You may have read about this triumph of technology over here.

Sellers in Germany bill the dissolving “Get Naked” costume as a chance for men to get their own back after a break-up. Women’s rights campaigners take a different view… here’s a link to the original video showing the bikini being tested (as it seems to keep disappearing from everywhere else…)

God bless Belgium and their selfless pursuit of scientific knowledge. Enjoy!

Fairly self-explanatory…

1. Research confirms men not as picky about sex partners as women (no shit.)
2. Do single women seek out attached men?
3. The Count: censored.
4. Less sex, more TV for India.
5. Sexist computer is sexist.
6. Tell me this isn’t what it looks like.
7. Kelly Clarkson sort-of fail.
8. Gruesome rock’n'roll legends investigated.
9. Tough times in the porn industry–Savannah Stern driving a used car!
10. Prostitution: a users’ manual.

Found this craigslist post a little while ago. Freaking HYSTERICAL. Enjoy.

Dear Men of Craigslist,

Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do.

But please, please just fuck me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, FUCK ME. We’ve done dinner and drinks. We’ve gone dancing. We’ve cuddled and watched a movie. I’m wearing a low cut shirt and you’ve been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and fuck me.

When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please fuck me. Trust me, I’m not going to just lie still – I’ll get involved. But don’t make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We’ve been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That’s nice, but it’s time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don’t make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your cock like I’m practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won’t go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don’t gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It’s not what WE want.

OK, I know it’s scary. There are lots of women out there who make fucking really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don’t think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to fuck like men:

1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like “I’m sorry – you just look so fucking delicious. I’ll go slower.” Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you’re both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it’s not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU’RE the man. Act like one.

2. Ohmyfuckinggod, please learn to respect the clit. It’s different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her pussy like you’re trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her pussy. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don’t know what to do, ask her. Just ask. “How do you like it?”. It’s a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she’s being all coy, ask “Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?” The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked.

3. Most women like to be fucked, and fucked well. Yes, there are women out there who want to “make love” every time – sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it’s not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your cock around her vagina like you’re mixing a cake batter up there. It’s because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and fuck her harder. Don’t be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes – I am a raging feminist bitch, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on fucking my throat from the inside out.

4. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her (“Really? Spanking? Won’t it hurt?” – yes, it does. That’s the fucking point). We know you’ve read Stuff and Maxim, and that’s all those laddie mags talk about in their “How to Please Her” sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there. You don’t have to bend her over one knee and tell her she’s a naughty girl and that Daddy’s going to punish her; save that for the fifth date. Women are less delicate than you think, so don’t worry about breaking her hip.

5. It’s OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are fucking a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you’re banging a woman, and she’s crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can’t even manage a grunt, she’s going to feel like an idiot. You don’t have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes “Ah!”, half grunt, half yell? That’s HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you’re in missionary position. You don’t have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she’s going to get worried.

6. Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you’d like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you fuck her. If she responds well, continue with something like, “I love fucking you. God, you look so fucking hot.” Is she still moaning in response? “Your tits are so beautiful.” Does that work? If she doesn’t respond well to the term “tits”, you might have to stop there. If she keep moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200. Try the following:

“Oh, god. Your pussy is SO tight.”
“You’re so wet – are you wet because you like the feel of my cock ramming you?”
“I think I’m going to come inside you. I’m going to fill up your little cunt.” It doesn’t matter that you’re wearing a condom; we LOVE hearing this.

If all of those work, you can then progress to things like “sexy little bitch” and “dirty whore”. Tread carefully, but please, tread. Do not tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge.

7. You’re not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she’s not obligated to choke on your dick. Don’t skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her pussy is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush – you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.

8. Do not bitch about condoms. Oh, we hate them. Trust us. They hurt us more than they hurt you. But we don’t want to be preggers, and you don’t want to catch anything, right? Don’t whine about condom sex. Do not explain that you can’t come with one on. LEARN to come with one on, or if not, help us figure out what to do with you once we’re satisfied and it’s time for you to let loose your load.

9. We really like it when you come. It’s called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don’t assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there’s no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. “I think I’m going to come – how do you like it?” is a fair question that shouldn’t rob you of your testicles.

In recent memory, I’ve been fucked by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I’ve been… well, fucked is the wrong term here. I’ve been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I’m ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that’s who.

