Interview with Honey from “Honey and Lance”

I’ve been following the Honey and Lance blog for some months now and have found it not only an intriguing concept, but, perhaps counter intuitively, a successful one. Briefly, “Honey and Lance” are pseudonyms for the authors, a man and a woman who used to date years ago, but who now lead separate lives, while remaining friends. The topics the blog covers range from everything to anything, but there’s a soft focus on dating and relationships, with a lot of material drawn from the authors’ personal lives. Both Honey and Lance are sharp cookies, and while they often disagree, whatever advice they’re dispensing is usually at least worth listening to.

I sent them email asking for interviews, and to my delight they both agreed. Honey’s up first:

First off, Congratulations on your recent PhD, Honey. Well, DOCTOR Honey I guess, now. What attracted you to Composition and Rhetoric? What do you enjoy about it now?

I always knew I wanted to be an English major, but I also knew I didn’t want to be a Lit major. My BA and MA are in creative writing, and I worked in a writing center during that time. I loved my job and learned that my boss had a PhD in Composition and Rhetoric, so it was off to the races! While my current day job isn’t as a professor, I am working in administration/student services at a large university. I got coursework and hands-on experience in administration in grad school, so I felt very prepared for my current role, and honestly, it’s nice to not have to grade papers every night! I get to work with department heads and deans, and since everything’s “rhetoric” to me now anyway, I feel like it was a great degree to get. You can analyze and talk about pretty much anything with that background. Including relationships!

What inspired you and Lance to start the blog? What do you think has made it successful? What future plans do you have for it?

After I forgave Lance for being a jackass when we broke up, we were great e-mail buddies and sent each other super long and analytical e-mails about dating and relationships, so we decided to put it up in a public forum. I love the community we have of other bloggers – everyone has an interesting and slightly different perspective. It is definitely a process – we have been at it over a year and a half now, just building content and community. But since I moved to Phoenix to be with the BF, I don’t have a lot of friends in-town and this blog was really helpful from a sanity standpoint. I think one of the unique things about it is that we have the guy-girl perspective (and we don’t agree on quite a lot!) from two people who used to date, and therefore know each other well, but who don’t date anymore for a variety of reasons. I haven’t seen other blogs out there with exactly that approach. Long-term, we would like to find a way to make some money off of it (who wouldn’t?) both so that we can afford to devote more time to it and so we can provide more services to our readers. Not sure yet what form that will take or what timeline we’d be working with.

You’re often pretty, uh, explicit on with regard to your sexual relationship with your partner. I’m just wondering how he feels about that? Do many of the important people in your real life know about your blog and read it? What sort of reactions do you get?

Well, the BF knows what I blog about, but it’s a big help that he doesn’t read it – both because I think he would get embarrassed even though I use a pseudonym and because then I can use the space to vent sometimes when he’s a jerk and I really only want validation for my feelings at the time. In the beginning, I ran things by him before posting quite often, but he never cared so now I just post what I want. I do tell him when I post about how great he is because it makes him feel good! I can count on two hands the number of people who know that I have a blog under a pseudonym, and I can probably only count on one hand the ones who know the URL of the site. And I don’t think any of them actually read it. Which is fine with me! I have a family-and-friends-friendly blog under my real name to catch people up on the real news in my life and spare them my sexcapades.

I see that you and your boyfriend are anti-breeding (snap!)— curious to hear what you think about a theory a female friend of mine shared with me recently: “It seems likely that the ‘estrogen kicking in’ thing is a myth. My Mom’s generation was always told that it would kick in at 25 (“nearly too late” back then) and then it got pushed to 30, and now people say 35. I think it is the power of suggestion.”

I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised, not in the sense of being raised well or poorly, but of how much you were around kids. My sister is close to my age, I was never a baby-sitter, I’ve never changed a diaper, been alone with a child under 5, etc. I just think some people are into it and some people aren’t, and the number of people who “kick in” (i.e. go from feeling very strongly one way to very strongly the other way) are very, very rare. I think there are TONS of people who *say* they “kicked in” or even that they always wanted kids and really they’re faking it because they want to seem normal. I also think there are TONS of people who say their kids are the best thing that happened to them and they’re lying because, well, the truth would be received very, very poorly in our society. The BF and I are both very headstrong, very cerebral, and I don’t think that we’d do well with a child. The older I get the more I object to childbearing from an ethical standpoint. Also, we’re each at risk for some nasty genetic things that we wouldn’t feel right passing on (even if we don’t suffer from them ourselves). If I ever did feel differently, I’d want to adopt a Chinese baby (Asian baby mohawk! So cute!) but the BF is opposed to adoption for a variety of reasons, and since I think I feel more strongly than he does about not wanting one at all, it’s kind of a moot point.

What makes you laugh?

The LOLCats on, the BF (he really enjoys puns so we are always trying to come up with really good ones to see if the other person notices), really really good dialogue and obscure literary or historical references in tv shows (I laugh every time I watch the episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Principal Snyder calls Xander an “airborne toxic event” because I think, how many other people who watch this show have read White Noise by Don Delillo?). I used to hate comedies but somehow I grew into them. I like movies like Superbad and Away We Go. I also laugh at our animals pretty regularly. I totally get why they make you live longer – our big cat terrorizes our tiny dog, and it makes me laugh because I can totally see how much PLANNING the cat puts into it. I mean, he really thinks about how he can scare her! The dog is also just pretty hysterical (as I think most dogs probably are) because she has NO DIGNITY. She ran face-first into our hearth the other day because she was trying to look back at me over her shoulder and run in front of me at the same time. It was awesome.

Anything else you’d like to add or share with our readers? Any upcoming projects you’d like to plug? Thoughts, comments?

We’ve always got new ideas cooking but welcome feedback, suggestions, and relationship questions from our readers. On a personal note, the BF and I talk about marriage all the time though we can’t afford a ring or a wedding at the moment. He’s pretty invested in it being a surprise, though, so it should be a shocker to our readers as well! I think it’ll be interesting once that happens because from what I hear the stress will make for some interesting stories. Relationships are work, though with the right person they’re worth it – I often feel like my relationship is really tidal. We have some ooshy-gooshy “I wuv you, snuggle bum” times and some “OMG I’m so pissed I could scream” times, but most of the time we have a really solid partnership because we communicated our needs so explicity when we first met. It’s really, really important to know what you want!

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4 Responses to “Interview with Honey from “Honey and Lance””

  1. Heartless
    July 19, 2009 at 10:14 pm #

    I’m a lurker of their blog. It’s a must read! I find it entertaining! Fun fun!

  2. Pokerface
    July 20, 2009 at 9:30 pm #

    Honey and Lance are such cool couple. They should think of getting back together!

  3. Honey
    July 30, 2009 at 6:53 pm #

    Thanks for running this! It was fun to do.

    Pokerface, I think the BF would have something to say about me getting back with Lance. But I do care a great deal for him – probably even more now than I did when we dated. We’ve both grown so much, it’s really deepened what we have.

    But if I ever found myself suddenly single again, it’d be hard to not reminisce about how great Lance was in bed…


  1. Interview with Lance from “Honey and Lance” | Casual Encounters - August 7, 2009

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