Imagine you’ve gone on a few dates. How you are doing at this stage will vary depending on your own goals and how far she’s let you go. Maybe you’ve kissed her a few times, maybe you’ve gone much further. There is no right or wrong amount of progress. But imagine some time has passed, and you still really like her. In fact, you like her more each time you see her. And she seems to like you a lot too. She sound pleased when you call, she always says yes when you ask her out.

If you’re starting to see each other regularly, this is the time to stop dating other people. You may have been dating a few women, to test the waters, have a good time and not get hurt, but if you really like her, you should close off other avenues, at least for now. You’d expect the same from her, wouldn’t you?

So you’re doing well so far, you’ve put real effort into her and it’s paying off nicely. How do you keep things going the way they are? The key is maintenance. Think of it like your car. If you don’t service your car regularly, it doesn’t work well. Your relationship is the same. You need to keep:

- buying her small, special gifts.
- writing her letters/emails.
- surprising her.

These things remind her that you appreciate her, you excite her, you intrigue her, you attract her.

Flowers

Here is a special section on flowers because they are such a good idea. You don’t have to give her a big expensive bunch. Just walk into a florist’s and tell them how much you are prepared to pay.

It’s an especially good idea to give her flowers just after you’ve slept with her. If you feel it’s a bit corny to hand-deliver them, you can always pay for them to be delivered by the florist. Attach a short note, such as, “Last night was fantastic. I can’t wait to see you again.” If you’ve slept together, chances of it happening again are greatly in your favor!

One warning about gifts and thoughtful gestures, though: don’t do the same things all the time. If you give her flowers every Friday, for example, she won’t appreciate them as much or feel special. If you make her coffee every morning, she’ll come to expect it and it won’t be a surprise. Remember passion comes from excitement, which you are providing with the occasional surprise.

To keep things working long term, apart from keeping the romance alive, you need to:

Keep listening to her when she wants talk about something

Support her in things she wants to do with her life

Maybe she wants to take up a new hobby, change her career. The longer you’re together, the stranger things like this feel for the partner. They sometimes feel like the other person’s moving away from them. But putting them down or trying to discourage them will only make them resent you. Encourage her personal growth and she’ll love you forever.

Keep your sanity by doing your “own thing” as well

Go out for a night with the boys, watch the odd sports game, play the odd Playstation game. She won’t resent it as long as it’s not every day.

Sacrifice a few things for the relationship

Inevitably people let a few things go for the sake of a long-term relationship. This shouldn’t include things that are really important to you, such as family or career. But if you’re accustomed to drinking with your mates every Saturday night, maybe give that a rest. If you have an impressive porn collection on display and regularly watch porn movies, perhaps cut down on that a bit. Remember she will also be making small adjustments for you. It’s inevitable when people spend a lot of time together that they will have to make a few modifications to suit the other person.

Maintain a sex life that keeps you both happy

If you don’t, you’ll inevitably start looking around at other women. If you stop having sex with her she’ll be like a friend and not a lover. Often, just making the effort to have hot sex is a turn-on in itself.

Things not to do in a happy long-term relationship

Don’t fight

Although the occasional blow-up is fine and the make-up sex is great, fighting regularly is tiring, degrading and pointless. You shouldn’t need to fight all the time.

Don’t lie

Women are often mysteriously attuned to lies so don’t do this. Women place enormous importance on trust, and if she can’t trust you then nothing else matters.
Obviously this doesn’t include “white lies” such as when she asks you if she looks fat in that dress and if you like her new leopard-skin shoes.

Don’t put her down

A lot of men do this without even realizing; they tease her about her lack of intelligence or patronize her. Be very careful about doing this. If you fall into the habit it will seem very natural to you while her feelings for you will completely disappear. The saddest thing is when women start to believe the put-downs and don’t have the confidence to leave. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

Don’t hold grudges

Occasionally she may be irrational or make the mistake, then ask you to forgive her. You may feel superior and refuse forgiveness, but think how this makes you look. She’s already apologized; now like a child you’re holding it over her head. She will respect you more for your adult behavior, which means you will forgive her and let it go. You will not bring it up in the future, again and again. How annoying would that be!

Conclusion

Follow the advice in this series, practice, make mistakes and learn from them, and you will be a great success with women. For information about pleasing her in bed, which I’m sure you want to do, see keep reading for part two of this series.

Ending it Nicely

On the other hand, you may feel after a few dates that things aren’t going so well and you’d rather not see her again. This may be because you’ve learned something about her you don’t like, you’ve since met and are more attracted to someone else, or you’ve just got lazy and let things slide.

A lot of men also break up for the reason that they’re afraid of long-term commitment. If you’re one of these men and you find yourself ending relationships at a certain time because the length and depth of the relationship is scaring you, try writing a list of qualities you a) must have in a woman, b) would like to have (but aren’t necessary) and c) you can’t stand in a woman. Be realistic. This gives you something concrete which will prevent you from making flimsy excuses when ending a relationship (see Seinfeld for a case study of a man who does this). Also try asking yourself why you are scared.

Whatever the reason, here are some tips for breaking up as smoothly as possible.

Ending a relationship is never easy, and the more long-term the harder it is. The break-upper may feel guilty, depressed, confused, and resentful. The break-upee may feel all these things, plus the pain of rejection, which is hard to get over. If you’re the initiator of this process, unless you’re an incredibly nasty person, you’ll want to be very gentle.

So the break-up doesn’t come as a complete surprise to her, you could start dropping some hints, such as the fact you don’t want to be in a long-term relationship.