—————————————————-

*New point of clarification – some people have brought up some really great issues in response to this post, so let me say this: I don’t mean to imply that all women like to be treated like whores. I do mean to say that most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them. Rough does NOT equal chains and bondage. And this applies to the bedroom only, and does not mean that she wants you to choose her dinner for her, or treat her like less of a person.

**Some women have said that they don’t like it rough and what the hell am I thinking? Well, girls, you’re in the minority. HOWEVER, all women need to remember that, in addition to be straight forward about your sexual desires, you need to be straight forward about your sexual limits. Don’t be afraid to ask for more, but when something feels wrong, say so. Don’t ever do something you don’t want to do in silence and then blame the guy. Silence is dangerous.

1. Interviews with real male escorts.
2. Sex for Lucifer.
3. A sex guide for ultrareligious douchebags.
4. Women prefer beer-guzzling, overweight “real” men. (Dubious.)
5. Cat cleared of illegal porn charges.
6. Cuba runs out of toilet paper.
7. Obese prison inmate conceals gun in folds of flab.
8. Heroic Greek woman sets fire to Briton’s genitals.
9. Old school strip cartoonists draw on the bathing suits of comely young models.
10. 25 things to do on the Internet before you die.

I discovered the You Suck at Craigslist blog about six months ago, and have been reading and commenting on it pretty frequently since. The premise is fairly simple–find awful, painful (for whatever reason) Craigslist postings and hold them up to public scorn and ridicule. Like all successful blogs that have been based on similar ideas, the author’s commentary and the comments left by its regular readers are what really make it. As was the case with Mom’s blog, I knew next to nothing about YSaC‘s author (drmk), to the extent that I even weirdly assumed (apropos of I-don’t-know-what) that she was a he.

Fortunately, she let my embarrassing faux pas slide with good grace and agreed to do an interview. Read on!

Hey there, mysterious “You Suck At Craigslist” guy. I read and comment on your blog nearly every day, and yet I know next to nothing about you as a person. Are you involved with humor writing in the wider world? Are there any details of your life and history outside the website that you feel comfortable sharing? Do you think it helps or hurts your blog that you don’t reveal much about yourself to your readers?

The first thing I think I’d like people to know about me is that I’m female, not male. For some reason everyone assumes there’s a guy behind YSaC; I’m not sure why that is! (I’m not offended by it — I just think it’s interesting.)

I’ve shared little bits in the comments about myself, but I’m pretty careful about what I say. The reason is that I teach at a university, and since this is ‘extracurricular’ work I’m not sure I want the whole world (and especially my tenure committee!) knowing I’m behind it. Part of what I’m expected to do for my job is writing and research — the “publish or perish” model — and I don’t want the committee to look at this site and think, “Well, she had enough time to do THIS, why didn’t she publish more articles?”

I’ve mentioned my husband, Dan, on the site; he’s helped me brainstorm commentary for posts in the past, and he recently offered to write some as well. I’m hoping he’ll keep doing so, as it’s time-consuming and my day job keeps me busy.

I hadn’t thought about it, but it probably hurts the blog that I don’t reveal much about myself — it probably makes it harder for people to relate to me as a person. It’s just what I’m comfortable with right now, though, and what I think is best for my real career.

If you were magically to be made CEO of craigslist, what changes would you make to it, and why?

Mandatory spellcheck and electric shocks via built-in cattle prods.

Ack, that’s actually a really good question. I’m fortunate enough to remember Craigslist back when you had to chisel your ads on stone tablets in San Francisco. Back then, Craigslist was a small and select group of people — basically, if someone had heard of Craigslist, they were someone you could trust. Now it’s full of scams and spambots, and that makes me sad.

I don’t know what changes I would make to it, other than getting rid of the scammers and spambots. I think that Craigslist, Inc. do a great job of providing the service they intend to provide. It’s a shame that there have been so many negative things happening recently (“Craigslist killer”, etc.), but I think that comes with the territory and popularity of the service.

Do you have trouble getting enough submissions? Do you still trawl for listings yourself? Why do you think your site is so popular? What about it do you think has made it successful?

As the blog’s become more popular, I get lots of submissions, which I really appreciate (and need, so don’t stop!). The more submissions I get, the more I can pick the best/worst of them. Things almost seem cyclic — there will be periods where nothing coming in will hit me quite right, and I’ll start getting worried, and then there will be a run of some really good ones and I’ll be rushing to get them up on the site.

