A self-professed “aspiring kickass dude”, Lance’s sharp takes on the dating and mating game tend to be PUA-culture informed, but more thoughtful and emotionally honest than that fact might lead one to suspect. We were delighted when he agreed to give us this interview.
Not to reopen old wounds, Lance, but I’m a nosy old gossip, and when I was reading Honey’s response to my question about how your blog started I saw she stated that you were a “jackass” after you guys broke up, but that she forgave you. Do you think that’s fair comment, and if so, how were you a jackass?
Jackass is absolutely a fair statement. In fact, I still refer to myself as a jackass on a weekly basis because it keeps me humble and keeps me working on things. The short of it is Honey and I had a great relationship that I let disintegrate because I didn’t know how to handle a long-distance thing and I wasn’t man enough to face it. There were a lot of things I wasn’t man enough to do back in those days, and fortunately I’ve done a lot of growing since then and fixed a lot of my issues. I’m very lucky that Honey and I have a good relationship now that includes a rewarding creative partnership.
You refer to yourself as “an aspiring social artist”—what does that mean to you? How does wanting to be a “social artist” inform your everyday life and decision-making?
I don’t at all identify myself as a pickup artist. Measured purely on standards of pickup, I’m fair at best, well below average compared to the best guys. I label myself a social artist because I try to leverage all of the social skills I’ve developed into every facet of my life, from business networking to meeting women to improving my relationships with my regular friends to creating alliances at my job. I find this approach to life far more powerful and rewarding than simply using routines to game chicks and I think the best PUA’s and naturals understand this. Right now I’m very focused on my entrepreneurial pursuits so I use my skills to network, form connections, and close deals.
How would you sum up your advice with regard to dating, socializing, and intimate relationships? What’s your relationship to the “seduction” community?
That’s a tough question because all three are distinct. Being well rounded and an experienced dater is extremely helpful in dating. For socializing, interacting with many groups and individuals and exchanging value is good. I’m still trying to figure out intimate relationships! If pinned down, my thinking is that a successful LTR takes into account how the two partners make each other feel and everything else is gravy. If she makes me feel like a man and good about myself, she’s a keeper, and if I inspire her and make her feel like a woman, than she wins, too. All the logistics and commonalities will follow after that. That’s really hard to do, of course, because usually the individuals are selfish to the point where they don’t consider the partner or are not skilled enough to inspire the other person.
My relationship to the community is pretty loose, I author a blog that occasionally touches on pickup, game, and attraction. Beyond that, I’m friends with some guys who are pickup artists.
Looking at the things you enjoy on your “about” page, I see you include reading—what sort of stuff do you like to read? What attracts you to it?
I read anything and everything. It can range from Alan Greenspan’s “Age of Turbulence” to Tony Robbins to Guy Kawasaki to a Twilight novel. I devour the written word and much of it is mood dependent.
What are your current life goals, and how are you working towards them?
Lots of goals, but I’d like to own an Internet based business that’s worth somewhere in the $30 million range. Short term, I want to turn H&L into a moneymaker and then launch a couple of other sites. I’m always working on my fitness and maybe way down the road I’d like to publish a book or three.
Anything else you’d like to add or share with our readers? Projects you’d like to plug? Thoughts, comments?
I’d love to see some leader in the dating or pickup niches tackle deep relationship game, like break down what to do after the 2-3 month mark. It’s pretty clear to me that relationships are far more complicated than attraction and first dates and I’m fairly certain there are common structures that can be quantified just like in pickup.