When the time comes to “have the talk”, expect her to get upset. Don’t ignore her if she does, that would be very cruel. Ask her if she’ll be okay. Ask her if there’s someone she can talk to.

Make sure you compliment her, don’t insult her. Tell her you think she’s great and that you’ve enjoyed your time together. But don’t suggest you be friends. If you are interested in being friends, talk to her about it another time when the pain isn’t as fresh. Many men (and women) use this line to soften the blow but actually it doesn’t help, as it’s an offer often made out of pity rather a genuine desire to remain in contact.

Don’t fight with her, just accept her anger and try to deal with it without getting into a screaming match.

Reassure her that it isn’t anything she said or did, because she will immediately jump to this conclusion.

Stick to your guns. Backing down at this stage won’t do you or her any favors. If she starts crying, comfort her, but don’t change your mind, it can’t possibly work!

Last, if you’ve told her you want to be single right now, don’t start seeing someone the next day if you think she’ll find out. So many men do this and not only is it infuriating for her, it exposes you as a liar and will damage your reputation with other women.

Signs that it’s time to say goodbye:

Your sex-life is terrible and there’s no way to improve it

Of course this one depends on how important you consider sex, but for most men if the sex is suffering so is the entire relationship. For women, they usually stop having sex if there is a problem in the relationship.

You don’t enjoy her company any more

You cannot be in a successful relationship, no matter how good the sex is, if you don’t like being with her. Maybe you fight all the time, maybe you have habits that get on each other’s nerves, but if you don’t look forward to seeing her, what’s the point?

She is mean to you

Unfortunately some women do get a kick out of putting their men down, consciously or not. Maybe she saw her mother treat her father that way and thinks it’s normal. If she’s making you feel bad about yourself this relationship is very damaging so get out!

She is too demanding

Throughout this series I’ve given guidelines on how to make women happy, but if it’s constant work for little reward, she’s taking advantage of you.

You don’t respect her

If you date someone you don’t respect you are damaging both of you. You need to question why you see her at all. Is it money, a career move, the sex? Whatever, it would be surprising if you had any self-confidence left after this.

If you’ve been seeing her regularly and things show no sign of slowing down, great! Part 11 is all about how to keep things in your favor.

Sometimes women will do things that you won’t understand. It doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, depending on what she does and how you handle it. If she seems the hysterical type, however, and flies off the rails at regular intervals then it’s best to say goodbye. Before we get started on the smaller problems, here are some women to flat out avoid:

She considers money an issue

If she never pays for anything herself, and gets grumpy about paying for things, she’s not worth it unless you’re looking for a one-night stand.

She has a lot of emotional baggage

Sadly, a lot of women suffer abuse at some point in their lives and this is not necessarily a sign that you shouldn’t see her. However, if she mentions it constantly and it infiltrates every part of your relationship, you should move on.

She is a psycho

A “psycho” is any woman who is often irrational, emotional, flips out regularly or even hits you. Run!

These are all extremes and most women are perfectly normal and lovely, though guaranteed they will occasionally behave in a way that you don’t understand. This is because they have different hormones and often think on a different level. The success of the relationship will depend on how you handle these confusing times.

Problems and How to Handle Them

Crying

Sometimes a woman will cry out of frustration or sheer emotion. It may have nothing to do with you. The best thing to do is not say anything, unless she’s angry with you. If she’s crying over something you said, some good responses are:
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I can see this is really important to you.”

If she’s not angry but just sad, take her in your arms and give her a hug. Don’t try and find out what the problem is while she’s still crying, wait until she’s calmed down.

When she is ready to talk, don’t try to reason with her or belittle her problems. She’s feeling a little irrational so the best thing to do is listen. If she is being irrational, most likely she will realize later and apologize.

Again, if she cries often, especially during sex, it’s best to say goodbye.

PMS

A lot of women suffer from Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, and all men in a relationship need to be aware of their girlfriend’s cycles. Common symptoms are getting a bit emotional (hence the crying sometimes) and being snappy. The best thing to do is stay away from her when she’s at her worst, but this shouldn’t be a massive problem as women who suffer from bad PMS usually have medicine for it. If it’s coming between you, or you feel she’s always explaining away bad behavior as PMS, then it’s not something that’s going away.

Manipulation

Sadly, some women learn from the young age that they can manipulate men into doing things they’d ordinarily refuse to do, such as paying more money for a gift than they feel comfortable with, saying goodbye to close friends that she doesn’t like, or generally giving ultimatums. She may use sex as a reward, only bestowing it if the man agrees to what she wants. She may seem difficult to please, and may occasionally “test” you to check your commitment to her.

This is not healthy behavior and she will know this deep down, but some behavior is ingrained and hard to give up. The reason for her manipulation is it’s an attempt to control you through playing mind games. Women are rarely able to control men physically, so this is her attempt to be one step ahead of you.

If your woman is frequently manipulative, here are some ways to deal with it:

Don’t lose your cool and fight with her

If you don’t remain calm, she’s already “won” in her eyes. You look like you can’t handle a bit of conflict; in short, you look weak. Try and agree with her and she’ll soon be pacified.

Let her know how important she is to you

If she feels secure she’s less likely to feel the need to test you on things. Telling her she’s important to you will calm her down. Remember, she’s not a bad person, just scared of losing control.

When she has a problem to discuss

Unlike most men, when a woman has a problem she usually wants to talk about it. Men often make the mistake of trying to solve her problem rationally, they think this is what she’s asking for when she talks about it. Wrong. A woman lets off steam by simply sharing her problem with someone, often it clears up things in her own head.

