Australian sex symbol Samantha Brett recently travelled to Hollywood in order to examine the current casual sex craze in America. She gains perspective from several males and females along with experts included the renowned expert on the subject — Dr. Drew. Samantha traces back today’s casual sex epidemic to the advent of the birth control pill, and her thesis is that women are now as prone to have casual sex as men have always been. As for the men, Dr. Drew advises to slow things down just a tad — a little conversation before fucking never hurt anyone.

In terms of advice for the plethora of women today engaging in regular random sex, Dr. Drew advises that women remember that they hold the “keys to the castle”, and he urges females to embark upon a “no casual sex diet”. No doubt, men are sincerely hoping that this diet does not become a fad. A woman’s ability to bifurcate sex and feelings — like a guy can — is discussed in depth. It is suggested that women can only effectively engage in meaningless sex when they have no real compatibility with the guy — if there is compatibility, then women, unlike men, are unable to keep it at the casual level. This video provides a wide range of perspectives on the issue and parts will certainly ring true with those immersed in today’s hook-up culture.

Read on for the tearjerking tale of the man with the world largest penis, Jonah Falcon, who has discovered that simply being in possession of his perhaps-enviable womb-crushing pants behemoth isn’t enough to make him happy. Or rich. Or, well (in my opinion) interesting.

More information over here.

1. 9 Sex Myths you Shouldn’t Believe.
2. Men who help clean get more sex.
3. Hustler publisher sues nephews for making “inferior porn”.
4. Behold: the condom pillow.
5. Creepy kids’ books that really exist.
6. Strippers. (Oh go on, it’s really funny. We promise.)
7. Touch my balls. Touch them.
8. Sexual bases throughout the decades.
9. Give this man a Nobel Prize.
10. The Porn Rangers. Watch out.

This fascinating, in-depth interview with leading sex expert David Shade of Masterful-Lover.com kicks off a new series of interviews on Casual Encounters Blog.

Take it away, Mr Shade!

I see from your biographical information that you were divorced circa 1992. Do you think that had you known everything you know now that you would have salvaged that relationship? Perhaps never embarked on it in the first place? What are your feelings about it now?

First of all, thank you Janak for this opportunity. I am honored.

Looking back, I would not have wanted to salvage it, in fact I would never have embarked on it in the first place. My feelings now are that I am glad to be where I am. Believe me, I am enjoying myself a lot more now. And because of what I’ve been through over the past 17 years, starting with crushing defeat and evolving into victory beyond my wildest dreams, I am equipped to help other men to avoid the problems and go straight to success.

As research for this interview I read the “lost chapter” of Neil Strauss’s “The Game”. I found it a fascinating read: it’s quite the picture he paints of you. What’s your relationship with him like these days? And are you still only interested in bisexual women!

It was a fascinating night when we met. He is a Jedi Master at rapport. Nobody compares. By the way, contrary to what he wrote, I have never worn a pocket protector. Ha ha.

He and I have met a couple of times since then. We still occasionally communicate indirectly on business matters and he has interviewed me for his interview series.

As for bisexual women, all women are bisexual, some are just quicker to act on it than others. But since I’ve been there and done that, it is not among my top priority selection criteria.

What are your top priority selection criteria?

High self-esteem, intelligence, and an interest in continual learning. The continual learning is important because I am a hungry sponge for new knowledge and insight, and could only be happy with someone who is also. And it really plays into her ability and willingness to be with a man who is a hard working entrepreneur. Intelligence is important because the smarter they are the better my stuff works. High self-esteem is critical because she has to have the sense of deservedness enough to genuinely believe that she deserves happiness and incredible pleasure. Interestingly, it’s the easiest criteria to test for.

How do you do that?

Here’s a quick and easy tip. Shake her hand and notice how she shakes. If she gives you a limp handshake, she is low self-esteem. This is very dependable. If she gives you a good firm handshake, there is a possibility that she is high self-esteem. To know better, there is one truism about high self-esteem women; they were raised with a close loving relationship with their father, so say to her, “That is a good firm handshake. Did your father teach you that?” If she speaks highly about her father, there is a very good chance she is high self-esteem.

As for online dating, look at the way she composes her online profile and emails. If she uses a lower case i to refer to herself, she is low self-esteem. This is also very dependable.

You teach men to be Masterful Lovers. In that end, you teach them how to use hypnosis and NLP. Do you feel that hypnosis and NLP have ethical roles to play in giving women orgasms? If so, do you believe there are boundaries to their applicability, and if so, what do you believe those boundaries are/should be? If you don’t believe there ought to be boundaries, why not?

As for ethics and boundaries, it all goes back to intent and consent. Your intent is to enhance your woman’s enjoyment of being a woman, and everything is done in the context of consent. It’s very simple; if you don’t want to hurt someone, don’t do anything hurtful.

The first thing men learn when they learn NLP is to recognize all the mistakes they were not aware of that they have been making, such as creating bad associations. Then they learn how to create the right associations to enhance their woman’s experience with them. It’s the kind of stuff that women wish men would do.

Hypnosis is actually the advanced course. It is certainly not necessary to give women wild screaming orgasms, but it is needed for the really far out stuff. Interestingly, women are my biggest supporters. Whenever I put out an email where one of my clients reports success using hypnosis in giving his woman an hour long instant orgasm on command, I get a bunch of women emailing me asking where they can find such a man.

What is necessary to give women wild screaming orgasms?

To understand that for women, sex is entirely mental. Appeal to the mental aspects of female sexuality and everything else follows. It has nothing to do with experience, it has everything to do with having the correct knowledge and beliefs.

Does size matter?

It matters if you think it matters. Interestingly, the bigger the guy is, the more he thinks he needs to be bigger. But the truth of the matter is that size has no correlation to women having vaginal orgasms in intercourse. This is verified by emails I regularly get from women. Some women ask me why their well endowed man is not giving her vaginal orgasms in intercourse but her average sized ex was always giving them to her. Some women used to have a well endowed ex who never gave her vaginal orgasms but now her modestly endowed man is regularly giving them to her. And lots of married women ask me what they can do because their big husband never gives her orgasms.