The site started because last summer I was checking Craigslist regularly for furniture in my local area, and I came across SO many poorly written listings that I started collecting them on a personal blog aimed at my friends. I realized it was a potential blog, found out that nobody else was doing it, and started it. I had to look for listings for the posts towards the beginning; some are from my local area, and I would branch out to major metropolitan areas to find other posts.

I don’t have to look for listings that much anymore, although sometimes I’ll search for ones to accompany other ads. For example, the post with the multiple misspellings of the foosball table started because someone had sent me two or three links to ads in their local area, and I decided to see what other misspellings I could find out there. Ditto for the “ottoman” posts and the “papasan chair” posts. I do search for “French Prudential” or “Prevential” furniture listings occasionally, as that’s one of the running gags of the site.

I think part of why it’s popular has to do with schadenfreude; I think it’s the same kind of thing that makes FailBlog or FMyLife popular, or even television shows like Maury Povich or Jerry Springer. I think we take a little bit of pleasure in the misfortune of others. Also, I think a lot of people have experienced reading Craigslist ads that are subpar, so it’s a sort of cultural touchstone at the moment.

I try to avoid posts that are TRULY unfortunate. There are so many desperate people right now, and I find no joy in making fun of people who are actually in trouble in their lives, because that’s not a situation that can be laughed at.

There was a recent post that caused a bit of controversy, and one of the things I realized as that post ran its course is that my intent for the site is to mock actions, not people. I also realized that I haven’t always been true to that intent, probably because it wasn’t necessarily a conscious realization on my part. As I said on that post, there’s a difference between saying, “Hey, this person did/said a stupid thing,” and “Hey, this person is stupid.” I really try to aim for the former, and that might be a reason that the site resonates with people; it’s snarky, but not mean. I think.

I also think the site is successful to the degree it is in large part because of the regular commenters. I’m routinely amazed at how smart, funny, and clever some of the regular commenters are. I can’t count the number of times I’ve found a link to the blog that says, “This post is funny, but be sure you read the comments.” Sometimes I feel like I’m just playing the straight man on the site, setting up the jokes so the commenters can knock them out of the proverbial park.

What’s with the sammich obsession? More importantly, what’s your favorite sammich filling?

Hah! I belong(ed) to a forum community where that was a private joke, and it sort of accidentally came out here, since the blog started as a friends thing. I think it’s good advice, though! Who doesn’t love a good sammich?

Favorite sammich filling? Duh. Bacon. With extra bacon.

Here’s an obvious one – among the craigslist postings you’ve featured, which is your personal favorite, and why?

I was afraid you were going to ask me this. It’s like a Sophie’s Choice! Do I really have to pick just one? One thing I’ve noticed is that the posts I think are hilarious usually aren’t the ones that others latch onto!

Okay, here’s just a couple favorites:

YSaC, Vol. III — this is the post that made me decide to start the blog in the first place. This one was local-ish to me, and since I was checking Craigslist every day I was able to see this ad come up each day with the changes, each more ridiculous than the last.

YSaC, Vol. 321: Meta-hilarity ensues: I love this one because it required two different levels of sucking at Craigslist to occur.

YSaC, Vol. 333 and the recent video update: I thought this one was pretty funny when it first appeared as Vol. 333, but then someone took the ad and made it into a video. I’m stunned that I’m inspiring people to make their own creative works.

In general, my favorite posts are the ones that took some work, or some sleuthing, or some time & effort on either my part or the part of the submitter. (I also like the one recently about the guy who continuously posts in Missed Connections, because it shows a pattern of behavior that makes it all the more mockworthy/creepy.)

What are your future hopes/plans for the blog? Anything else you’d like to add or mention in closing?

My hopes are that I can keep it going! It’s time consuming, and I spend more time on the site than I should. As far as plans go … as much as I hate to admit it, I’m trying to figure out a way to make a little money from the site. I’ve just added a “Donation” button, and I’m looking into ways to incorporate ads into the site without it being obnoxious and intrusive. I’m also trying to come up with some t-shirt designs and some fun things. I’m a complete novice at all of this, though, and so I have no idea what I’m doing. It’s not like this was some grand business plan; it was a hobby that somehow or another became kind of popular, and I’m routinely amazed that anyone reads it in the first place.