The man’s job is to simply listen and indicate that he is indeed listening by nodding and saying, “yes”, “uh-huh”, “right”, and all the other nonsensical indicators that he is paying attention.

On the other hand, if you have a problem and want to be alone to think, simply tell her this and she’ll understand. Going off on your own and not returning her calls will cause her to think she’s done something wrong. Simply be honest, tell her it’s not her but you’ve got something on your mind, and she’ll appreciate your straight-forwardness.

Remember, honesty plus listening plus romance equals lots of reward for you!

Before the Second Date

After a successful first date, the second date should be a bit easier because you know her better, she knows you better, and you can plan a date (longer than the first: about four hours) based more around something specific she enjoys doing. The importance of planning cannot be stressed enough. Here are some things you need to plan:

Plan where to go

Here are some suggestions of where to go for the second date (keeping in mind her preferences)
- museums
- concerts
- an independent cinema
- a nice restaurant
- a beach or park
- amusement park
- plays
- zoo
- comedy club
- tourist spot

Remember to also have a back-up plan, in case of weather problems or if she has a strong objection to your choice.

Buy her a small gift

Women love surprises, and in their minds it’s the little details that matter, so buying her a little present relevant to the date will really impress her. If you go to the zoo, buy her a little toy animal. If you go to a play or concert, buy her a programme. It’s not the expense–in fact buying her an expensive gift may freak her out a little bit–it’s the thought.

Prepare for any outcome

If you’ve asked her out again, your intentions will be clear to her, and how she responds will depend completely on her. You will get a feeling of the right time to make your move, but even if you’re unsure, plan for the best-case scenario. This means having clean sheets on your bed, wearing clean clothes, and bringing condoms. Don’t set up your room romantically (with candles etc.) as this will tell her you were sure she’d sleep with you, and gives your room the look of a lion’s den of seduction – not a good look.

During the Date

Be punctual

You must be punctual for the date. It shows your interest and respect. Remember the beginning of the date is where the rest follows on from. Start it well.

Be romantic and upbeat

Asking romantic questions during a date is a bit like foreplay for her – it stimulates all the feelings that you want her to have. During the second date is when you can find out what she likes. You can ask her jokingly, but you’ll probably be surprised by the detail of her answers.

Also keep topics of discussion upbeat. Don’t get into a debate on feminism, world poverty, or any topic that is heavy and heated. Don’t appear submissive, i.e. complain about how much you hate your job or anything that makes you look like a victim.

Remember to treat her romantically, not as one of your male friends. Compliment her, it shows that you notice her and appreciate the effort she’s made to look good for you.

Very important: focus on her, not on other women!

The First Kiss

If you wait for the woman to make the first move, you could be waiting a long time, as it’s traditionally the man who initiates the first kiss. A sexy man is one who knows what he wants and goes for it.

Providing you’ve done things right up to this point, the first kiss should happen naturally. If you’ve been romantic, made her laugh, paid attention to detail and done all the other things this book suggests then your kiss won’t be a mountain to climb, but a stepping stone in the general progression of things.

For more information on how to please her in bed, the second part of this series is for you. But here we will outline some facts about the first kiss and how to make it go well.

When to do it

Before you go for it, certain conditions must be met or she’ll say no. However, if you’re not concentrating on it but a situation arises where it suddenly “feels right”, just go for it!

When you do make the first move, she must be aware that you want her, so don’t take her by surprise. Of course, she has to want you too. If you’re really not sure if the time’s right, here are some ways to find out:

Before the Kiss

Touch her

Try touching her hand casually, such as when you’re passing her something, to gauge her reaction. If she doesn’t pull away, try prolonging the touch. If her face flushes and her eyes light up, that’s a positive sign. If she pulls away, it’s not the right time.

Hug her and kiss her on the face

If you’re in the initial few days of a relationship, keep these brief as she’ll begin to associate you with friendly hugs and gentle pecks on the cheek. These are affectionate gestures that bring you closer, so if she enjoys them it’s a sign you can get more passionate soon.

Check that she’s keen to prolong time with you

After the first part of your date, such as a concert, suggest you go for a coffee. If she’s enthusiastic to spend more time with you, this is her chance to show it. If she is, she’ll probably be responsive when you try to kiss her later.

If she seems happy and interested in you then exactly when you kiss her will all depend on timing. You will know when the mood is there. Don’t wait until the kiss goodnight, this isn’t a Hollywood movie. Kiss her when the feeling is there.

It is possible that no matter how well things are going, she may still say no. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to kiss you ever, so you can still try again later. Be a gentleman; don’t get rude or angry about it.

How to do it

The first kiss shouldn’t be a shock to her, as all the stages leading up to it have been a kind of “preparation” for this moment. Again, however, you’ve done so well up to now that you don’t want to ruin it, so remember to start gentle and not to ram your tongue into her mouth. This is not a race, just your first passionate moment together. She obviously desires you, so you will need to decide when to stop it. If she’s pressing up against you hard and breathing heavily, don’t stop! But usually the first kiss should be short and gentle, as it’s only the prelude of what’s to come.

Here are two case studies to show you how the advice so far works on a practical level.

Case Study One: Richard’s Successful Seduction

Richard had been trying for as long as he could remember to pick up a woman, but they never seemed interested, or just wanted to be friends. He couldn’t understand it; he was good-looking, a successful banker and loaded with cash. Surely women should be dropping at his feet?

On a recent date which he felt to be going well, he noticed his date was about to fall asleep. He asked her what was wrong.