It is the men who buy male enhancement products who are not giving women orgasms. They have all the wrong mindset.

It is interesting to note that the only women who say that size matters are the women who have never had a vaginal orgasm.

There has never been a case where a woman has vaginal orgasms only with a large man but never has vaginal orgasms with a modestly sized man. Never. And it all makes sense when you understand that sexuality for women is entirely mental and that with just your middle finger you can give a woman her very first vaginal orgasm.

How do you do that?

I fell upon this in 1993. I was with a young woman who had never had an orgasm. I tried all the usual stuff like her clitoris, her G-spot, intercourse, but nothing was working. So I simply looked for something that would work for her. With my middle finger I pressed against the front of her vagina as deep in her vagina as I could reach. She immediately responded powerfully, so I continued this, and she had her very first orgasm, a vaginal orgasm at that. Then she was able to have an orgasm in any manner.

I called it the deep spot. Thousands of my clients have had great success with it, and some of them reported that they had also fallen upon it themselves before they read my stuff. In 1998 it was independently discovered by the sex therapy community and referred to as the anterior fornix of the vagina.

Some people believe that some women cannot have vaginal orgasms.

The majority of women have never had a vaginal orgasm. Many of them believe that they are not “one of the lucky ones” who can have vaginal orgasms, as if they were dealt a bad hand. Some sexologists believe that some women are not born with as much “clitoral erectile tissue” within the front wall of the vagina and that women should not set expectations for themselves which would lead to disappointment. Actually, that sets women up for a self-limiting belief.

The reality of the matter is that there is no such thing as some women being preordained to have vaginal orgasms and some women being preordained to not have vaginal orgasms. All women are born with a vagina and a brain. Every woman is perfectly equipped to have vaginal orgasms.

The reasons why some women are not having vaginal orgasms have nothing to do with being dealt any particular hand. They are other reasons, such as chemical, emotional, or mental. Among the chemical issues are prescription drugs, the most popular being anti-depressants. Among the emotional issues include sexual abuse trauma, low self-esteem causing insufficient sense of deservedness for pleasure, abandonment issues, trust issues, inability to lose control to the pleasure in her body, etc. As for mental issues, the most popular by far is the self-consciousness caused when they feel they are going to pee, which causes them to back down and thus miss out.

And a lot of it has to do with clitoral dependency due to years of diligent practice. She has always used her clitoris to have an orgasm and never made any attempt on her own to experiment with vaginal stimulation. And in many cases she is simply with a man who is a lousy lover.

With regard to being a good lover, do you believe some people have limitations which simply cannot be overcome? If so, what are they? If not, how would you justify that belief?

Some men don’t have what it takes, and never will. In some cases it’s because they don’t care. In others, they are selfish. Neither of those can be overcome. In some cases they are just plain ignorant. That might be able to be overcome with education, but they have to want it. But the biggest problem is a warped concept of sexuality. That goes back to how they were raised. Only intense professional counseling can help in those cases.

But for most men, they simply want to learn the correct knowledge and beliefs that it takes to be a Masterful Lover. They are the ones who soak up the knowledge and take on the beliefs and have incredible success. I certainly wish I had access to this stuff a long time ago.

What do you think is the most important single piece of advice you could give to someone who is having trouble with being a good lover?

Understand and accept the fact that women are highly sexual creatures, much more so than men. Especially the smart high self-esteem ones. They actually want their man to be comfortable with their sexuality. You will quickly realize this yourself when you start implementing the material. You will have to be prepared for what appears, because women can really surprise you with how wild they can get.

What is keeping you busy right now? Any upcoming or current projects you’d like to let our readers know about?

Running my company keeps me busy full time. My latest project is a program that I worked on for 17 years called “Select Women Wisely”. It was recently released and I am very happy that it has been so well received. Men truly are interested in finding the good ones.

True enough. Thanks again David for being so incredibly generous with your time and energy: I’m sure our readers appreciate it. You can see David Shade’s video about the deep spot at youtube and check out David’s website at Masterful-Lover.com.

Plenty more great interviews coming soon–stay tuned!

Besides being a serial web entrepreneur, Ross Williams is founder and CEO of WhiteLabelDating.com, the most successful private online dating business in the United Kingdom. I follow and comment on White Label Dating’s blog, and first heard of him through it. I thought it’d be great for our readers (not to mention kind of a coup!) if I could get him to do an interview for us. It took a little wrangling and back-and-forth, but I managed to pin him down to answer a few questions in the end.

Read on for an insight into the mind of a sharp guy and one hell of a businessman who is really living the dot-com mogul dream…

Hi Ross, thanks for taking the time to respond to my questions, I really do appreciate it. When I was doing research for this interview I found a lot of information about your business activities, but not much about you as a person. What can you tell us about your life outside of the White Label Dating universe?

Well, there’s an online bio to be found at http://www.rosswilliams.com which goes through my background before starting WhiteLabelDating.com. I was awarded an organ scholarship at my school, then was lucky enough to be chosen by the Royal Air Force for a Flying Scholarship, where the RAF paid for me to learn how to fly.

At University I studied Psychology and French before setting up my own website design company and then WhiteLabelDating.com.

Outside of work I really enjoy travelling – which is great as we’re expanding into the USA, Canada, South Africa, New Zealand and Australia so I get to travel a lot with work at the moment to meet our partners in these territories.

I’m also a big car fan – I’ve been lucky enough to have a few TVRs (British hand-made sports cars) and Aston Martins. Now I’ve got a lovely Aston Martin DBS and a new Morgan Aeromax being delivered next year.

I saw in an interview you gave in mid-2007 that your objective for 2008 was to make WhiteLabelDating.com the #1 white label dating provider online. Have you achieved that goal yet? If not, why not? If so, how did you do it?

Absolutely, without a shadow of doubt. There were two main competitors in the white label dating space, but we’ve never lost a partner to either of them whilst they’ve both lost most of their partners to us.

I think we’ve become the best white label platform by focussing on our people rather than our technology. Other companies have tried creating a very highly engineered platform which was simply over-engineered for the task required.

