Interview with David Shade, America’s Renegade Sex Expert

This fascinating, in-depth interview with leading sex expert David Shade of kicks off a new series of interviews on Casual Encounters Blog.

Over the coming weeks and months we’ll be talking to leading sex experts, seduction gurus, and personalities from within different communities and groups that have synergies with the adult dating/casual sex/swinging world–we hope you enjoy reading them as much as we’ve enjoyed doing them.

Take it away, Mr Shade!

I see from your biographical information that you were divorced circa 1992. Do you think that had you known everything you know now that you would have salvaged that relationship? Perhaps never embarked on it in the first place? What are your feelings about it now?

First of all, thank you Janak for this opportunity. I am honored.

Looking back, I would not have wanted to salvage it, in fact I would never have embarked on it in the first place. My feelings now are that I am glad to be where I am. Believe me, I am enjoying myself a lot more now. And because of what I’ve been through over the past 17 years, starting with crushing defeat and evolving into victory beyond my wildest dreams, I am equipped to help other men to avoid the problems and go straight to success.

As research for this interview I read the “lost chapter” of Neil Strauss’s “The Game”. I found it a fascinating read: it’s quite the picture he paints of you. What’s your relationship with him like these days? And are you still only interested in bisexual women!

It was a fascinating night when we met. He is a Jedi Master at rapport. Nobody compares. By the way, contrary to what he wrote, I have never worn a pocket protector. Ha ha.

He and I have met a couple of times since then. We still occasionally communicate indirectly on business matters and he has interviewed me for his interview series.

As for bisexual women, all women are bisexual, some are just quicker to act on it than others. But since I’ve been there and done that, it is not among my top priority selection criteria.

What are your top priority selection criteria?

High self-esteem, intelligence, and an interest in continual learning. The continual learning is important because I am a hungry sponge for new knowledge and insight, and could only be happy with someone who is also. And it really plays into her ability and willingness to be with a man who is a hard working entrepreneur. Intelligence is important because the smarter they are the better my stuff works. High self-esteem is critical because she has to have the sense of deservedness enough to genuinely believe that she deserves happiness and incredible pleasure. Interestingly, it’s the easiest criteria to test for.

How do you do that?

Here’s a quick and easy tip. Shake her hand and notice how she shakes. If she gives you a limp handshake, she is low self-esteem. This is very dependable. If she gives you a good firm handshake, there is a possibility that she is high self-esteem. To know better, there is one truism about high self-esteem women; they were raised with a close loving relationship with their father, so say to her, “That is a good firm handshake. Did your father teach you that?” If she speaks highly about her father, there is a very good chance she is high self-esteem.

As for online dating, look at the way she composes her online profile and emails. If she uses a lower case i to refer to herself, she is low self-esteem. This is also very dependable.

You teach men to be Masterful Lovers. In that end, you teach them how to use hypnosis and NLP. Do you feel that hypnosis and NLP have ethical roles to play in giving women orgasms? If so, do you believe there are boundaries to their applicability, and if so, what do you believe those boundaries are/should be? If you don’t believe there ought to be boundaries, why not?

As for ethics and boundaries, it all goes back to intent and consent. Your intent is to enhance your woman’s enjoyment of being a woman, and everything is done in the context of consent. It’s very simple; if you don’t want to hurt someone, don’t do anything hurtful.

The first thing men learn when they learn NLP is to recognize all the mistakes they were not aware of that they have been making, such as creating bad associations. Then they learn how to create the right associations to enhance their woman’s experience with them. It’s the kind of stuff that women wish men would do.

Hypnosis is actually the advanced course. It is certainly not necessary to give women wild screaming orgasms, but it is needed for the really far out stuff. Interestingly, women are my biggest supporters. Whenever I put out an email where one of my clients reports success using hypnosis in giving his woman an hour long instant orgasm on command, I get a bunch of women emailing me asking where they can find such a man.

What is necessary to give women wild screaming orgasms?

To understand that for women, sex is entirely mental. Appeal to the mental aspects of female sexuality and everything else follows. It has nothing to do with experience, it has everything to do with having the correct knowledge and beliefs.

Does size matter?

It matters if you think it matters. Interestingly, the bigger the guy is, the more he thinks he needs to be bigger. But the truth of the matter is that size has no correlation to women having vaginal orgasms in intercourse. This is verified by emails I regularly get from women. Some women ask me why their well endowed man is not giving her vaginal orgasms in intercourse but her average sized ex was always giving them to her. Some women used to have a well endowed ex who never gave her vaginal orgasms but now her modestly endowed man is regularly giving them to her. And lots of married women ask me what they can do because their big husband never gives her orgasms.

It is the men who buy male enhancement products who are not giving women orgasms. They have all the wrong mindset.

It is interesting to note that the only women who say that size matters are the women who have never had a vaginal orgasm.

There has never been a case where a woman has vaginal orgasms only with a large man but never has vaginal orgasms with a modestly sized man. Never. And it all makes sense when you understand that sexuality for women is entirely mental and that with just your middle finger you can give a woman her very first vaginal orgasm.

How do you do that?

I fell upon this in 1993. I was with a young woman who had never had an orgasm. I tried all the usual stuff like her clitoris, her G-spot, intercourse, but nothing was working. So I simply looked for something that would work for her. With my middle finger I pressed against the front of her vagina as deep in her vagina as I could reach. She immediately responded powerfully, so I continued this, and she had her very first orgasm, a vaginal orgasm at that. Then she was able to have an orgasm in any manner.

I called it the deep spot. Thousands of my clients have had great success with it, and some of them reported that they had also fallen upon it themselves before they read my stuff. In 1998 it was independently discovered by the sex therapy community and referred to as the anterior fornix of the vagina.

