10 tips for picking up a woman in a bar or nightclub

Nightclubs and bars are places conducive to picking up women who tickle your fancy. Part of the reason for that is that they’re places where women expect to be hit on, and so they’re not totally averse to the notion. Add to that the mood, lighting, and hazy glow associated with a little alcohol and you have a situation where you’ve got a better chance of picking up a woman than almost anywhere else. Plus (unless you know the woman is club-hopping) you’re likely to have most of the night available to win your target over. Here are 10 solid tips to help you on your way.

1. Display your interest

Before approaching your target, signal your interest by catching her eye or making an approving glance to gauge her reaction to you. Check out her reaction. Unless it’s overtly negative, keep letting her know from afar that you like what you’re looking at.

2. Lock in on your target

Scan the club and see if anyone catches your eye. If you see more than one woman who might make a good target, give precedence to one who is by herself, or at least with fewer companions. Observe her discreetly for awhile before making a move. You might pick up some information you can use later, either as a conversation starter or to avoid potentially awkward silences.

3. Territorial reconnaissance

Explore the club. Decide on the best location to plant yourself. Don’t put yourself too far away from the action. This could be at the bar, which will give you the opportunity to befriend the bartender, in the hope that he or she will give you priority service later on. Hopefully this will mean that while everybody else has to wait an inordinate amount of time, you can impress your target with the quick service you receive thanks to the groundwork you put in. Wherever you choose to be, make sure it is somewhere with good visibility that is centrally located; you don’t want to have to walk from one end of the place to another when you see someone you like.

4. Be direct

Women like to be credited with some intelligence. They know you’re hitting on them, so at least be upfront about it. Either ask her directly whether she’s alone and if she’d mind some company, or, if you have any flirt-game, ask her a question that requires a response. Even if she doesn’t respond the way you’re hoping, or doesn’t agree to your request, you can always use a little self-deprecating humor to save face. Say that you’ll just be on your way to the bathroom to cry for an hour because she’s crushed your burning romantic dream. She may appreciate your wit and ability to laugh at yourself, and change her mind.

5. Don’t waste time

If you wait too long to approach her you risk someone else getting there first. Don’t fear rejection. The worst thing that can happen is that she doesn’t respond to you. This happens to all men, the thing is not to let it stop you from continuing to try. It’s a numbers game. You’ll regret it more later if you didn’t try. And don’t assume by default that she’s going to be rude. Women are generally pleased that a guy has at least decided to be open about his attraction to them and has summoned up the courage to approach. Even if she isn’t interested, it’s most likely that she won’t be rude or cruel about it.

6. Ask if you can buy her a drink

Ask her what she’s drinking. If she’s almost finished, ask her if she’d like another one. Tell her you have some suggestions–you could tease her into trying something new, but don’t insist if she refuses. This is an opportunity to use innuendo to see how she reacts. For example, asking her if she likes “quickies”–hastening to add that you’re only talking about tequila shots. The idea here is to make her feel naughty and use tongue-in-cheek humor to set up a mood, without causing her to feel threatened or demeaned.

7. Enjoy the moment that you’re in

Assuming you get into the position of at least being in your target’s vicinity, focus on consolidating your position. Be attentive. Have fun. Make her laugh. Keep it light. Don’t try to dominate the conversation. Don’t lose yourself in the desire to think too far ahead–soak up the pleasure of the moment. Keep your eyes on her, yet don’t crowd her or get pushy/invasive. And for heavens’ sake don’t use the excuse that the nightclub is packed to act like a creep and rub yourself against her. Instead, let her feel reassured by your presence.

8. Get her dancing

If she’s enjoying a particular tune and things have proceeded well up to that point, ask her to join you on the dance floor. Avoid talking too much while dancing. Enjoy the music and let the rhythm take over. Ordinarily in a nightclub, the volume won’t lend itself to conversation, and such attempts will invariably become screaming matches. Don’t get too intimate with her on the dance floor unless she initiates it. Let her take the lead and put as much distance between the two of you as she needs to feel comfortable. Hum the lyrics if you like, but don’t sing out loud if you can’t carry a tune.

9. Keep your head clear

You definitely need your wits about you. Don’t drink too much, even if you think you can hold your liquor. The worst experience for a woman is for a guy to start slurring and coming on too strong without even being aware of it. It is a complete and total turn-off. Present yourself iniaitally as harmless and don’t try to impress her too much. If a woman gets comfortable with you, she’ll drop her guard and become more susceptible to what you have in mind.

10. Make your final move

After you’ve spent a good bit of time chatting with her, dancing, and enjoying each other’s company, go ahead and ask her either to have coffee with you sometime or whether you can see her again. Don’t indicate that you expect anything–she might think you’re exacting payment for the drink you bought her. Be happy and settle for whatever she’s ready to offer; it may be her number, another date, or, if you’re really lucky and you’ve made an impression, perhaps even the inside of her apartment.

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One Response to “10 tips for picking up a woman in a bar or nightclub”

  1. Mystery
    October 1, 2011 at 7:17 pm #

    These are not very good tips. Most of these set the frame that SHE is the prize, and that is not a very helpful frame to have.

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