We’ve got a good, strong, very high-converting platform coupled with excellent account management – I’ve got a team of a dozen account managers who look after our partners, with a very very low number of large partners for each account manager. This means my partners can dedicate a lot of time to their partners – in some cases, up to one day out of five will be dedicated to a single partner.

This means that our partners earn more money with us than anyone else – which is why we’re the number one.

What thing or things do you enjoy most about your position as WLD’s CEO and why? What attracts you to the dating industry in general?

Well, I have a fantastic team around me – I employ 65 staff full time in our UK Headquarters – and we have a great environment, working together, earning good money and helping people find fun and love online.

The dating industry is fantastic – it’s still got enormous potential to grow and I’ve no doubt that it will become the main way that people will find love. It’s a growing, profitable business to be in – and it’s great receiving testimonials from members who have found love through one of our partners sites.

It’s also good to know that we’ve allowed hundreds of partners to give up their full-time job and enjoy a better quality of life, working where and how they want to work to run their dating site and earn more money than they could ever earn in full time employment.

We’re paying some partners in excess of $350,000 per month now in revenues – that’s great for them and I really enjoy seeing them grow and knowing we’ve helped make a difference in their lives.

What do you think is the most important advice that someone considering starting a white label dating site should receive?

VISIT THE PLATFORM PROVIDER – most of our new partners originally start their site on another platform which promised them a massive revenue share or all the marketing support they’d ever need – the problem was, their site didn’t convert and didn’t make money, so they earned a high share of very little money.

Some disreputable companies will promise the world, but it’s you who needs to pay for the marketing and take the risk, so make sure you meet with the people in person, meet with their customer support team, development team (who will provide your users with new features) and ideally meet with some of their current partners as well.

Whatever you’re promised, remember that if done right, starting a white label dating site will be the best thing you do and could give you the freedom to live your life how you want and earn what you want. So don’t get stung by unscrupulous companies who don’t have the resource to back you up.

What do you think really separates WLD from its many competitors? What’s your unique selling proposition?

Our people – anyone who saw us in Miami or has come to one of our partner events will know that we’ve got a great team who are genuinely passionate about dating and helping our partners.

We’ve got 65 staff at present, still growing by about 5-10% per month – one of our competitors has one member of staff in the UK and a few unpaid developers in the Ukraine. The other competitor only has a few people in the UK and most of their people are also in the Ukraine – that particular competitor competes with it’s partners as well by promoting their own-brand sites to members.

Any plans for WLD you’d like to share with us? Any shout outs or additional comments?

There’s certainly some plans I’d love to share here, but all in good time – we blog regularly on our site at www.whitelabeldating.com and will be announcing some very exciting news for our partners in September 2009 – quite simply, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!!

1. Research confirms men not as picky about sex partners as women (no shit.)
2. Do single women seek out attached men?
3. The Count: censored.
4. Less sex, more TV for India.
5. Sexist computer is sexist.
6. Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.
7. Kelly Clarkson sort-of fail.
8. Gruesome rock’n'roll legends investigated.
9. Tough times in the porn industry–Savannah Stern driving a used car!
10. Prostitution: a users’ manual.

Lance is the penis-wielding component of Honey and Lance (for our interview with Honey and Lance’s female half, check this interview out).

A self-professed “aspiring kickass dude”, Lance’s sharp takes on the dating and mating game tend to be PUA-culture informed, but more thoughtful and emotionally honest than that fact might lead one to suspect. We were delighted when he agreed to give us this interview.

Not to reopen old wounds, Lance, but I’m a nosy old gossip, and when I was reading Honey’s response to my question about how your blog started I saw she stated that you were a “jackass” after you guys broke up, but that she forgave you. Do you think that’s fair comment, and if so, how were you a jackass?

Jackass is absolutely a fair statement. In fact, I still refer to myself as a jackass on a weekly basis because it keeps me humble and keeps me working on things. The short of it is Honey and I had a great relationship that I let disintegrate because I didn’t know how to handle a long-distance thing and I wasn’t man enough to face it. There were a lot of things I wasn’t man enough to do back in those days, and fortunately I’ve done a lot of growing since then and fixed a lot of my issues. I’m very lucky that Honey and I have a good relationship now that includes a rewarding creative partnership.

You refer to yourself as “an aspiring social artist”—what does that mean to you? How does wanting to be a “social artist” inform your everyday life and decision-making?

I don’t at all identify myself as a pickup artist. Measured purely on standards of pickup, I’m fair at best, well below average compared to the best guys. I label myself a social artist because I try to leverage all of the social skills I’ve developed into every facet of my life, from business networking to meeting women to improving my relationships with my regular friends to creating alliances at my job. I find this approach to life far more powerful and rewarding than simply using routines to game chicks and I think the best PUA’s and naturals understand this. Right now I’m very focused on my entrepreneurial pursuits so I use my skills to network, form connections, and close deals.

How would you sum up your advice with regard to dating, socializing, and intimate relationships? What’s your relationship to the “seduction” community?

That’s a tough question because all three are distinct. Being well rounded and an experienced dater is extremely helpful in dating. For socializing, interacting with many groups and individuals and exchanging value is good. I’m still trying to figure out intimate relationships! If pinned down, my thinking is that a successful LTR takes into account how the two partners make each other feel and everything else is gravy. If she makes me feel like a man and good about myself, she’s a keeper, and if I inspire her and make her feel like a woman, than she wins, too. All the logistics and commonalities will follow after that. That’s really hard to do, of course, because usually the individuals are selfish to the point where they don’t consider the partner or are not skilled enough to inspire the other person.

My relationship to the community is pretty loose, I author a blog that occasionally touches on pickup, game, and attraction. Beyond that, I’m friends with some guys who are pickup artists.

Looking at the things you enjoy on your “about” page, I see you include reading—what sort of stuff do you like to read? What attracts you to it?

I read anything and everything. It can range from Alan Greenspan’s “Age of Turbulence” to Tony Robbins to Guy Kawasaki to a Twilight novel. I devour the written word and much of it is mood dependent.

What are your current life goals, and how are you working towards them?