“It’s just…You don’t stop talking about yourself!” she burst out.

Richard hotly denied this, but later he went home and thought about it.

Maybe he had just been thinking about himself, and not the women he was with. A few days later, when he was walking his dog, he saw an attractive woman resting on a bench with her own dog. He smiled at her and she smiled back.
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing what a healthy coat your dog has. How do you keep it looking so good?” he asked. They fell into a conversation, Richard all the time making an effort to listen to her, ask her questions and show her he heard what she said. He didn’t even mention his job, but kept the conversation on topics that obviously interested her.

It was a hot day so he suggested they go for a drink and she agreed.

After chatting for a while, they were laughing together and he could see that she liked him. He ended the meeting first, saying he had to go, and hoped that she’d want to see him again.

He said, “It was really nice meeting you and I’d like to see you again. Could I have your phone number?”

“Sure,” she said and scribbled it down on a piece of paper. Richard knew that sometime in the near future she’d be in his bed, and all it had taken on his part was a slight change of behavior.

Case Study Two: Nigel’s Disaster Date

Nigel was a nice guy, but he was always nervous around women. He’d never had a female friend, had no sisters and didn’t really know what women were like. He was so terrified of rejection that he barely left the house. One day his friends decided to take him out for the night. They made sure he was clean and well-dressed, then headed for a trendy bar in town.

Inside it was packed. They finally squeezed into a table in the corner, downed a few drinks and surveyed the crowd.

Nigel’s eyes locked with those of an incredibly sexy woman, wearing a very tight dress and for some unimaginable reason, sitting alone. She smiled at him and he looked down, his face blushing furiously. One of his friends had seen them. “Hey, she likes you man!” he teased Nigel. “Go talk to her.” So a few beers later and a bit more encouragement, Nigel stood up unsteadily and walked over. She smiled up and him and said, “hi.”

“How’s it going?” said Nigel shyly. Suddenly a drunk man on the other side of the room started singing/yelling, and they smiled at each other. Nigel relaxed and soon they were chatting easily. When one of his friends came over and said they were going, Nigel told her, “I’m really sorry but I’ve got to go now, but I really enjoyed talking to you. Could I call you sometime?” She gave him her number and he went home feeling like a million bucks.

The next day, however, he was hung-over and scared once more. What had he done? He wanted to call her, but couldn’t face the pressure of it all. Finally he picked up the phone, dialed quickly and when she answered, blurted: “Hi it’s me, just calling to see if you wanted to go to a movie, I’ll meet you at the Odeon on Thursday night at 7pm, okay?
“O-okay…” she replied uncertainly.
“Bye!” He hung up, feeling better. That wasn’t so hard.

On Thursday night he waited outside the cinema, a bag of nerves again. He looked at his watch impatiently; she was late. Finally she showed up and he snapped, “We don’t have much time now. Let’s just get the tickets.”

The movie he had chosen was an R18 with graphic sex scenes. He always enjoyed watching sex and assumed she would too. They sat in silence until the film started, then when a sex scene came on, Nigel leaned over to her. She moved away and he returned to the film, feeling hurt and angry. What was she playing at?

After the film, they followed the crowd back outside. “Come home with me,” Nigel said. He’d prepared his room with candles, soft music, and had lots of sexy posters. “Uh, no, I have to go now.” She turned and ran quickly in the opposite direction. Nigel couldn’t believe it, and trudged home thinking women were the weirdest creatures.

From Richard and Nigel’s examples, you can see how the advice from this book on making a woman feel good, when you meet her and when you take her out, can be used in practice.

For information on how to please her in bed, the second part of this series is for you, but for now let’s look ahead to problems men encounter when they start seeing women, how to break up nicely, and achieving long-term success in a relationship with a woman.

Like the phone call, keep it short and casual. This is a time to further win her trust and interest, not the time to bed her, although if you’re very attracted to each other it could well happen anyway. Just don’t expect it, or pressure her.

Go somewhere like a coffee shop, for a few drinks, or somewhere you can talk. For women talking is a huge aphrodisiac. If you’re both active, you could go hiking. You could go sightseeing together. The point is, don’t spend a lot of money on this first date.

Don’t go somewhere where there is loud music, don’t go to a movie. You may have a good time but no progress is being made in your seduction.

(One tip: If you meet her friends or family, make an effort to impress them, because their opinion of you will matter to her. Try and remember their names.)

The most important thing to remember is listen to her. I can’t stress this enough as so many men drone on about themselves the whole time on a first date. Why would she want to see you again if you did this? To learn more about your experiences as a head prefect at high school? No way! Listen to her and she’ll be dying to see you again. Show her that you remember what she said at your first meeting.

The point is that it is not difficult to please a woman if you pay attention to her particular needs. Then she will pay attention to yours.

In order to get a second date, the first date should be light, a bit mysterious, and not have any bad feelings. Think about what you want the outcome of this date to be. Most likely you’ll want it to lead on to another meeting, so during this time you’ll want to create some romantic feelings. You do this through asking the odd romantic question which stems from some story you tell. Remember you need to contextualize. To ask her out of the blue what her first kiss was like will seem abrupt and make her uncomfortable. You need to create a reason for asking, such as a discussion (real or made-up) that you were having with your flatmate, then ask her opinion. You’ll get to learn her attitude to sex and love, and also create an association in her mind between you and romance. If you stimulate romantic feelings in her, you’ll do just that.

Another aim of the first date is to find out what she likes to do, which will enable you to plan the second date with her enjoyment in mind.