And now for my Oscar speech: I’d like to thank everyone that has ever submitted anything, even if I didn’t use it — the entire blog depends upon people submitting ads they’ve found, so that is the most important thing. I wish I could take the time to reply to each person who submits something, but if I did I’d never get anything done. And again, a huge thank you to the regular readers and commenters; the site wouldn’t be what it is without them.

Keep reading, and keep submitting! Thanks!

1. Sex lion dies of sex exhaustion.
2. Uganda to outlaw female circumcision.
3. Vintage sex education tape.
4. What women want from porn.
5. Sanity prevails in Canada.
6. Teacher sends students home with homemade porn DVD.
7. Porn outlawed in the Ukraine.. unless it’s “medicinal”.
8. New website names and shames people with STDs.
9. Guess her muff.
10. The French. ‘Nuff said.

Top 10 links for week beginning 07/19/2009

1. Tips for engaging in casual sex.
2. Pasty geek wanted for OH LA LA.
3. “I want my vagina to have call-waiting.”
4. The Japanese: Still Crazy.
5. Most badass tattoo EVAR.
6. Eyes Wide Shut. Apparently a true story.
7. Hot crockery. Thanks, Grandad.
8. The case against post-menopausal in vitro fertilization.
9. Russian brides: before and after “styling”.
10. Busted with a camwhore. O the horror.

I’ve been following the Honey and Lance blog for some months now and have found it not only an intriguing concept, but, perhaps counter intuitively, a successful one. Briefly, “Honey and Lance” are pseudonyms for the authors, a man and a woman who used to date years ago, but who now lead separate lives, while remaining friends. The topics the blog covers range from everything to anything, but there’s a soft focus on dating and relationships, with a lot of material drawn from the authors’ personal lives. Both Honey and Lance are sharp cookies, and while they often disagree, whatever advice they’re dispensing is usually at least worth listening to.

I sent them email asking for interviews, and to my delight they both agreed. Honey’s up first:

First off, Congratulations on your recent PhD, Honey. Well, DOCTOR Honey I guess, now. What attracted you to Composition and Rhetoric? What do you enjoy about it now?

I always knew I wanted to be an English major, but I also knew I didn’t want to be a Lit major. My BA and MA are in creative writing, and I worked in a writing center during that time. I loved my job and learned that my boss had a PhD in Composition and Rhetoric, so it was off to the races! While my current day job isn’t as a professor, I am working in administration/student services at a large university. I got coursework and hands-on experience in administration in grad school, so I felt very prepared for my current role, and honestly, it’s nice to not have to grade papers every night! I get to work with department heads and deans, and since everything’s “rhetoric” to me now anyway, I feel like it was a great degree to get. You can analyze and talk about pretty much anything with that background. Including relationships!

What inspired you and Lance to start the blog? What do you think has made it successful? What future plans do you have for it?

After I forgave Lance for being a jackass when we broke up, we were great e-mail buddies and sent each other super long and analytical e-mails about dating and relationships, so we decided to put it up in a public forum. I love the community we have of other bloggers – everyone has an interesting and slightly different perspective. It is definitely a process – we have been at it over a year and a half now, just building content and community. But since I moved to Phoenix to be with the BF, I don’t have a lot of friends in-town and this blog was really helpful from a sanity standpoint. I think one of the unique things about it is that we have the guy-girl perspective (and we don’t agree on quite a lot!) from two people who used to date, and therefore know each other well, but who don’t date anymore for a variety of reasons. I haven’t seen other blogs out there with exactly that approach. Long-term, we would like to find a way to make some money off of it (who wouldn’t?) both so that we can afford to devote more time to it and so we can provide more services to our readers. Not sure yet what form that will take or what timeline we’d be working with.

You’re often pretty, uh, explicit on honeyandlance.com with regard to your sexual relationship with your partner. I’m just wondering how he feels about that? Do many of the important people in your real life know about your blog and read it? What sort of reactions do you get?

Well, the BF knows what I blog about, but it’s a big help that he doesn’t read it – both because I think he would get embarrassed even though I use a pseudonym and because then I can use the space to vent sometimes when he’s a jerk and I really only want validation for my feelings at the time. In the beginning, I ran things by him before posting quite often, but he never cared so now I just post what I want. I do tell him when I post about how great he is because it makes him feel good! I can count on two hands the number of people who know that I have a blog under a pseudonym, and I can probably only count on one hand the ones who know the URL of the site. And I don’t think any of them actually read it. Which is fine with me! I have a family-and-friends-friendly blog under my real name to catch people up on the real news in my life and spare them my sexcapades.