Some people believe that some women cannot have vaginal orgasms.

The majority of women have never had a vaginal orgasm. Many of them believe that they are not “one of the lucky ones” who can have vaginal orgasms, as if they were dealt a bad hand. Some sexologists believe that some women are not born with as much “clitoral erectile tissue” within the front wall of the vagina and that women should not set expectations for themselves which would lead to disappointment. Actually, that sets women up for a self-limiting belief.

The reality of the matter is that there is no such thing as some women being preordained to have vaginal orgasms and some women being preordained to not have vaginal orgasms. All women are born with a vagina and a brain. Every woman is perfectly equipped to have vaginal orgasms.

The reasons why some women are not having vaginal orgasms have nothing to do with being dealt any particular hand. They are other reasons, such as chemical, emotional, or mental. Among the chemical issues are prescription drugs, the most popular being anti-depressants. Among the emotional issues include sexual abuse trauma, low self-esteem causing insufficient sense of deservedness for pleasure, abandonment issues, trust issues, inability to lose control to the pleasure in her body, etc. As for mental issues, the most popular by far is the self-consciousness caused when they feel they are going to pee, which causes them to back down and thus miss out.

And a lot of it has to do with clitoral dependency due to years of diligent practice. She has always used her clitoris to have an orgasm and never made any attempt on her own to experiment with vaginal stimulation. And in many cases she is simply with a man who is a lousy lover.

With regard to being a good lover, do you believe some people have limitations which simply cannot be overcome? If so, what are they? If not, how would you justify that belief?

Some men don’t have what it takes, and never will. In some cases it’s because they don’t care. In others, they are selfish. Neither of those can be overcome. In some cases they are just plain ignorant. That might be able to be overcome with education, but they have to want it. But the biggest problem is a warped concept of sexuality. That goes back to how they were raised. Only intense professional counseling can help in those cases.

But for most men, they simply want to learn the correct knowledge and beliefs that it takes to be a Masterful Lover. They are the ones who soak up the knowledge and take on the beliefs and have incredible success. I certainly wish I had access to this stuff a long time ago.

What do you think is the most important single piece of advice you could give to someone who is having trouble with being a good lover?

Understand and accept the fact that women are highly sexual creatures, much more so than men. Especially the smart high self-esteem ones. They actually want their man to be comfortable with their sexuality. You will quickly realize this yourself when you start implementing the material. You will have to be prepared for what appears, because women can really surprise you with how wild they can get.

What is keeping you busy right now? Any upcoming or current projects you’d like to let our readers know about?

Running my company keeps me busy full time. My latest project is a program that I worked on for 17 years called “Select Women Wisely”. It was recently released and I am very happy that it has been so well received. Men truly are interested in finding the good ones.

True enough. Thanks again David for being so incredibly generous with your time and energy: I’m sure our readers appreciate it. You can see David Shade’s video about the deep spot at youtube and check out David’s website at

Plenty more great interviews coming soon–stay tuned!

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11 Responses to “Interview with David Shade, America’s Renegade Sex Expert”

  1. Consul
    September 29, 2009 at 8:49 pm #

    He’s a sex guru. Bow down. He’s a God!

  2. Zero
    September 30, 2009 at 8:51 pm #

    I wish my man would be able to meet this guy. I’m so over my hubby’s poorness in bed. Sucks bigtime!

  3. Lance
    September 30, 2009 at 11:44 pm #

    Excellent interview. I’ve read Shade’s ebook and it increased my sexual happiness by a significant amount.

    • admin
      October 1, 2009 at 3:21 pm #

      Heh. You know after doing this interview I actually tried the “deep spot” technique on a girlfriend.

      *Totally* works.

      Just sayin’.

      • Hotman
        October 1, 2009 at 9:47 pm #

        Care to share the result? Did your girl find what she’s looking for?

        • admin
          October 2, 2009 at 5:15 pm #

          She did indeed. And she’d only been having clitoral orgasms before that, so pretty win.

          • Loser
            October 7, 2009 at 7:47 pm #

            Good for you. I should pretty much buy that book. I’m kinda lame in bed. Awww!

  4. Susan
    November 16, 2009 at 10:43 am #

    I am writing a book for (liberal) Jewish parents who cannot decide whether or not to circumcise their sons. (I have also written a book for young adults on sexual ethics, which was published in the 1990s and recommended by Planned Parenthood and other liberal groups, by the way). My question for you is this: Do you think circumcision makes a huge difference, a small difference or any difference at all in a man’s sexual satisfaction — with himself, with a partner, with a long-term partner. I suspect that you are going to say most of satisfaction is between the ears not between the legs but still, I would LOVE to hear your comments on the matter. Also, let me know if you are willing to have those comments be quoted or if you would like to see the galley before that — doesn’t matter to me — I’m looking for your advice, really, not an endorsement.

    you can check me out on or if you like

    • admin
      November 16, 2009 at 3:25 pm #

      Having not been personally in the situation of being able to have experienced both circumcision and non-circumcision, I can’t offer much from a personal or even anecdotal perspective. There are some studies referenced here which give mixed results.

      I’ve forwarded your comments to David, though; he may get back to you here with a more considered opinion. Hope your new book rocks the shelves!

    • admin
      November 17, 2009 at 3:23 pm #

      I just received the following response to your query from David:


      Thank you for telling me. I do not have expertise in that area.



  5. Daniel Paul Edward Tyson-Young
    March 6, 2010 at 7:12 am #

    I beleive if you circumstise a baby it will lower it’s sexual performance later on in life.
    Quite obviously because it has not got the hood in adulthood to
    held lubricate the main base.

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