How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 17 “Spicing up sex: Toys, Food and Fantasy”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert


Toys have become more popular in the last decade or so, the theory being that in a world of increasing monogamy couples are buying toys to spice up their sex life. It’s not recommended that you whip out the props during your first night together, but here are a few things that you might like to introduce later to add to the fun.

The Vibrator

Many women, single and attached, swear by the vibrator as a guaranteed way to make themselves come. This can be because of the intensity of the vibrations, that she uses it alone and so is more relaxed with it, or because she knows how to position it on her body to arouse herself.

A vibrator can come in any shape, size and color, but the most popular usually resembles a man’ s penis. A woman’s desire for a vibrator should not make you feel as if you can’t please her; in fact, the best thing to do would be to operate it yourself on her. She’ll love it! Just be careful of over-stimulating her. Placing it directly on her clitoris may be too much.


These are just like the penis-shaped vibrator, except they don’t vibrate. They are often made of softer material and can be used to penetrate a woman, giving the feeling of a real penis inside her. Many dildos are curved upwards to directly stimulate her G-spot. Some dildos have a harness for a man to strap on, enabling double penetration of her vagina and her anus. Another, the Accommodator, is tied around a man’s chin so her can give her head and penetrate her with the dildo at the same time.

As already mentioned, if you are interested in trying some toys, introduce them slowly and carefully. She may get the wrong idea and feel you believe the sex is boring and unsatisfying.


Feeding each other in bed can stimulate your desire as well as your taste buds. It can be fun, messy and erotic all at once. Here is a list of the most seductive food:

-Chocolate (contains the same chemical your brain produces when you’re in love)
-Red wine, champagne, juice

Remember, don’t overwhelm your taste buds or have a meal first; you’ll feel bloated and tired. This is merely the appetizer!


As thoughts play a very important part in the female orgasm, most women have particular fantasies that turn them on. The joy of fantasies is they can be irrational, impossible, and private. They are also safe and harmless: she is in control and there are no repercussions.

She has probably been fantasizing about you since she first got to know you. A woman’s imagination is a powerful thing and whereas men’s fantasies tend to be more like snippets of a film: a breast, a quick threesome, women’s fantasies are usually quite intricate with a plot and dialogue. Not everyone likes to share their fantasies, however, so don’t pressure her into revealing hers. If she wants you to know, she may simply tell you one night, or you could gently ask her yourself.

Some people enjoy incorporating role-plays into their sex lives, such as the classic schoolteacher/naughty student performance. Some people like to dress up. Some enjoy bondage. Whatever you enjoy, play-acting can be a lot of fun, providing she feels comfortable with it.

(Note: “acting out” fantasies is usually the domain of couples who have been together for a while. Don’t whip out the handcuffs on your first night together! Fantasies should also be thought of as a spicy extra in your sex life: a great addition occasionally, but not to be depended on for a good time.)

Tags: , ,

One Response to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 17 “Spicing up sex: Toys, Food and Fantasy””

  1. Vb
    June 24, 2009 at 8:08 pm #

    I have 2 vibrators and I just love using it everyday! ughhh.. Make me feel hot big time!

Leave a Reply