I see that you and your boyfriend are anti-breeding (snap!)— curious to hear what you think about a theory a female friend of mine shared with me recently: “It seems likely that the ‘estrogen kicking in’ thing is a myth. My Mom’s generation was always told that it would kick in at 25 (“nearly too late” back then) and then it got pushed to 30, and now people say 35. I think it is the power of suggestion.”

I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised, not in the sense of being raised well or poorly, but of how much you were around kids. My sister is close to my age, I was never a baby-sitter, I’ve never changed a diaper, been alone with a child under 5, etc. I just think some people are into it and some people aren’t, and the number of people who “kick in” (i.e. go from feeling very strongly one way to very strongly the other way) are very, very rare. I think there are TONS of people who *say* they “kicked in” or even that they always wanted kids and really they’re faking it because they want to seem normal. I also think there are TONS of people who say their kids are the best thing that happened to them and they’re lying because, well, the truth would be received very, very poorly in our society. The BF and I are both very headstrong, very cerebral, and I don’t think that we’d do well with a child. The older I get the more I object to childbearing from an ethical standpoint. Also, we’re each at risk for some nasty genetic things that we wouldn’t feel right passing on (even if we don’t suffer from them ourselves). If I ever did feel differently, I’d want to adopt a Chinese baby (Asian baby mohawk! So cute!) but the BF is opposed to adoption for a variety of reasons, and since I think I feel more strongly than he does about not wanting one at all, it’s kind of a moot point.

What makes you laugh?

The LOLCats on Icanhascheezburger.com, the BF (he really enjoys puns so we are always trying to come up with really good ones to see if the other person notices), really really good dialogue and obscure literary or historical references in tv shows (I laugh every time I watch the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Principal Snyder calls Xander an “airborne toxic event” because I think, how many other people who watch this show have read White Noise by Don Delillo?). I used to hate comedies but somehow I grew into them. I like movies like Superbad and Away We Go. I also laugh at our animals pretty regularly. I totally get why they make you live longer – our big cat terrorizes our tiny dog, and it makes me laugh because I can totally see how much PLANNING the cat puts into it. I mean, he really thinks about how he can scare her! The dog is also just pretty hysterical (as I think most dogs probably are) because she has NO DIGNITY. She ran face-first into our hearth the other day because she was trying to look back at me over her shoulder and run in front of me at the same time. It was awesome.

Anything else you’d like to add or share with our readers? Any upcoming projects you’d like to plug? Thoughts, comments?

We’ve always got new ideas cooking but welcome feedback, suggestions, and relationship questions from our readers. On a personal note, the BF and I talk about marriage all the time though we can’t afford a ring or a wedding at the moment. He’s pretty invested in it being a surprise, though, so it should be a shocker to our readers as well! I think it’ll be interesting once that happens because from what I hear the stress will make for some interesting stories. Relationships are work, though with the right person they’re worth it – I often feel like my relationship is really tidal. We have some ooshy-gooshy “I wuv you, snuggle bum” times and some “OMG I’m so pissed I could scream” times, but most of the time we have a really solid partnership because we communicated our needs so explicity when we first met. It’s really, really important to know what you want!

Wow, wouldn’t it be awful if this guy was actually insecure with regard to the strength of his publicly-exhibited urinal stream…

Top 10 links for week beginning 07/12/2009

1. How casual sex is like temping [VID]…
2. 5 second one night stand confessions.
3. Porn abandons plot and dialog. The horror.
4. The NHS decides it is in the business of giving bizarre advice to schoolchildren.
5. Regularly eating semen for perceived health benefit. Are they even serious.
6. Advice for pornophobic women.
7. Yoga cures homosexuality. True story.
8. Love is worth £163,424
9. Can’t get funding for your Olympic dreams? Open a brothel.
10. Couple make bad choice about public sexiness.

Unless you’ve really been living under an e-rock you’ll have heard of I bang the worst dudes (Sorry, Mom); a popular forum for remorseful women to bewail their horrendous hookup decisions and post unflattering and only partially-obscured photos of their lamentable lays, accompanied by cringe-inducing (if frequently hilarious) justifications for their lapses of judgment. I check it out most days, but realized recently that I know next to nothing about the mysterious author of the site, an enigmatic individual known only to her supplicants as “Mom”.