You’ve seen her, you know you want her, and you’re pretty sure she’s interested in you. Now’s the time to talk to her. As mentioned before, a woman can be seduced anytime and anywhere. You will know when the time is right for you.

What to say

Just go up to her and say hello, and your name. This is the simplest, most genuine, most foolproof first line. Then ask her what her name is and then remember her name. This shows you think she’s special enough to commit her name to memory.

When you talk to her you want to personalize your discussion and not use lines that you have memorized. Before you approach her, look at her to see if there’s something you can use at the beginning of the conversation, such as a book she’s carrying, an interesting drink she’s holding, anything that will get her talking.

Woman love being complimented, it makes them feel appreciated. Look at her, decide on something in particular that attracts you to her and use it during your conversation.

Also think about where you are and use that during your approach. If you’re at a concert, ask her what she thought of the band. If you’re in a park, ask here if she’s seen the Monument and show it to her. Wherever you are, there’s a wealth of material at your fingertips to take the pressure off you.

Things to do (and not to do) when talking to her

Firstly, have a sense of humor. This will help her relax, but just bear these things in mind:

1) Don’t jokingly insult her, especially not her appearance. You may do this with your guy friends, but women are generally more sensitive.
2) Don’t put yourself down. You may think this is funny, and she may think so too and laugh, but you don’t want her laughing at you! This is not seductive.
3) Don’t joke about violence. The last thing you want to do is frighten her. Look in the papers to see what kind of atrocities happen to women and you’ll understand why women are easily frightened off by aggression.
4) Don’t just be a clown. Some clowning is good, but too much and she’ll see you affectionately but not romantically.

Secondly, ask her questions. This does several things. It puts the spotlight on her, giving you a break from the pressure of finding something to say, it tells her that you’re interested in her as a person, and it helps you to get to know her interests so you can raise them again in conversation. That shows her you’ve been listening too. Extra bonus points!

These are some basic facts about how to approach a woman. It’s likely that she will see how interested you are and be willing to chat with you. (However, if she is cold and unfriendly don’t get angry, just move on.) You learn through practice, and as you become more confident and earn her trust, which is absolutely vital, you can ask her out.

How to ask her out

After a while, you both seem to be getting on well and you want to see her again. It’s better not to organize a date on the spot, give yourself time to think over what she’s said and what she might want to do.
So, after a successful session of flirting, you ask her for her phone number and she says yes. If you are terribly nervous, you can give her your business card, but the chances of her calling you back are incredibly low. To her, it looks as if you could be handing out your card to everyone and that you have an inflated sense of self-importance. Either that or you’re passive. So take a risk and get her number. Be confident about it, say that you would like to see her again. Remember the mantra: You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get! It’s simple but almost too simple for people to remember.

When to call, what to say

When calling (and there is no “right” time to call, just don’t call the same day and don’t leave it a month) try to avoid leaving a message, but you may have to if she’s busy or screens calls. If you do leave a message, keep it short. If she doesn’t return your call, try again, but on the third call say it’s be your last for a while if she doesn’t respond. Don’t be needy or confrontational.

The first thing you need to say when you call is your name, to remind her of who you are and where you met. When suggesting the date, plan where you want to go (and when) before you ask her. This shows you’re decisive, doesn’t put her on the spot to suggest something and gives you the advantage of selecting a place where you feel comfortable.

Don’t call her the day before you want to see her! It seems thoughtless and like you’re assuming she’ll either drop all plans to be with you, or she isn’t popular enough to have any. Give her a few days’ notice.

Before the call you may be feeling a bit nervous, so jot down some notes in case you get stage fright. Remind yourself that she gave you her number so she wants you to call.

Remember also to keep the call short. Your goal is to arrange a date with her, so keep it relaxed, don’t interrupt her and make a plan.

So you’ve found a few places to hang out and you’ve seen some hot women. Today there’s one you really like. She’s sitting alone, ready for you to make your move. So what do you do now? In the next two parts of this series I’ll talk you through approaching her and making her a sure thing. Here you will read about the seduction techniques that will have her wanting you as much as you want her.

Through the next few chapters I will mention flirting. Flirting is the initial interaction between a man and a woman when there is some chemistry involved. It’s a time to convey interest in each other, and it’s a time for her to imagine what you’d be like in bed or in a relationship. Think of it as a kind of playing with each other. Flirting is both vocal and physical, starting with body language, hers and yours.

As I said, before a word is spoken you can do a lot of the work through body language.

Here’s what to do:

1) Initial Signals
A lot of men don’t pay attention to body language, which is a shame as body language plays a far greater part in communication than speech and most of it is initiated by women. Studying body language will make you much more attuned to whether a woman likes you or not, or if she wants you in bed.

When you’re out for the night, there will usually be women whose goal is the same as yours: to have sex. She’ll be scanning the room to check out all the guys. So make eye contact with that beautiful woman, casually at first as your eyes pass her to scan the rest of the room. Then a few seconds later, look back at her. Hold her gaze for a second and smile. Always smile! This tells her you like her. If she holds your stare for longer than necessary, and even smiles back, this is a sign that there is chemistry in the air.

Other signs that she is interested are: stroking her hair, crossing her legs in your direction, wetting her lips, caressing a part of her body, thrusting her chest forwards, moving her hips as she walks away, or adjusting her clothes. Study her body language, but remember not to stare overtly – it’s rude and very disconcerting.

It’s also possible that a woman will have negative body language. Be careful of crossed arms, which communicate defensiveness. Bored or angry people usually have their arms crossed. However, negative body language isn’t necessarily directed at you, she may be shy or uncomfortable with those around her. If you still want to try talking to her, give it a shot.