Lots of goals, but I’d like to own an Internet based business that’s worth somewhere in the $30 million range. Short term, I want to turn H&L into a moneymaker and then launch a couple of other sites. I’m always working on my fitness and maybe way down the road I’d like to publish a book or three.

Anything else you’d like to add or share with our readers? Projects you’d like to plug? Thoughts, comments?

I’d love to see some leader in the dating or pickup niches tackle deep relationship game, like break down what to do after the 2-3 month mark. It’s pretty clear to me that relationships are far more complicated than attraction and first dates and I’m fairly certain there are common structures that can be quantified just like in pickup.

I discovered the You Suck at Craigslist blog about six months ago, and have been reading and commenting on it pretty frequently since. The premise is fairly simple–find awful, painful (for whatever reason) Craigslist postings and hold them up to public scorn and ridicule. Like all successful blogs that have been based on similar ideas, the author’s commentary and the comments left by its regular readers are what really make it. As was the case with Mom’s blog, I knew next to nothing about YSaC’s author (drmk), to the extent that I even weirdly assumed (apropos of I-don’t-know-what) that she was a he.

Fortunately, she let my embarrassing faux pas slide with good grace and agreed to do an interview. Read on!

Hey there, mysterious “You Suck At Craigslist” guy. I read and comment on your blog nearly every day, and yet I know next to nothing about you as a person. Are you involved with humor writing in the wider world? Are there any details of your life and history outside the website that you feel comfortable sharing? Do you think it helps or hurts your blog that you don’t reveal much about yourself to your readers?

The first thing I think I’d like people to know about me is that I’m female, not male. For some reason everyone assumes there’s a guy behind YSaC; I’m not sure why that is! (I’m not offended by it — I just think it’s interesting.)

I’ve shared little bits in the comments about myself, but I’m pretty careful about what I say. The reason is that I teach at a university, and since this is ‘extracurricular’ work I’m not sure I want the whole world (and especially my tenure committee!) knowing I’m behind it. Part of what I’m expected to do for my job is writing and research — the “publish or perish” model — and I don’t want the committee to look at this site and think, “Well, she had enough time to do THIS, why didn’t she publish more articles?”

I’ve mentioned my husband, Dan, on the site; he’s helped me brainstorm commentary for posts in the past, and he recently offered to write some as well. I’m hoping he’ll keep doing so, as it’s time-consuming and my day job keeps me busy.

I hadn’t thought about it, but it probably hurts the blog that I don’t reveal much about myself — it probably makes it harder for people to relate to me as a person. It’s just what I’m comfortable with right now, though, and what I think is best for my real career.

If you were magically to be made CEO of craigslist, what changes would you make to it, and why?

Mandatory spellcheck and electric shocks via built-in cattle prods.

Ack, that’s actually a really good question. I’m fortunate enough to remember Craigslist back when you had to chisel your ads on stone tablets in San Francisco. Back then, Craigslist was a small and select group of people — basically, if someone had heard of Craigslist, they were someone you could trust. Now it’s full of scams and spambots, and that makes me sad.

I don’t know what changes I would make to it, other than getting rid of the scammers and spambots. I think that Craigslist, Inc. do a great job of providing the service they intend to provide. It’s a shame that there have been so many negative things happening recently (“Craigslist killer”, etc.), but I think that comes with the territory and popularity of the service.

Do you have trouble getting enough submissions? Do you still trawl for listings yourself? Why do you think your site is so popular? What about it do you think has made it successful?

As the blog’s become more popular, I get lots of submissions, which I really appreciate (and need, so don’t stop!). The more submissions I get, the more I can pick the best/worst of them. Things almost seem cyclic — there will be periods where nothing coming in will hit me quite right, and I’ll start getting worried, and then there will be a run of some really good ones and I’ll be rushing to get them up on the site.

The site started because last summer I was checking Craigslist regularly for furniture in my local area, and I came across SO many poorly written listings that I started collecting them on a personal blog aimed at my friends. I realized it was a potential blog, found out that nobody else was doing it, and started it. I had to look for listings for the posts towards the beginning; some are from my local area, and I would branch out to major metropolitan areas to find other posts.

I don’t have to look for listings that much anymore, although sometimes I’ll search for ones to accompany other ads. For example, the post with the multiple misspellings of the foosball table started because someone had sent me two or three links to ads in their local area, and I decided to see what other misspellings I could find out there. Ditto for the “ottoman” posts and the “papasan chair” posts. I do search for “French Prudential” or “Prevential” furniture listings occasionally, as that’s one of the running gags of the site.

I think part of why it’s popular has to do with schadenfreude; I think it’s the same kind of thing that makes FailBlog or FMyLife popular, or even television shows like Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. I think we take a little bit of pleasure in the misfortune of others. Also, I think a lot of people have experienced reading Craigslist ads that are subpar, so it’s a sort of cultural touchstone at the moment.

I try to avoid posts that are TRULY unfortunate. There are so many desperate people right now, and I find no joy in making fun of people who are actually in trouble in their lives, because that’s not a situation that can be laughed at.

There was a recent post that caused a bit of controversy, and one of the things I realized as that post ran its course is that my intent for the site is to mock actions, not people. I also realized that I haven’t always been true to that intent, probably because it wasn’t necessarily a conscious realization on my part. As I said on that post, there’s a difference between saying, “Hey, this person did/said a stupid thing,” and “Hey, this person is stupid.” I really try to aim for the former, and that might be a reason that the site resonates with people; it’s snarky, but not mean. I think.

I also think the site is successful to the degree it is in large part because of the regular commenters. I’m routinely amazed at how smart, funny, and clever some of the regular commenters are. I can’t count the number of times I’ve found a link to the blog that says, “This post is funny, but be sure you read the comments.” Sometimes I feel like I’m just playing the straight man on the site, setting up the jokes so the commenters can knock them out of the proverbial park.

What’s with the sammich obsession? More importantly, what’s your favorite sammich filling?

Hah! I belong(ed) to a forum community where that was a private joke, and it sort of accidentally came out here, since the blog started as a friends thing. I think it’s good advice, though! Who doesn’t love a good sammich?