In hope of satisfying my own curiosity, I conducted the following interview. Alas, Mom turned out to be a more elusive quarry than I feared, though a more engaging and jocular one, too…

Hi Mom. I was going to start by saying that I read and comment on your blog nearly every day, and yet I know next to nothing about you as a person other than that you live in NY. Are there any details of your life and history outside your website that you feel comfortable sharing? Do you think it helps or hurts your blog that you don’t reveal much about yourself to your readers?

That and what is included in my about page is about all I’ll divulge comfortably. Most people where I live know who I am at this point, and I’ve had to face the obstacle of trying to date guys when they know I run the site – I think they imagine I have banged a lot more of the worst dudes in question than I really have, so it makes for some pretty awkward conversations pretty early on, but if I wasn’t comfortable with my history I guess I would’ve never started the site in the first place. I think it helps to have “mom” as this sort of non-specific person behind the curtain. Or so I’d like to think.

I notice that there are a quite a few entries where the dude in question is a member of a well-known band—do you know why that is? Are there a lot of groupies out there who are secretly sorry-mom.com minions?

It’s because band dudes are fucking scummers, duh! And I know a lot of people who work in the music industry, so the site made the rounds in that milieu pretty quickly.

Do you have much trouble getting submissions? Why do you think your site is so popular? What about it do you think has made it successful?

The submissions have really slowed down lately because I think some of the initial excitement of the site has passed, but I think the site is popular because people love reading about other people’s misery. It’s the whole car accident/onlooker effect – you don’t want to read but you can’t help yourself.

Your bio says the following: “Mom loves bearded men, Texas, bad tattoos, beanies year-round, cheap champagne, cross stitching and crystal clusters.” Is that just a joke reference to the kind of guys that seem to dominate your site, or are some (all?) of them FOR REALS?

Well I had a pretty well-known beard/flannel/beanie fetish for a loooong time and the rest is all true, god damnit! I wouldn’t lie to you, baby.

Any favorite or particularly memorable posts?

Oh god, I put some together for a book proposal once. I love the gruesome pee/poop/vom stories because I am 8 yrs old, mentally and the ones where the girls really put forth efforts to be funny/witty. The diaper one was pretty awesome, way early on. And I like my posts, of course, but I will never tell which ones are mine.

What are your future hopes/plans for the blog? Anything else you’d like to add or mention in closing?

I had two book offers that fell through (because of the pictures issue, umph) so I’m supposed to get started on a novel/short story format for the stories that started the site. We’ll see if it ever actually happens though. Anything else? Be careful out there kiddies!

I think–and I might be lying–that I first came across Monica’s humor blog after reading a comment she’d left here. However I ended up  on her site, I soon found myself  impressed by the technical quality of her writing and the fact that she’s freaking hysterical, so decided  to start commenting on her blog semi-regularly.  When I came up with the idea of doing an interview series it didn’t take long for me to realize that she’d be a great candidate for inclusion. One mildly astonishing positive response to my email later and we had this. Enjoy!

I can see you have a lot of irons in the fire. Your online bio would indicate that you’re something of a Renaissance woman, with work activities encompassing writing, acting, public speaking, and social media consultancy. What’s your preferred kind or kinds of work? What are you happiest doing? What would your dream role or project look like?

I like the spin you put on my life. Others might call me scattered – but I’ll happily go with your assessment. It’s hard to determine what I like best, because I enjoy all these things for different reasons. I love the speaking because it’s fun to teach people about the internet – something I am tremendously passionate about. And I think it’s a good place to inject humor. (One of my favorite teachers, is also a tremendously funny guy – with a dry wit and the same sense of frustration about how things “ought” to be.) I think it’s easier to learn – and absorb – when things are fun.

Coming up with ideas, researching and marketing in creative ways, is something my work in social media allows – so I get to feel smart. I certainly enjoy acting but I didn’t enjoy the lack of control that went with pursuing that as a career. That said, I do some YouTube stuff, and perhaps an independent project will come along that I can fit into.

I guess a dream project would involve something creative where I could participate in a number of things – including act/write/promote online – and work with a great team.

The fact that you work in a number of different roles and cross-media must mean you’ve learned a lot about how different industries work. What advice would you give to people who want to make a living writing? Acting? Public speaking?

