woman’s worldview is that men are scum, she can certainly find enough evidence to support it. The problem is that she will never find love with that belief system.

So even though I write a dating and relationship advice column, I almost feel like I rarely offer my opinion. All I do is attempt to find a solution for what’s not working – whether or not it supports what I believe. Which is why it’s pretty useless to argue with me, because I’m rarely expressing my own point of view – I’m just pointing out how the world works. Men can be pigs. Women can be emotional. What are we going to do in spite of these realities, instead of pointing the finger and telling men to stop being pigs and women to stop being emotional?

And, almost invariably, that means that WE have to change. We have to accept the flaws in the opposite sex, in Match.com, in our others’ pickiness, hypocrisies and commitmentphobia. Shouting that the world isn’t fair doesn’t suddenly make the world fair – which is why my advice almost always points the finger at the person asking the original question.

Seeing as I know you’re old enough to remember the World Without Internets, just wondering if you agree with the statement “ The Internet has revolutionized classified personals ads,” and if so, how do you think it has?

This is taken directly from my answer to Honey and Lance in an interview:

Online dating has leveled the playing field for men and given them a great deal more power than they’ve ever had before. This is a classic double-edged sword. The good news is that men who aren’t comfortable in the pick-up scene have a greater opportunity to succeed, as do older, divorced people who aren’t as likely to be hitting on strangers at bars. The bad news is that the perception of unlimited choice has enabled us to think that the grass is always greener. Online, there’s always someone younger, cuter, smarter, richer. Yet we ignore the fact that younger, cuter, smarter, richer doesn’t always make for a healthy relationship.

You can’t build anything when you’re always moving – and online dating – for all of its merits, turns both men and women into unintentional players with unrealistic standards.

In terms of the actual work you do: writing, speaking, coaching, and consulting, what’s the most enjoyable for you? How do you feel you’re doing at balancing the different roles and responsibilities?

Speaking lights me up more than anything, because you can see the immediate impact you’re having. You can see nodding heads and smiling faces. You can get a roar of laughter. You get to shake hands afterwards and connect and hear people’s stories and their takeaways. I never feel like I reach more people than when I’ve got a microphone in my hand.

However, my day-to-day is far more consumed by private dating coaching, and there is an immense satisfaction in watching the personal growth of individuals who put their trust in me. To see self-awareness and confidence blossom, week after week, until my clients find themselves in happy relationships, well, that’s priceless. I love the closeness and vulnerability of getting to know people intimately though our coaching sessions.

And yet, I undoubtedly reach more people with every blog and newsletter I send out. I just don’t get the satisfaction of making a personal connection. If I had my way, I’d do a lot more live events and group coaching, for the best of both worlds.

Have you ever had cause to regret any advice you’ve given anyone? Are there any things in general that you used to tell people that you feel foolish about now?

Undoubtedly, although I’m not the type to wallow in regret. But logically, I’m a very different person than I was when I wrote my first book at age 31 and I’d never had a relationship over seven months. Now, I’m 37 and married, and have learned an immense amount from my dating coaching experiences. The purest record of my advice can be seen in “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book” and “Why You’re Still Single”, and while I wouldn’t retract most of the material, it all seems a little bit immature. I’m much prouder of my Finding the One Online CD Series, for example, than I am of my first book – although my first book was much funnier.

If you’re looking for one thing that I know I’d take back, it’s telling people to respond to a detail in another person’s online dating profile. It’s not that the advice is bad – it’s that it’s half-baked. Most people say things like “You like skiing? I like skiing, too! Let’s go on a date…”, which is a pretty crappy pick-up line. I give much more specific guidance on how to communicate powerfully in Finding the One Online.

Congratulations on your recent marriage. Has married life surprised you? Do you have any advice for married couples you’d like to share?

After eight months, I’m no expert in marriage, and don’t expect to be dispensing marriage advice for a good, long while. What I can say is that getting married was easy – moving in together after the wedding was a bit scary, however. My wife and I both work from home, so it took a few months for me to feel truly comfortable having someone around all the time. But every day, I feel more and more validated in my decision to get married. Perhaps it’s because I’m a dating coach and hear so many negative stories, but I’m extremely appreciative at how patient and understanding my wife is with me. She sets the tone for how to be a great partner – all I have to do is follow her example.

And finally: what are your future hopes/plans for your businesses? Anything else you’d like to add or mention in closing? Thoughts, comments, projects or events you’d like to plug? The floor is yours.

Private coaching is still the best part of my job. If you struggle with the opposite sex, there’s no better way to learn than to make love a priority in your life. I only work with a limited number of highly-motivated clients, so if you’re interested, just go to http://www.evanmarckatz.com/dating-coaching/ and fill out a short application.

