Penthouse forum blast from the past

Came across the following hilarious Penthouse forum stories from the mid-90s, courtesy of Monica Hamburg and Kimli. Reprinted here in all their mirth-inducing glory:

I have an enlightening experience to relate to your readers. After reading about and trying some of your ways of jacking off, I have found my own unique way.

I put a banana into an empty blender, then I add a good amount of rum. I turn the blender on and mix until the concoction is mildly chunky. Next, I insert my hard cock into the blender and turn it back on – slowly at first, then faster (those of you who are especially large, watch out for the blades at the bottom!)

The first time I tried this, I found it to be the most electrifying experience I ever had, and I came like I’d never come before! My wife loves to lick me clean, then we share the enriched drink. It tastes like no other.

– Name and address withheld.

I was always afraid of writing to “Forum” about what turns me and my girlfriend on, because I always felt that it was a bit perverted. But after reading this magazine, I’ve come to the awareness that nothing is perverted.

When my girlfriend doesn’t feel like cooking dinner, which recently has been practically every night, I stop off at McDonald’s and buy four Big Macs. Two are for dinner, and the other two help give us sexual pleasure.

After eating, we take the Big Macs into our bedroom, undress, and get into bed. My girlfriend takes one Big Mac and spreads the special sauce on my cock. Then she takes the all-beef patties, forms a tube around my dick with them, and proceeds to jerk me off. I just can’t describe how great my orgasms are because of the unique texture of the patties.

While she’s doing this, I grab the other Big Mac. I make a simple dildo out of a patty and jerk her off with it, using the sauce as lubricant. Lately, she hasn’t needed the lube, because she comes just *looking* at a Big Mac.

After we’re both finished, we lick each other clean. I wonder if any other people enjoy this type of sex. If not, I would seriously recommend it to everyone.

– Name and address withheld.

I have just begun receiving your magazine, and I am extremely glad I that do! I was getting worried that I was some sort of sick pervert, until your magazine brought me to the realization that what is fun is right. The letter that I was glad to see was from a man who described the enjoyment he and his wife received from the use of Big Macs as sexual tools. I also have a food fetish that gives me great pleasure. I live in a dormatory on a large college campus where one of the most common foods is pizza. One night, when my roommate was out on a date, I ordered a large pizza (cheese only), and I had eaten half of it when I got a wild idea. I laid the still slightly warm pizza on my bed and got undressed, then I slowly lay down on the warm, gooey cheese surface of the pie. I proceeded to move back and forth until I was just about to cum, then I raised myself up and saw and felt the gooey cheese “fingers” still clinging to my erect penis. I had the best climax I ever had. Now, at least once a week, I order a cheese pizza and truly enjoy myself!

– Name and address withheld.

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7 Responses to “Penthouse forum blast from the past”

  1. Miley
    September 20, 2009 at 8:36 pm #

    That banana blender thingy is crazy! I admit, thinking about it just turns me on. I gotta get my hubby do that some time.

    • Weather
      September 21, 2009 at 8:09 pm #

      ROFL. You sicko Miley! Just be careful… Your husband’s tool might be crashed along with the ice though.

  2. Kelli Garner
    September 26, 2009 at 4:26 am #

    Really nice posts. I will be checking back here regularly.

  3. teasyfleeta
    October 27, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

    Can you help me to find most popular dating sites.Thanks,

  4. zerbfeese
    October 29, 2009 at 7:21 pm #

    Hey ,

    Im new to the forum and just wanted to introduce myself, i’m Tim . I’ve been lurking around the forum for quite some time looking up info but finally decided to make an account.

    • admin
      October 29, 2009 at 7:43 pm #

      Hi Tim, welcome aboard!

  5. Daniel Paul Young Hitler
    March 10, 2010 at 10:57 am #

    I think I may go out for a pizza ;P xxxx

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