Distancing yourself emotionally

Hey guys, Janak here.

I wanted to give Justin a short break and write a post myself. This one’s some advice for men, but there’s stuff here that’s going to be useful and relevant for women as well, so don’t stop reading immediately, ladies.

I’ve been thinking that one thing I hear from a surprising number of guys is that they just don’t feel they’re “cut out” for the casual sex lifestyle. Despite the unlimited hedonistic pleasure on offer, many men feel they’re too “sensitive” to cope with it . They find it hard to avoid getting emotionally involved with women they’re fucking– basically, they don’t know how to protect themselves psychologically from falling into the trap of unwanted emotional intimacy.

The truth is that men are capable of getting just as emotionally worked-up as women are, and unfortunately they’re usually not as good as women are at processing their emotions efficiently and productively. They just haven’t had enough practice; they aren’t taught the emotional coping strategies girls learn at a very young age until adulthood, if ever.

An inability to distance yourself emotionally from the women you’re fucking can lead to a variety of undesirable and destructive consequences, and I’m not just talking marriage and children. If you don’t protect yourself and end up attached to the wrong woman, you expose yourself to a potential world of suffering, including jealousy, unrequited love, codependency, and overt, painful neediness .

So how do you do it? How do you escape the grasping clutch of the sometime-bootycall who wants More?

I recommend beginning with the following 5 daily affirmations:

1. I will not even consider emotionally connecting with any woman who has not demonstrated consistently good behavior.
2. For the idea of a romantic relationship to even be entertained a woman must love me the way I want to be loved. If she can’t or won’t do this, and isn’t happy with a purely physical relationship, then she must be weeded out of my life.
3. I will say “no” to rude behavior. Followed by “goodbye”.
4. For so long as I am not interested in an exclusive relationship, I will try to never be seeing only one girl at a time.
5. I won’t share my feelings or innermost thoughts with any woman whom I don’t intend to be exclusive with.

What do you guys think? Anything we should add or take away? Interested in your thoughts.

-Janak

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One Response to “Distancing yourself emotionally”

  1. Estefania
    October 26, 2010 at 9:43 pm #

    I think your list is a very good one. I also think that yes indeed, it does apply to both men and women. I like it the way it is. Great blog, btw.

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