If dating coaching is out of your price range, you can get all the benefits of 7 weeks of coaching with my 7 CD series, Finding the One Online: http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/.

And if you’re just looking for a new way of attracting more high quality people online, my profile writing company, E-Cyrano.com, is having a sale – 33% off regular prices: http://www.e-cyrano.com

Finally, if you just want to stay in touch and read some amazing free advice, sign up to get my special report, The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Definitely Making in Dating and How to Turn Them Around Instantly. http://www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html

Otherwise, I just want to thank you for inviting me to talk today, and thank your readers for their interest in improving their love lives. I’m very lucky to get to do this for a living and I bring that appreciation to every single coaching session.

Best wishes and many thanks.

Found this over at craigslist. Couldn’t have written a better guide to meeting people for hookups there myself, so thought I’d share it. It’s also a long (though worthwhile!) read, so you might want to grab a coffee now.

Enjoy.

Casual Definitions Of Casual Sex

Far be of it for me to intrude upon our illicit activities here on CL (I am indulging too, there’s no need to get uptight now, is there?), but after a few crossed wires in my (and all of our) effort to find a warm, willing someone to touch our soft parts, I find a need.

Only us overeducated and neurotic San Franciscans can fuck up something simple as casual sex, and all over definitions. So, as a public service, here follows the definitions of some (some is key here) of the sexual liaisons available to the discerning urbanite:

Sex With No Strings. Pretty simple, and to the point – humping. Lots of it. Usually in one session – thus, no strings. In other words, no expectations of future humping, unless a new relationship is negotiated. SWS means I will not a call you later, I will not meet your parents, and no, you can’t sleep over (in my t-shirt no less). This is the traditional One Night Stand, folks, it just doesn’t have to start in a bar, nor do you need to be drunk.

Guys, there are manners. You do not ejaculate, and instantly ask when the next bus runs outside, a smatter of small talk costs you nothing and might reward you with an upgrade to fuck buddy status. Also, this is one you DO NOT call later, drunk, horny, and confused. This is one that is “use once, throw away”. Unless it’s so good, you have to go back…usually you can decide this 30 seconds after you cum…then it’s upgrade time.

Gals. This is NOT A RELATIONSHIP. STOP telling your girlfriends about the awesome guy you met last night, he’s not calling you again. Yes, he used you. You used him right back. Enjoy the power. These are hook ups you don’t talk about, nor do you take them around to meet your pals for drinks the next day. You hump, they leave. Simple.

Booty Call: This is someone you’ve SWNS’ed, or dated. Maybe you were married. Or she is, and you work together. Or you both are. This is someone you can call anytime, day or night, and chances are, you will get laid. You have one or two of these, right? Everyone does. Anyone who’s dating someone else, and it’s the first year, dreads these. We all know who are they. We have ours.

Guys and Gals – these happen FROM previous relationships. Stop asking for them, you’re putting the horse before the cart. One of the important things here is, A., you know calling them is okay, and vice versa, and B., you know what they’re like in bed, they’re acceptable to you, and there will be no uncomfortable “surprises” at the door if they com over. Slow it down, Speed Racer, and try SWNS first. And finally, these are the super, super secret ones. Nobody ever knows. Ever. If you tell your current girlfriend/boyfriend, you destroy the relationship AND the bootycall.

Fuck Buddy. These are the fun ones, and the most dangerous. It’s about sex – lots of it, and all the time. After work, before work, all weekend, in Tahoe on a ski weekend (fireplace sex is the BEST), and they’re allowed to stay over. Can be ongoing, like a booty call, and will be dusted off between relationships. “Funny, I never met HIM the 3 years we dated? Oh, he’s one of THOSE.” You might even date, go out, show each other off, but once things get personal, you both know it’s time to split up, for now. They’re the one person who won’t get upset if you say “I met someone…” because they did, too.

Guys and gals, warning. These relationships are treacherous. They CAN and do sometimes get real, and the other person rarely agrees it’s time to start sharing the bureau and bathroom. Be open, honest, and make sure you’re BOTH on the same page, and the kingdom is yours.

However, for the meek at heart, beware. These are the relationships where fetishes, fantasies, and pure unadulterated hedonism occurs, and it’s expected. This is the time for her to try drinking the blood from a wound on your lower belly while she jerks you off, because those bloody vampire movies turn her on in a way she’s not ready to deal with. This is the time he’ll be into trying threesomes, or more. Do not be offended if he wants to share you, you are his favorite toy, and it’s a mark of honor that he’s comfy with it. Indulge. But if they rock your polite, vanilla ideas of what sex is a little too hard, be aware you are in far, far over your head, and you need to back off and either date (foolish exercise that it is) or dabble with SWNS, so you can at least escape his/her chamber of horrors.

