Hooking Up Can Lead To Casual Sex

From the Department of No Shit at the University of Iowa comes a new study with an unnecessarily verbose title of “The Contexts of Sexual Involvement and Concurrent Sexual Partnerships”. This groundbreaking report has now quantified that those who have a proclivity for random hook-ups are more likely to have multiple sex partners as opposed to those in monogamous relationships. Without these brilliant academics to guide us, who’d have thought that random hook-ups with the babysitter, bartender or barrista presents for increased risk of “concurrency for both members of sexual dyads”. Translated from Douchebag to English, this means that if you sleep around a lot then you might become a slut!

The daunting academic research behind this shocking thesis was led by Dr. Anthony Paik working with a team of fearless researchers willing to immerse themselves within the sordid world of the Gen-X hook-up crowd. This highly relevant report (utilizing 1995 data on 783 Chicago-area straight adults) now proves that, as of 15 years ago, those who like to fuck around — sorry, “engage in sexual dyads” — are prone to be non-monogamous. Seeing Dr. Paik’s other main subject of study is the interrelationships within the right-wing lawyer community (I’m not making this up), it appears he is focused on those among us prone to screw everybody around them. Those who desire to soak up the entirety of this intellectual endeavor can read the complete study in March’s issue of Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health.

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