Favorite sammich filling? Duh. Bacon. With extra bacon.

Here’s an obvious one – among the craigslist postings you’ve featured, which is your personal favorite, and why?

I was afraid you were going to ask me this. It’s like a Sophie’s Choice! Do I really have to pick just one? One thing I’ve noticed is that the posts I think are hilarious usually aren’t the ones that others latch onto!

Okay, here’s just a couple favorites:

YSaC, Vol. III — this is the post that made me decide to start the blog in the first place. This one was local-ish to me, and since I was checking Craigslist every day I was able to see this ad come up each day with the changes, each more ridiculous than the last.

YSaC, Vol. 321: Meta-hilarity ensues: I love this one because it required two different levels of sucking at Craigslist to occur.

YSaC, Vol. 333 and the recent video update: I thought this one was pretty funny when it first appeared as Vol. 333, but then someone took the ad and made it into a video. I’m stunned that I’m inspiring people to make their own creative works.

In general, my favorite posts are the ones that took some work, or some sleuthing, or some time & effort on either my part or the part of the submitter. (I also like the one recently about the guy who continuously posts in Missed Connections, because it shows a pattern of behavior that makes it all the more mockworthy/creepy.)

What are your future hopes/plans for the blog? Anything else you’d like to add or mention in closing?

My hopes are that I can keep it going! It’s time consuming, and I spend more time on the site than I should. As far as plans go … as much as I hate to admit it, I’m trying to figure out a way to make a little money from the site. I’ve just added a “Donation” button, and I’m looking into ways to incorporate ads into the site without it being obnoxious and intrusive. I’m also trying to come up with some t-shirt designs and some fun things. I’m a complete novice at all of this, though, and so I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s not like this was some grand business plan; it was a hobby that somehow or another became kind of popular, and I’m routinely amazed that anyone reads it in the first place.

And now for my Oscar speech: I’d like to thank everyone that has ever submitted anything, even if I didn’t use it — the entire blog depends upon people submitting ads they’ve found, so that is the most important thing. I wish I could take the time to reply to each person who submits something, but if I did I’d never get anything done. And again, a huge thank you to the regular readers and commenters; the site wouldn’t be what it is without them.

Keep reading, and keep submitting! Thanks!

Founder of online dating consulting service E-Cyrano and author of several popular books on online dating, Evan Marc Katz has established himself as America’s leading dating expert. I first encountered him some months ago through his retardedly popular blog, and found his no-nonsense, no victims, pragmatic and realistic approach to people’s dating problems immensely attractive. I was thrilled when he agreed to do an interview with us – the online equivalent of running a school newspaper and having the President agree to drop by and answer a few questions.

Hey Evan, thanks for taking the time to do this interview. I know you’re insanely busy and have a huge backlog after your recent vacation. We sincerely appreciate you making time for us.

I’m guessing it might have seemed slightly odd to you that someone running an “adult dating” blog would request an interview, but honestly, before I sent you an email I sat down and pondered awhile. What I realized was that most people don’t stay on the casual scene forever. Most of them, eventually, decide for whatever reason that what they really want is what you help people to get. So I think having our audience exposed to your voice here is valuable and worthwhile.

One thing I really like about the advice you give is that it’s unfailingly pragmatic and realistic, sometimes brutally so. Here’s a quote from one of your recent blog entries to illustrate: “. . . the people who do best in the world we live in . . . are not the ones who try to rewrite the rules of society, but rather, figure out how to navigate them successfully.” Now, I know from following the comments on your blog that sometimes people get quite worked up by your candid analysis of situations and relationships. Why do you think that is?

I just read somewhere that people will do anything to preserve their worldview. It doesn’t matter if that world view is effective or empowering or whether it’s negative and hurtful – we will try our hardest to justify what we already believe. If a woman’s worldview is that men are scum, she can certainly find enough evidence to support it. The problem is that she will never find love with that belief system.

So even though I write a dating and relationship advice column, I almost feel like I rarely offer my opinion. All I do is attempt to find a solution for what’s not working – whether or not it supports what I believe. Which is why it’s pretty useless to argue with me, because I’m rarely expressing my own point of view – I’m just pointing out how the world works. Men can be pigs. Women can be emotional. What are we going to do in spite of these realities, instead of pointing the finger and telling men to stop being pigs and women to stop being emotional?

And, almost invariably, that means that WE have to change. We have to accept the flaws in the opposite sex, in Match.com, in our others’ pickiness, hypocrisies and commitmentphobia. Shouting that the world isn’t fair doesn’t suddenly make the world fair – which is why my advice almost always points the finger at the person asking the original question.

Seeing as I know you’re old enough to remember the World Without Internets, just wondering if you agree with the statement “ The Internet has revolutionized classified personals ads,” and if so, how do you think it has?

This is taken directly from my answer to Honey and Lance in an interview:

Online dating has leveled the playing field for men and given them a great deal more power than they’ve ever had before. This is a classic double-edged sword. The good news is that men who aren’t comfortable in the pick-up scene have a greater opportunity to succeed, as do older, divorced people who aren’t as likely to be hitting on strangers at bars. The bad news is that the perception of unlimited choice has enabled us to think that the grass is always greener. Online, there’s always someone younger, cuter, smarter, richer. Yet we ignore the fact that younger, cuter, smarter, richer doesn’t always make for a healthy relationship.

You can’t build anything when you’re always moving – and online dating – for all of its merits, turns both men and women into unintentional players with unrealistic standards.

In terms of the actual work you do: writing, speaking, coaching, and consulting, what’s the most enjoyable for you? How do you feel you’re doing at balancing the different roles and responsibilities?

Speaking lights me up more than anything, because you can see the immediate impact you’re having. You can see nodding heads and smiling faces. You can get a roar of laughter. You get to shake hands afterwards and connect and hear people’s stories and their takeaways. I never feel like I reach more people than when I’ve got a microphone in my hand.

