Laws are supposed to protect us, but when the government decides to get in our pants, some crazy stuff goes down!
Here are some actual sex laws that are really for the record books:
1. In Bakersfield, Calif., if you’re going to have sex with Satan, you’ve gotta use a condom. (And presumably come up with a safe word.)
2. Porking a porcupine is illegal in Florida. But apparently that law didn’t go far enough. Just recently, State Sen. Nan Rich submitted a bill that would ban people in the Sunshine State from being able to stick it in where the sun don’t shine with any animal.
3. In Minnesota, it’s illegal for any slime bucket to hook up with a live fish. (Don’t worry disinterested wives, a cold fish is still okay.)
4. In Dyersburg, Tenn., it is illegal for a lady to call a gentleman for a date. Clearly no one in that town is getting laid.
5. In Merryville, Mo., no woman can waste her natural waist. Wearing a corset is illegal because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.” No wonder it’s called the “Show Me State!”
6. It’s illegal to purchase sex toys in Alabama.
7. In Washington state, it’s totally legal to fuck an animal like an animal, as long as it weighs less than 40 lbs. Apparently fatty farm pets don’t deserve lovin’.
8. While most would argue that this is place where people get screwed in a million different ways, in Washington, D.C., engaging in any sexual position other than missionary is illegal.
9. In Massachusetts, you cannot recklessly consummate your love with a rodeo clown while the horses are still around.
10. The biggest Internet-porn-consuming state, Utah, gets a little freaky with its laws too. Sex with an animal is totally cool, unless you’re doing it for money. Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?