Yes folks, this is the one where you get your stories. Love them, live them, respect them. You’d both worked hard.

Friends With Benefits. Yes, that one. Okay, some blunt truth. Women tend to abuse this one to try and trap a guy into a relationship, and guys generally confuse this with Fuck Buddy, Booty Call, and Sex With No Strings – and generally all in one night. Guys, these are going to be tough for you, for one reason: the word “freinds”. These relationships have a very good shot of turning into a real relationship. See “When Harry Met Sally”. This is someone you’d probably be dating, anyway, and the only difference is no sex. Adding sex can be tricky, as it moves the relationship into a grey area, of where you’re not sure how you feel.

OR

It’s someone you trust utterly, who can share this intimacy with you without freaking out on you, and it’ll be your shared secret, one that means something. Yes, guys, sex can be meaningful.

This is one where friendship needs to be present first – a strong friendship that can survive the rocky shore of sexual relations. If your friendship is rocky, chaotic, inconstant, and does not have solid communication skills on both sides, mutual trust and respect, it’s just a bad idea to begin with, and it will kill your friendship – one that you generally want to cling to, as they count for far more than fleeting sex.

Of all the women I’ve had offer this to me, very few of them could handle it, and were confusing the intimacy of friendship with something else. Two i accepted, one worked, one did’nt, and horribly. The three I offered it to, I knew could, and it was a warm, enjoyable experience we still smile about and hint at when our SO’s aren’t around. These are good for times of stress or tragedy, for the lean times between relationships, and while they tend to be more about married sex than the wild, unbridled fuck buddies, it’s very, very good – you know each other, it’s that much deeper.

Gals: this is a bad way to find a boyfriend. If he’s already a friend, that means you don’t want to date him, or you’re not sure. Make up your mind before plunging in. If you have any feelings for him, and don’t admit it up front, it won’t go well. Don’t dupe a guy – we hate that. Don’t lie. You cannot ASK for this on CL – they are bred during real friendships that happen outside of your nasty little weekend adventures. (You nasty little girl. Bless you.) Asking for a Friends With Benefits on CL screams one thing to me; someone who cannot be honest about what they’re looking for, and is using his/her sexuality, or the lure of it, to bypass the hard work of actually meeting someone, getting to know them, and actually relating to them on various levels. You belong in Casual Encounters, but you need to get real – what you need and all you can handle is a SWNS or a fuck buddy, stop trying to trick people with the lure of sex.

Guys: This is trouble for you, for that “friend” word. Yes, it means you have to be a friend, and all that implies. That means she CAN in fact call you when she’s weepy, and you have to listen. That means you’re NICE to her, and do nice things for her. It may have even occurred to her that you really like her, which is why you’re friends with her. This is one you introduce to your family, if they don’t know her and adore her already, but as just friends – they’ll understand later if that changes. It also means that you won’t be having sex all the time – you’re friends, remember? That means doing things with her, like going to the store with her, getting her medicine and soup when she’s sick, driving her when her car is in the shop…you know the drill. if any of this irks you, you’re not being honest about her, and you need to figure out what you’re doing, or negotiate for a different status.

So, that’s all for now. Please post with care, about what you want and are looking for, chances are there’s plenty of someones to fill your every – and I mean every – need, here in the wilds of CL. But be honest, and get your terms rights. If you want a boyfriend, post in WSM, not casual encounters talking about friends with benefits. Don’t agree to a night of SWNS sex and old black and white films, and then start acting like a girlfriend later, and demanding attention. It’s a waste of time, and that’s time you could be humping.

Hope this helps! Feel free to rebutt, reject, or rejoinder!

I’ve  just been reading an article on single women and casual sex. Apparently in LoTR land they don’t have a “dating culture”, so people just go to bars, get drunk, and sleep with each other. Color me next ticket there and high-five to the power of  YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

And speaking of awesome. Kind of off topic, but this video made me piss myself. Embarrassing because I was watching it on my iphone while at dinner with my parents, but it was cool. I just told Mom it must have been her shitty cooking. Then she started crying and I hit her until she stopped but now she’s not breathing and my Dad’s looking at me all like “bitch say wut?”

Uhhh… so I guess what I’m really trying to say is… Happy Valentine’s Day?

Keeping it real, y0.

Cheers Lyla, great advice. Some of it I should probably take myself. *flashback to late-teens-girlfriend-finds-porn-horror-arrrrrgh*.

I thought I’d better link in this post on preparing for a casual encounter from a female perspective just so that our ladies don’t feel like we’ve forgotten about them. And for you guys who’re just here for the yuks? Meet Perseus.