I do think that’s true – I am able to see elements from different angles. In terms of advice: I think you need to take responsibility in terms of marketing yourself. Find unique (but non-deranged ) ways of promoting your work and establish yourself as a brand, so that there is more potential of people knowing who you are by what you’ve done. Network online and in real life, even if by nature you aren’t “that type”. Like everything, it gets easier the more you do it – and you find ways of meeting the right kind of people for you. By doing that, you establish yourself, and feel less like your in a supplicating for a job and in greater control of your path.

Given that I never made a living acting, asking my advice on that is akin to asking a convicted felon how to stay out prison. That said, I offer the following: Have a very, very strong idea of who you are. It may not always help get you roles, but it will keep you more sane. Also, I am convinced that the internet can help you market yourself – but again that comes with really understanding who you are – not who you want to be or who others peg you as.

I particularly enjoy reading your humor blog at yourdoseoflunacy.com. I’m constantly surprised at the stuff you turn up there, and usually long before I’ve seen it anywhere else. What prompted you to start the blog up? What are your strategies for finding fresh material? What plans do you have for the blog in the future?

Thank you so much! I really love writing it. I actually started the blog because I had made the decision to go into technology in some capacity and I understood that having a blog was essential. I had no idea what I would write about. I had a few stories about my (many) wacky encounters and figured I’d write about those and perhaps a few other things (rants etc.) Soon enough, I realized that weirdness could actually be the theme.

I started another blog for the business stuff and focused the initial one on oddities in general – sometimes my experiences, but most often about strange items I come across on the net. I don’t have any specific plans for the blog itself – for now, I’ll be continuing, overall, with what I’ve been doing. (See next answer)

As for how I find these things, I’m not always sure. I am brutally unobservant when it comes to details about most everything – I would make the worst witness. The other 8 witnesses would say “The getaway car was a silver Honda with a white midget driver in a red cape and I’d be the one stamping my hand on the table positive it was a Blue Jeep with a sumo wrestler wearing a tux. On the other hand, I have a strange ability to notice the weird things and I tend to read everything from the instructions on canned products to minor details on advertisements. I happen to find many other items by accident, by researching another topic. It’s amazing how much oddness you can turn up when you spend a large part of your life lurking on the internet.

Do you have any upcoming or ongoing projects you’d like to take this opportunity to discuss/share?

Great timing on that question! I recently read some excellent memoir-type books – A.J. Jacob’s “The Know it All” and David Sederis’ Me Talk Pretty One Day – and, in a moment of extreme arrogance, I got to thinking “You know, I have funny stories too… ” So I’m working on an E-book now. I’m not sure what form it will take, but it’s an exciting project.

On a semi-personal note: I was reading your resume and OH MY GOD you were really in Underworld: Evolution—you played the newsreader, right? That’s one of my favorite films. What can you tell us about that experience?

That’s hilarious! Yes, I was the Hungarian newsreader. The experience was great – albeit it nerve-racking. I was terribly nervous since my mainstream acting jobs were few and far between and I’m a perfectionist. One of the funny things was getting my makeup done for the role. The makeup gals immediately assumed I was playing a vampire (I’m a pale girl) and when they realized I wasn’t, I think they spent considerable time trying to make me look less like the undead.

I waited in my trailer to be called, trying to convince myself that I wouldn’t screw up. When they brought me onset, the assistant director told me that Len (Wiseman, the director) would come right down. I guess I had gotten used to directors being somewhat older and maybe director-looking (I think a beard used to be de riguer). Instead, when he came down, it was all I could do shake his hand not say “Uh… uh… Wow…” Simply put, he’s gorgeous. Intimidatingly so.

Luckily, everyone on set was really supportive. For those who haven’t seen the film, one of the characters watches me on tv and then throws up violently. Everyone’s a critic.

Anything you’d like to say in closing? Shout outs? Parting thoughts?

Shout outs:

1) Just want to thank the hilarious people who read my blog – and often make me laugh with their responses.
2) And big thanks to my amazing boyfriend, loving friends and the wonderfulness of the Vancouver social media community. I am forever grateful for how quickly they welcomed me into the community and how incredibly supportive they’ve been.

Oh God. I just found this over at Evan Marc Katz’s blog and it SLEW me. Seriously, I don’t like to bag on the “seduction community” guys, but this is a hilarious satirical send-up of their culture. Enjoy.