With this kind of communication across a crowded room, you can get her signal to approach.

2) During your conversation
You don’t really need to worry about your own body language as it’s an instinctive thing that will take care of itself. If you’re attracted to a woman your body will communicate that attraction! A few things, though: don’t slouch, your body should be relaxed but not lazy, and don’t leer. Some men enjoy talking to breasts but it’s a bit of a turn-off for the owner.

Remember that her body language may change during the conversation, this is normal as her emotions will fluctuate. If the conversation’s going well, she will almost definitely start touching you occasionally. This is a natural instinct with women as they bond with someone. With touching, always let her initiate this. You don’t want to scare her off.

If you can spend a bit of time studying other people’s body language you’ll be one step ahead of the crowd and able to anticipate her feelings and what she wants to hear. Body language is a wonderful thing because it can give you the signal to continue or the signal to stop.

Ironically, it’s usually the night when you’re tired and don’t feel like going out that turns out to be the most successful. So accept those invitations, the best way to meet women is to get out there. You can meet a woman anytime, anywhere, so always look your best! Even a Sunday morning trip to the supermarket could be an unprecedented success. However, you’re more likely to score a woman who is a friend of a friend rather than a complete stranger, because she’ll be more open to talking.

Here are a list of places you’re most likely to find her.

Coffee Shops
This is now the most common pick-up place, with men and women going there just to relax, see friends, read a book. They’re open day and night, can be empty or buzzing, so you can choose the moment. Also, people in coffee shops are usually drinking coffee which stimulates them and makes them more open and talkative.

A Party at Someone’s House
Here you will need to be well-behaved, as there won’t be a lot of people and you can’t just go around chatting girls up and handing round paper for them to write their phone numbers. Everyone will know each other somehow, so you can ask around later to hook up another meeting. Tip: If you never get invited to parties, throw your own and ask people to bring single friends.

Club meetings
Sports, photography, Greenpeace, church events, whatever interests you, and you will meet a like-minded person. The best way to meet a woman you have something in common with is to do whatever interests you. Plus you can get to know her over a period of time.

Art galleries, Libraries, Museums
A lot of women are interested in art, and a lot of libraries have cafes these days where you could take her for a coffee to continue the seduction. The great thing about art galleries and museums is they’re full of topics for discussion. She’ll also be impressed by how “cultured” you are.

Walking your dog in the park
Animals are great for breaking the ice – they wouldn’t have a clue about sexual tension or social etiquette – and if your dog’s busy sniffing hers, well, you have to stop and talk, don’t you? If you don’t have a dog, borrow one!

A Bar
One plus of the bar scenario is it’s often crowded, so it seems more natural to start a conversation with the person next to you, and as alcohol is often an ingredient the bar meeting can be very successful. Be careful though, as the bar is also a cliché of the sleazy pick-up joint and a lot of women are wary of this. If you do go “out” to a bar or club, go with another guy friend or better still with some female friends as well, as this tells women that you see females as people and not just prospective lays.

A Laundromat
The perfect pick-up place as everybody’s sitting round together doing a boring chore. Liven up her day by starting a conversation.

A Dance Club
Not recommended as a place to meet women – the noise renders conversation impossible, looks are the most important thing here and drugs are often a factor.

The Internet and Group Dating
In this Cyber-age, the ideal place to practise seduction is online, especially if you’re shy or have trouble dealing with rejection. You can visit a Chat-room, of which there are many in themes of every kind, type with a group, then start messaging privately someone you like. The best part is, monogamy isn’t an issue! Chatting can lead to cyber-sex, real sex, or even more, as there are stories of people who fell in love over the Internet and lived happily ever after. Whatever rocks your boat, you’ll find it here. Just don’t lose touch with the real women out there.

Group dating is often praised by people as it’s safety in numbers; everyone’s nervous and in the same boat so it’s less one-to-one. It does mean that there’s more competition for the one attractive woman at the table though, so maybe try it alone before you resort to this.

Now this doesn’t mean you have to constantly check yourself out in the mirror like the Fonz in Happy Days, but it’s amazing how many men don’t even bother to wash themselves before trying to bed a woman. Do you really think she’s going to fall for that egg-stain on your shirt? Making yourself look and smell good doesn’t take very long and believe me, it makes a huge difference.

Clothes
It’s not about making yourself into something you’re not, it’s making the most out of what you already have. So you need to create your own style, wear something you feel comfortable in. Own the clothes, don’t let the clothes own you. So, if you don’t like that Gucci suit, don’t wear it. Even torn jeans can be sexy provided they’re clean. Remember, how you look is the first impression you make, so make the most of it!
If you have no idea what looks good and hate the very idea of shopping, ask your sister or a female friend to help you. Women enjoy this so finding someone is unlikely to be a problem.

Exercise
Again, this is about being physically healthy, not Fabio, so don’t cringe. This is about sex appeal. Woman cannot appreciate enough a man who is in good shape. If he exercises regularly, a man increases his supply of testosterone and therefore his sex drive. Who could say no to that? So get into the habit of exercising regularly, you’ll have more energy, self-confidence, and when she strips you off you’ll have nothing to hide.

Washing
You want to appeal to a woman’s every sense, so you want to smell as good as possible. Most women prefer a man who wears a scent that is fresh and subtle – don’t overwhelm her with cologne. Well-known brands such as Armani, Givenchy, Hugo Boss and Ralph Lauren are always popular.