However, my day-to-day is far more consumed by private dating coaching, and there is an immense satisfaction in watching the personal growth of individuals who put their trust in me. To see self-awareness and confidence blossom, week after week, until my clients find themselves in happy relationships, well, that’s priceless. I love the closeness and vulnerability of getting to know people intimately though our coaching sessions.

And yet, I undoubtedly reach more people with every blog and newsletter I send out. I just don’t get the satisfaction of making a personal connection. If I had my way, I’d do a lot more live events and group coaching, for the best of both worlds.

Have you ever had cause to regret any advice you’ve given anyone? Are there any things in general that you used to tell people that you feel foolish about now?

Undoubtedly, although I’m not the type to wallow in regret. But logically, I’m a very different person than I was when I wrote my first book at age 31 and I’d never had a relationship over seven months. Now, I’m 37 and married, and have learned an immense amount from my dating coaching experiences. The purest record of my advice can be seen in “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book” and “Why You’re Still Single”, and while I wouldn’t retract most of the material, it all seems a little bit immature. I’m much prouder of my Finding the One Online CD Series, for example, than I am of my first book – although my first book was much funnier.

If you’re looking for one thing that I know I’d take back, it’s telling people to respond to a detail in another person’s online dating profile. It’s not that the advice is bad – it’s that it’s half-baked. Most people say things like “You like skiing? I like skiing, too! Let’s go on a date…”, which is a pretty crappy pick-up line. I give much more specific guidance on how to communicate powerfully in Finding the One Online.

Congratulations on your recent marriage. Has married life surprised you? Do you have any advice for married couples you’d like to share?

After eight months, I’m no expert in marriage, and don’t expect to be dispensing marriage advice for a good, long while. What I can say is that getting married was easy – moving in together after the wedding was a bit scary, however. My wife and I both work from home, so it took a few months for me to feel truly comfortable having someone around all the time. But every day, I feel more and more validated in my decision to get married. Perhaps it’s because I’m a dating coach and hear so many negative stories, but I’m extremely appreciative at how patient and understanding my wife is with me. She sets the tone for how to be a great partner – all I have to do is follow her example.

And finally: what are your future hopes/plans for your businesses? Anything else you’d like to add or mention in closing? Thoughts, comments, projects or events you’d like to plug? The floor is yours.

Private coaching is still the best part of my job. If you struggle with the opposite sex, there’s no better way to learn than to make love a priority in your life. I only work with a limited number of highly-motivated clients, so if you’re interested, just go to http://www.evanmarckatz.com/dating-coaching/ and fill out a short application.

If dating coaching is out of your price range, you can get all the benefits of 7 weeks of coaching with my 7 CD series, Finding the One Online: http://www.findingtheoneonline.com/.

And if you’re just looking for a new way of attracting more high quality people online, my profile writing company, E-Cyrano.com, is having a sale – 33% off regular prices: http://www.e-cyrano.com

Finally, if you just want to stay in touch and read some amazing free advice, sign up to get my special report, The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Definitely Making in Dating and How to Turn Them Around Instantly. http://www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html

Otherwise, I just want to thank you for inviting me to talk today, and thank your readers for their interest in improving their love lives. I’m very lucky to get to do this for a living and I bring that appreciation to every single coaching session.

Best wishes and many thanks.

I’ve been following the Honey and Lance blog for some months now and have found it not only an intriguing concept, but, perhaps counter intuitively, a successful one. Briefly, “Honey and Lance” are pseudonyms for the authors, a man and a woman who used to date years ago, but who now lead separate lives, while remaining friends. The topics the blog covers range from everything to anything, but there’s a soft focus on dating and relationships, with a lot of material drawn from the authors’ personal lives. Both Honey and Lance are sharp cookies, and while they often disagree, whatever advice they’re dispensing is usually at least worth listening to.

I sent them email asking for interviews, and to my delight they both agreed. Honey’s up first:

First off, Congratulations on your recent PhD, Honey. Well, DOCTOR Honey I guess, now. What attracted you to Composition and Rhetoric? What do you enjoy about it now?

I always knew I wanted to be an English major, but I also knew I didn’t want to be a Lit major. My BA and MA are in creative writing, and I worked in a writing center during that time. I loved my job and learned that my boss had a PhD in Composition and Rhetoric, so it was off to the races! While my current day job isn’t as a professor, I am working in administration/student services at a large university. I got coursework and hands-on experience in administration in grad school, so I felt very prepared for my current role, and honestly, it’s nice to not have to grade papers every night! I get to work with department heads and deans, and since everything’s “rhetoric” to me now anyway, I feel like it was a great degree to get. You can analyze and talk about pretty much anything with that background. Including relationships!

What inspired you and Lance to start the blog? What do you think has made it successful? What future plans do you have for it?

After I forgave Lance for being a jackass when we broke up, we were great e-mail buddies and sent each other super long and analytical e-mails about dating and relationships, so we decided to put it up in a public forum. I love the community we have of other bloggers – everyone has an interesting and slightly different perspective. It is definitely a process – we have been at it over a year and a half now, just building content and community. But since I moved to Phoenix to be with the BF, I don’t have a lot of friends in-town and this blog was really helpful from a sanity standpoint. I think one of the unique things about it is that we have the guy-girl perspective (and we don’t agree on quite a lot!) from two people who used to date, and therefore know each other well, but who don’t date anymore for a variety of reasons. I haven’t seen other blogs out there with exactly that approach. Long-term, we would like to find a way to make some money off of it (who wouldn’t?) both so that we can afford to devote more time to it and so we can provide more services to our readers. Not sure yet what form that will take or what timeline we’d be working with.

You’re often pretty, uh, explicit on honeyandlance.com with regard to your sexual relationship with your partner. I’m just wondering how he feels about that? Do many of the important people in your real life know about your blog and read it? What sort of reactions do you get?

Well, the BF knows what I blog about, but it’s a big help that he doesn’t read it – both because I think he would get embarrassed even though I use a pseudonym and because then I can use the space to vent sometimes when he’s a jerk and I really only want validation for my feelings at the time. In the beginning, I ran things by him before posting quite often, but he never cared so now I just post what I want. I do tell him when I post about how great he is because it makes him feel good! I can count on two hands the number of people who know that I have a blog under a pseudonym, and I can probably only count on one hand the ones who know the URL of the site. And I don’t think any of them actually read it. Which is fine with me! I have a family-and-friends-friendly blog under my real name to catch people up on the real news in my life and spare them my sexcapades.

