Ah, the morning after. Who knows what surprises it might bring? Farm animals? Strap-ons? Used rubbers? A beached whale? Lucky for us, we get to live all these wonderful things vicariously through the guy in this beer ad.
Best of all, we get to do it Godfather style. If you didn’t pick it up, this commercial is a take on a scene from the old movie. In the original, the scene starts out with a slow zoom in on a beautiful Hacienda mansion, where this old guy in nice pajamas wakes up with a bloody horse head in his bed and completely flips out. As a matter of fact, that scene is pretty funny in its own right, albeit unintentionally.
This time, we are in a frat house college party situation. It is actually done pretty well for a short commercial, especially the way they slowly reveal each item under the bed covers. You also have to love the accessories, including a pig, a bong, and a Cartman head on his swimsuit pinup. Mix in the Godfather music and the actor really selling the scream, and we have a winner, folks.
When things like this really happen, there are two types of people. There are those who file these experiences under casual encounters to forget. They keep it secret and never tell their friends. Then there are others, who make the best of it and get a kick out of having a funny story to tell. Which kind of person are you?
Breasts. This blog supports them (pun only half intended) and we think you all need to be better informed with regard to them. In light of this fact, enjoy and rejoice.
“The 50 funniest moments in child pornography.”
“Women over 60 I’ve raped with a meat cleaver.”
“The 5 snappiest remarks I’ve made while videotaping a miscarriage.”
“My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to.”
“The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my ass.”
“Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool.”
“My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl.”
“The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions.”
“Dinners my mother made that tasted worse than the diarrhoea of a cancer patient.”
“The 6 most racist things I’ve yelled out a car window.”
“Women with the worst smelling pussies, in order of ethnicity.”
“Trinkets I own made out of gorilla hands.”
“Fat girls I’ve stood up on New Year’s Eve.”
“The 7 largest objects I’ve ever hidden in my asshole.”
“Women under 30 I’d like to slash with a razor.”
“Freudian slips I’ve had around burn victims.”
“The 10 most barbaric things I’ve done to the foreskin of an immigrant.”
“Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Megan’s Law.”
“The 5 prettiest girlfriends I ever lost by chasing them with doo doo on a stick.”
“Dreams I’ve shattered by driving drunk.”
“Women I’ve seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman.”
“Speech impediments I’ve tolerated during phone sex.”
“Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts.”
“Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings.”
“Important political events I’ve spoiled by loudly defecating in my pants.”
“People I’ve made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives.”
“Black churches I bombed in the south.”
“20 people I hope die of leukemia.”
“The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman.”
“The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl.”
“Celebrity face I’ve painted on my scrotum.”
“Inappropriate times I’ve screamed, “Cunt!” at my grandmother.”
“American League shortstops I want to suck off, in order of batting average.”
“My favorite songs to hum while gay bashing with a hammer claw.”
“The 5 nicest hineys I ever sniffed by accident.”
“Altzeimer patients I’ve bilked out of their life savings by posing as a relative.”
“The 15 dirtiest things I would do with Bob Dole’s right arm.”
“Rectal itch creams I’ve received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness.”
“25 autistics I think are faking it.”
“Best selling poems I’ve written about clitoral circumcision.”
“The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute.”
“Dates I’ve had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it.”
“My 5 most impressive achievements as a N.A.M.B.L.A. member.”
“Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep.”
“10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued.”
“Sexual fantasies I’ve had revolving around pig feces.”
“Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with.”
“Girlfriends who’ve caught me 69ing with their fathers.”
“Parasites I’ve caught nesting in my pubic hair.”
“The 4 most inconvenient times a pigeon has shit in my mouth.”
“The 6 most disgusting Port o Johns I’ve fallen into face first.”
“Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing.”
There are all kinds of fairly subtle pornographic references in old masters’ works–the buttfucking scene (later covered up) in Michelangelo’s Last Judgment springs to mind.
Of course, when painting works commissioned by the Church, such boredom-killing snickersnicker activity had to be kept fairly low-key, though when Renaissance masters got to cut loose in the secular world, well. I guess this post.
Enjoy.
Uhm. What?
I'm thinking proto-Hentai.
Bestiality? Yeah, we can do that.
The birth of lactation porn. You saw it here first.
Fast times on Lesbos...
A veeeery mild introduction to Dyke S&M...
Looks like a pretty run-of-the-mill female sexual fantasy scenario to me...
Continuing with the penis ad theme, I can’t but help feel sorry for this poor unloved penis wandering a graffiti infested public toilet. I hope it’s not giving too much away to say things end happily for all involved.
Looking for discounts on appliances? Well let me introduce you to a bunch of women ripping off their bras and skydiving topless to the dulcet strains of Wagner’s “The Ride of the Valkyries”.
Seriously, buy an appliance. We have some really great deals.
Presumably the idea here is to make sex perfectly safe by creeping you out so much you’ll never want to have sex again? Extra points to the Chinese for their rendition of an “American style” orgasm. Really, for the amount of porn we produce and export to the world we can’t really expect teh_furriners to know any better. I just feel sorry for all the soon-to-be-disappointed immigrants.