In the shower, a body wash is fine, and use a masculine exfoliant for your face from time to time. Don’t forget deodorant – Lynx is recommended. Also a moisturiser for your face is a good idea; don’t you love the idea of her stroking your face?

Stinky Breath
This is the ultimate turn-off, so be careful to stay away from garlic and onions when going on a date. Always carry gum or mints with you, and brush your tongue as well as your teeth. Floss your teeth from time to time.
If you smoke and she doesn’t, don’t kiss her after a fag, you’ll taste like an ashtray.

Facial and Body Hair
Some men have a weak chin or bad acne scars, in which cases a beard or mustache nicely disguises them. Some men suit facial hair, but often it’s a matter of taste and some women go for it while some don’t. You could try asking the woman you’re interested in how she feels about it. Also remember that stubble can cause a rash on a woman when you kiss her. Not so sexy!

Hair is kept healthy by a good diet, regular exercise and use of a good shampoo and conditioner. There are many hair products on the market for men now.

If you suffer from thinning hair or a receding hairline, don’t despair. Try shaving the rest off like Andre Agassi. Or you could try one of those hair-replacement creams, such as Rogaine. Do whatever feels most comfortable for you, or do nothing. Some women find a bald head very sexy.

About body hair, its sexiness depends on its condition. Some women love to bury their faces in chest hair, to roll it around their fingers. If you are worried about excessive hair however, you could try electrolysis treatment or waxing. Some women have a thing about bare-chested men, which has a beauty of its own.

All men should use maintenance on their body hair. Just like you should cut your fingernails and toenails, so should you tidy up certain hairs, such as nostril hairs and pubic hairs. It’s simple maintenance.

Body Movement
You don’t need to be the male lead in Swan Lake, but a certain grace translates, in a woman’s mind, to the bedroom. When you’re changing positions in bed, or undressing, you don’t want to elbow her in the eye or tread on her leg. If dancing’s not your thing, do a martial arts class or anything to improve your body movement.

Feeling Good Before you Make a Move
We’ve talked about preparing yourself physically for a woman you want, but what about mentally? When you approach a woman there is always a risk of rejection, and a man who is a bag of nerves is unlikely to impress. So, how do you make it work for you?

In part 5 we will talk about reading her signals and using your own to communicate before you have to say a word. This will save you a lot of rejection and give you the confidence to know she’s interested. Here are some other ways to prepare before you start seducing:

1) Know who you are and who you’re looking for.
First look at yourself, your interests, passions, faults. Maybe ask some friends what they think. This will make your first conversation with her easier, as you’ll feel more secure about yourself.

Next, think about what kind of woman you’re looking for. Whether you’re looking for a one-night stand or something more, you’re obviously thinking about having sex. So think about the type of woman you’d like. Is she tall, short, big-breasted, blond or brunette? Refine your desires first and it will be easier to target women you want.

2) Know that there will be women out there who want you.
If the shortest, geekiest, ugliest man can get laid, so can you. Once you feel secure about who you are and what you want, get out there and start looking. You will be the initiator, you may get rejected for whatever reason. But you have to keep putting yourself out there, learning from your mistakes, and moving towards that goal: you and her having sex.

Now you know where you’re coming from, the type of woman you’re looking for, you need to get out there and start flirting with them. So where are these sexy, beautiful and available women? To be revealed tomorrow!

As promised, this part of my How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand series focuses on what NOT to do around a woman you’re trying to seduce. Guys, listen up!

1) Don’t act like you’re going in for the kill
Okay, so you’re armed with techniques to attract her, but if you’re standing in front of her with a determined expression firing off rehearsed lines, she’ll run a mile. Relax. She’s a human being, just like you, with her own insecurities. When you’re relaxed, you’ll make her feel relaxed.

2) Respect her reasons for not being interested
You could be the nicest, cleanest, funniest guy in the world and she could still not be interested. This could be for any number of reasons. First, she may have a boyfriend in which case, back off. Men who don’t respect that a girl’s in a relationship seem pushy. Some men are unfazed by her relationship and carry on regardless. What you do is your decision, but it’s not recommended.

Second, she may simply not be interested in meeting a man at this time. She may be happily single, preoccupied with something else such as a demanding career, whatever. It’s nothing personal.

Finally, she may simply not be interested in you. I know that sounds harsh, when you’ve mustered up the courage to approach her and made yourself look so good. But there’s such a thing as chemistry, and if she can’t feel it then it won’t happen. It’s disappointing and sometimes crushing but the important thing is not to be put off. Often it’s a numbers game that you have to persevere at. Hopefully she won’t be mean about it, but however coldly she responds, accept her decision and try again. As mentioned above, some women do warm to a man who perseveres, so if you feel it’s a matter of time then you could try this approach. But if she’s downright rude then it’s a strong sign to move on.

Remember it’s all practice, it’s all experience, all men go through it. Don’t give up!

3) Don’t use corny pick-up lines or touch her too soon
Many men place far too much emphasis on the first line, thinking it’s monumental significance and charm will win her over forever. Sorry, but women aren’t that shallow! There are some god-awful lines out there that will guarantee you rejection.

For example:

“Look at you, in your pretty little dress.” (patronizing)
“How old are you?” (nosey)
“I saw you in line for the girl’s bathroom.” (So? Why are you hanging around there?)
“Have you ever kissed another girl?” (sleazy)

Don’t memorize gags and jokes beforehand, they sound forced. For what to say to her, wait for Part 6: Approaching Her.

You should let her initiate the touching, which she is likely to do as women use touching as a sign she’s bonding with you, such as putting her hand on your arm.