I see that you and your boyfriend are anti-breeding (snap!)— curious to hear what you think about a theory a female friend of mine shared with me recently: “It seems likely that the ‘estrogen kicking in’ thing is a myth. My Mom’s generation was always told that it would kick in at 25 (“nearly too late” back then) and then it got pushed to 30, and now people say 35. I think it is the power of suggestion.”

I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised, not in the sense of being raised well or poorly, but of how much you were around kids. My sister is close to my age, I was never a baby-sitter, I’ve never changed a diaper, been alone with a child under 5, etc. I just think some people are into it and some people aren’t, and the number of people who “kick in” (i.e. go from feeling very strongly one way to very strongly the other way) are very, very rare. I think there are TONS of people who *say* they “kicked in” or even that they always wanted kids and really they’re faking it because they want to seem normal. I also think there are TONS of people who say their kids are the best thing that happened to them and they’re lying because, well, the truth would be received very, very poorly in our society. The BF and I are both very headstrong, very cerebral, and I don’t think that we’d do well with a child. The older I get the more I object to childbearing from an ethical standpoint. Also, we’re each at risk for some nasty genetic things that we wouldn’t feel right passing on (even if we don’t suffer from them ourselves). If I ever did feel differently, I’d want to adopt a Chinese baby (Asian baby mohawk! So cute!) but the BF is opposed to adoption for a variety of reasons, and since I think I feel more strongly than he does about not wanting one at all, it’s kind of a moot point.

What makes you laugh?

The LOLCats on Icanhascheezburger.com, the BF (he really enjoys puns so we are always trying to come up with really good ones to see if the other person notices), really really good dialogue and obscure literary or historical references in tv shows (I laugh every time I watch the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Principal Snyder calls Xander an “airborne toxic event” because I think, how many other people who watch this show have read White Noise by Don Delillo?). I used to hate comedies but somehow I grew into them. I like movies like Superbad and Away We Go. I also laugh at our animals pretty regularly. I totally get why they make you live longer – our big cat terrorizes our tiny dog, and it makes me laugh because I can totally see how much PLANNING the cat puts into it. I mean, he really thinks about how he can scare her! The dog is also just pretty hysterical (as I think most dogs probably are) because she has NO DIGNITY. She ran face-first into our hearth the other day because she was trying to look back at me over her shoulder and run in front of me at the same time. It was awesome.

Anything else you’d like to add or share with our readers? Any upcoming projects you’d like to plug? Thoughts, comments?

We’ve always got new ideas cooking but welcome feedback, suggestions, and relationship questions from our readers. On a personal note, the BF and I talk about marriage all the time though we can’t afford a ring or a wedding at the moment. He’s pretty invested in it being a surprise, though, so it should be a shocker to our readers as well! I think it’ll be interesting once that happens because from what I hear the stress will make for some interesting stories. Relationships are work, though with the right person they’re worth it – I often feel like my relationship is really tidal. We have some ooshy-gooshy “I wuv you, snuggle bum” times and some “OMG I’m so pissed I could scream” times, but most of the time we have a really solid partnership because we communicated our needs so explicity when we first met. It’s really, really important to know what you want!

Unless you’ve really been living under an e-rock you’ll have heard of I bang the worst dudes (Sorry, Mom); a popular forum for remorseful women to bewail their horrendous hookup decisions and post unflattering and only partially-obscured photos of their lamentable lays, accompanied by cringe-inducing (if frequently hilarious) justifications for their lapses of judgment. I check it out most days, but realized recently that I know next to nothing about the mysterious author of the site, an enigmatic individual known only to her supplicants as “Mom”.

In hope of satisfying my own curiosity, I conducted the following interview. Alas, Mom turned out to be a more elusive quarry than I feared, though a more engaging and jocular one, too…

Hi Mom. I was going to start by saying that I read and comment on your blog nearly every day, and yet I know next to nothing about you as a person other than that you live in NY. Are there any details of your life and history outside your website that you feel comfortable sharing? Do you think it helps or hurts your blog that you don’t reveal much about yourself to your readers?

That and what is included in my about page is about all I’ll divulge comfortably. Most people where I live know who I am at this point, and I’ve had to face the obstacle of trying to date guys when they know I run the site – I think they imagine I have banged a lot more of the worst dudes in question than I really have, so it makes for some pretty awkward conversations pretty early on, but if I wasn’t comfortable with my history I guess I would’ve never started the site in the first place. I think it helps to have “mom” as this sort of non-specific person behind the curtain. Or so I’d like to think.

I notice that there are a quite a few entries where the dude in question is a member of a well-known band—do you know why that is? Are there a lot of groupies out there who are secretly sorry-mom.com minions?

It’s because band dudes are fucking scummers, duh! And I know a lot of people who work in the music industry, so the site made the rounds in that milieu pretty quickly.

Do you have much trouble getting submissions? Why do you think your site is so popular? What about it do you think has made it successful?

The submissions have really slowed down lately because I think some of the initial excitement of the site has passed, but I think the site is popular because people love reading about other people’s misery. It’s the whole car accident/onlooker effect – you don’t want to read but you can’t help yourself.

Your bio says the following: “Mom loves bearded men, Texas, bad tattoos, beanies year-round, cheap champagne, cross stitching and crystal clusters.” Is that just a joke reference to the kind of guys that seem to dominate your site, or are some (all?) of them FOR REALS?

Well I had a pretty well-known beard/flannel/beanie fetish for a loooong time and the rest is all true, god damnit! I wouldn’t lie to you, baby.

Any favorite or particularly memorable posts?

Oh god, I put some together for a book proposal once. I love the gruesome pee/poop/vom stories because I am 8 yrs old, mentally and the ones where the girls really put forth efforts to be funny/witty. The diaper one was pretty awesome, way early on. And I like my posts, of course, but I will never tell which ones are mine.