4) Don’t kiss her at the wrong time or ask for permission
By the “wrong time” I mean when she’s feeling vulnerable about something, for example she’s had a fight with a friend or just had a bad day. Hold her, sure, and you could try for more if she responds, but lunging at her will get you nowhere.

It’s hard for a woman to respect a man who asks for permission. We know he’s trying to communicate sensitivity, but all we hear is, “I can’t make my own decisions”, and it kind of breaks the moment. You’re a man, just go for it when you feel it’s the right time. If she doesn’t respond, be nice about it. There’ll be another time.

5) Plus a few more..
Don’t slobber over her, especially if she’s made herself look really nice for you; don’t brag about things, don’t watch a sports game on a date unless she wants to as well; don’t order her around (this includes in bed as well as out); don’t leave your porn collection lying around for her to see; don’t talk about other women; and finally, don’t pretend to know about things when you really have no idea.

Now you have a few ideas about things to avoid, we can move on to successful seduction techniques, the first being how to attract her physically.

I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome on board noted author and sex expert Lyla Marsh, who will be guest blogging a series here that she has entitled “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand”. Over the next few weeks she’ll be sharing with us her personal insights into hooking up, seduction, adult dating, and the art of pleasuring women.

Lyla, over to you!

Thanks Janak. My pleasure to be here, and thanks again for inviting me. I hope your readers will enjoy my series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it!

I thought we’d begin the series by answering a question I seem to hear every day from at least one of my male readers: what DO women want from men? Unfortunately the answer to this one isn’t straightforward. Women want LOTS of things from men! We’re greedy like that!

However, for the sake of everyone’s sanity and bearing in mind that we don’t want you guys falling asleep on us (a notorious male bad habit), I’ll try to keep our wish list manageable. Let’s step through the most important things women want from their men and spend a little time expanding on each thing.

Communication
To some men this is like trying to discover the secrets of the universe. As author John Gray says, it’s like women come from another planet. How do you find out what they want? The answer is, by talking to them and learning to read their signals. Communication is the most important thing by far. Remember this doesn’t mean talking about yourself for hours while she falls asleep – a lot of men get nervous and have a tendency to do this. Communication means listening, looking, and body language. Women want to know you’re interested in more than their bodies, that you’re paying attention to them. Also, a good listener usually means a good lover in a woman’s mind. You’ll be amazed at her response if you simply listen to what she has to say. A lot of men don’t.

Honesty
Trying to be someone you aren’t is the wrong way to go. A fake personality is obvious and you’ll only end up digging yourself into a hole. Women respect a man who is genuine. If you ever read the personals in a newspaper, or hang out in a chat room on the internet, people invariably lie about themselves: “6-foot dark-haired muscle man ” and so on. What happens when your untruths are exposed? I saw a personal ad once that said: “Chubby, 40-something unemployed couch potato seeks kindred spirit.” This man got an unbelievable amount of replies, his approach was so refreshing – and honest. A woman can really open up to a man she trusts.

Perseverance
A man who knows what he wants and goes for it is unbelievably sexy to a woman. It shows that he has the confidence and desire to pursue her. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should bother a woman who is clearly not interested or is in a happy relationship with someone else. But if you can show her you’re willing to overcome a few obstacles, such as her busy schedule or wariness of rushing things, she’ll really appreciate it.

Romance
Of course women want romance. Think about it: from the day they’re born they’re read stories by their parents, stories about princesses and castles and Happily Ever Afters with princes who don’t fart and have beautiful steeds. Now rationally women know that in the new millenium none of this will happen, but they’ve been conditioned enough to hope some aspect of it will permeate their lives. So the key is not to don a suit of armor, rather to take key elements of the fairytale and manipulate them to please her.

The most romantic thing a man can do for a woman is appreciate her. A woman will spend hours (and money) trying to look her best for a man, so acknowledge this by paying her little compliments. It shows that you notice her and admire her. By making her feel special, she is much more likely to “reward” you later..

You also need to be patient. Men make the mistake of expecting instant gratification, which makes it clear to the woman that he’s only after her for sex. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable so go slow.

A man of mystery is always the most exciting in a story, he creates intrigue and excites her into wanting more. Women love anonymous Valentines Day cards for example, because they can use their imaginations to create a fantasy. Keep a few things to yourself, without being devious, and she’ll want to know you better – mentally and physically.

Being spontaneous is incredibly romantic and a huge turn-on for women, especially in a long-term relationship. It keeps things fresh and stimulating. This doesn’t necessarily mean flowers and chocolates, just doing something out of the ordinary. Plan something for the two of you to do together, bring her breakfast in bed, any kind of nice surprise that breaks the routine a bit and stirs up the kind of feelings that were there when you started dating. A man who is romantic will always succeed with women, because through romantic gestures it’s like he’s speaking her language and showing that he understands her needs. You must use tour own special talent to create the romance, be it acting, writing, art, sports; it’s all about creating an illusion out of the ordinary.

A Sense of Humor
Of course this isn’t enough in itself to make a woman desire you, but it’s a great plus and a great way to get her attention. If you laugh, it lightens the mood and breaks the tension, and she’s likely to laugh with you. The ability to make a woman laugh is a great plus, and it shows her that you’re confident and relaxed around them.

So there we have it. Do our demands seem so unreasonable? Guys?

Of course, as well as knowing the basic things that please women, you need to know how not to screw up your seduction routine. Women are easily turned off, especially at the beginning when they don’t know you. With that in mind, my next post will be on the subject of what not to do around women. Stay tuned!