What are your future hopes/plans for the blog? Anything else you’d like to add or mention in closing?

I had two book offers that fell through (because of the pictures issue, umph) so I’m supposed to get started on a novel/short story format for the stories that started the site. We’ll see if it ever actually happens though. Anything else? Be careful out there kiddies!

I think–and I might be lying–that I first came across Monica’s humor blog after reading a comment she’d left here. However I ended up  on her site, I soon found myself  impressed by the technical quality of her writing and the fact that she’s freaking hysterical, so decided  to start commenting on her blog semi-regularly.  When I came up with the idea of doing an interview series it didn’t take long for me to realize that she’d be a great candidate for inclusion. One mildly astonishing positive response to my email later and we had this. Enjoy!

I can see you have a lot of irons in the fire. Your online bio would indicate that you’re something of a Renaissance woman, with work activities encompassing writing, acting, public speaking, and social media consultancy. What’s your preferred kind or kinds of work? What are you happiest doing? What would your dream role or project look like?

I like the spin you put on my life. Others might call me scattered – but I’ll happily go with your assessment. It’s hard to determine what I like best, because I enjoy all these things for different reasons. I love the speaking because it’s fun to teach people about the internet – something I am tremendously passionate about. And I think it’s a good place to inject humor. (One of my favorite teachers, is also a tremendously funny guy – with a dry wit and the same sense of frustration about how things “ought” to be.) I think it’s easier to learn – and absorb – when things are fun.

Coming up with ideas, researching and marketing in creative ways, is something my work in social media allows – so I get to feel smart. I certainly enjoy acting but I didn’t enjoy the lack of control that went with pursuing that as a career. That said, I do some YouTube stuff, and perhaps an independent project will come along that I can fit into.

I guess a dream project would involve something creative where I could participate in a number of things – including act/write/promote online – and work with a great team.

The fact that you work in a number of different roles and cross-media must mean you’ve learned a lot about how different industries work. What advice would you give to people who want to make a living writing? Acting? Public speaking?

I do think that’s true – I am able to see elements from different angles. In terms of advice: I think you need to take responsibility in terms of marketing yourself. Find unique (but non-deranged ) ways of promoting your work and establish yourself as a brand, so that there is more potential of people knowing who you are by what you’ve done. Network online and in real life, even if by nature you aren’t “that type”. Like everything, it gets easier the more you do it – and you find ways of meeting the right kind of people for you. By doing that, you establish yourself, and feel less like your in a supplicating for a job and in greater control of your path.

Given that I never made a living acting, asking my advice on that is akin to asking a convicted felon how to stay out prison. That said, I offer the following: Have a very, very strong idea of who you are. It may not always help get you roles, but it will keep you more sane. Also, I am convinced that the internet can help you market yourself – but again that comes with really understanding who you are – not who you want to be or who others peg you as.

I particularly enjoy reading your humor blog at yourdoseoflunacy.com. I’m constantly surprised at the stuff you turn up there, and usually long before I’ve seen it anywhere else. What prompted you to start the blog up? What are your strategies for finding fresh material? What plans do you have for the blog in the future?

Thank you so much! I really love writing it. I actually started the blog because I had made the decision to go into technology in some capacity and I understood that having a blog was essential. I had no idea what I would write about. I had a few stories about my (many) wacky encounters and figured I’d write about those and perhaps a few other things (rants etc.) Soon enough, I realized that weirdness could actually be the theme.

I started another blog for the business stuff and focused the initial one on oddities in general – sometimes my experiences, but most often about strange items I come across on the net. I don’t have any specific plans for the blog itself – for now, I’ll be continuing, overall, with what I’ve been doing. (See next answer)

As for how I find these things, I’m not always sure. I am brutally unobservant when it comes to details about most everything – I would make the worst witness. The other 8 witnesses would say “The getaway car was a silver Honda with a white midget driver in a red cape and I’d be the one stamping my hand on the table positive it was a Blue Jeep with a sumo wrestler wearing a tux. On the other hand, I have a strange ability to notice the weird things and I tend to read everything from the instructions on canned products to minor details on advertisements. I happen to find many other items by accident, by researching another topic. It’s amazing how much oddness you can turn up when you spend a large part of your life lurking on the internet.

Do you have any upcoming or ongoing projects you’d like to take this opportunity to discuss/share?

Great timing on that question! I recently read some excellent memoir-type books – A.J. Jacob’s “The Know it All” and David Sederis’ Me Talk Pretty One Day – and, in a moment of extreme arrogance, I got to thinking “You know, I have funny stories too… ” So I’m working on an E-book now. I’m not sure what form it will take, but it’s an exciting project.

On a semi-personal note: I was reading your resume and OH MY GOD you were really in Underworld: Evolution—you played the newsreader, right? That’s one of my favorite films. What can you tell us about that experience?

That’s hilarious! Yes, I was the Hungarian newsreader. The experience was great – albeit it nerve-racking. I was terribly nervous since my mainstream acting jobs were few and far between and I’m a perfectionist. One of the funny things was getting my makeup done for the role. The makeup gals immediately assumed I was playing a vampire (I’m a pale girl) and when they realized I wasn’t, I think they spent considerable time trying to make me look less like the undead.

I waited in my trailer to be called, trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t screw up. When they brought me onset, the assistant director told me that Len (Wiseman, the director) would come right down. I guess I had gotten used to directors being somewhat older and maybe director-looking (I think a beard used to be de riguer). Instead, when he came down, it was all I could do shake his hand not say “Uh… uh… Wow…” Simply put, he’s gorgeous. Intimidatingly so.

Luckily, everyone on set was really supportive. For those who haven’t seen the film, one of the characters watches me on tv and then throws up violently. Everyone’s a critic.

Anything you’d like to say in closing? Shout outs? Parting thoughts?

Shout outs:

1) Just want to thank the hilarious people who read my blog – and often make me laugh with their responses.
2) And big thanks to my amazing boyfriend, loving friends and the wonderfulness of the Vancouver social media community. I am forever grateful for how quickly they welcomed me into the community and how incredibly supportive they’ve been.