How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 14 “Foreplay”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

What is a woman’s favorite part of sex? Is it the orgasm? No. Is it penetration? No. Is it having her nipples sucked? No.

Women report their favorite part of sex is foreplay. So what exactly is foreplay? It’s the kissing, touching and talking that comes before intercourse. All good seducers use foreplay, it’s necessary to ensure a memorable experience for her. In basic terms, the pleasure of foreplay lubricates her vagina to allow easy penetration for you, and brings her much closer to orgasm.

You will need to find out what your woman likes especially, and go from there. You should spend at least 15 minutes on foreplay, don’t rush it. As it takes her longer to get excited, she needs lots of kissing and touching first.

Here are some great things you can incorporate into foreplay.

Taking a Bath

This can be a great form of foreplay, especially if you’ve been seeing each other for a while. (Make sure the bath is clean and you won’t be interrupted!) The warmth of the water makes you both feel relaxed and also extra clean. You can put aromatherapy oils in the bath to create a nice scent and make you both a bit slippery. Bubble bath can also be a nice touch, you can cover each other in foam.

You can put some body wash on a bath sponge and gently squeeze it over her body, moving the sponge in a circular motion. She’ll love the warm water running over her.


Massage is a great prelude to lovemaking. It initiates touch, relaxes her and makes her feel warm. If you have the energy and skill, you can give her a full body massage. Otherwise, have her lying on her stomach and give her a basic neck and back massage.

Before you start, make sure you use some kind of oil to make your hands run over her smoothly. Also rub your hands together first to warm them.
Start gently, massaging the top of her shoulders with the tips of your fingers. Now move your thumbs up the top on her spine, on each side of her vertebral column, and up the back of her neck. Focus on her pressure points, being careful not to be rough but applying enough pressure so that you’re kneading her skin gently.

With her arms, work your way up from the hands, squeeze and release, squeeze and release. An important massage technique is symmetry, treating both sides of her body equally.

If you like handling a woman’s foot, women adore foot massages. Don’t squeeze her feet as this will push the bones together and hurt her. Instead, use your thumbs to gently knead each part of her foot.

If a man is a good masseur, a woman should be putty in his hands. When she’s feeling completely relaxed, you can let your touches become caresses and start stroking her in a more sexual way.

Touching and kissing her

Remember each body part is an erogenous zone, so don’t immediately start touching her between the legs. Always start with the kiss, and make sure you’re somewhere you won’t get interrupted (a ringing phone and the sound of your mother’s voice on the answer machine is a big turn-off).

Kiss her gently at first, with controlled passion. If she gives you her tongue, it means she’s turned on and wants to go further. Use your tongue a little bit (not forcing it into her mouth), and try sucking on her lips, one by one. When you know she’s with you, start kissing other parts of her face – eyes, ears, and cheeks. These kisses are very reassuring for her. Then move down to her neck.

Now you can start touching her. Touch is very important because it tells her how skilled you will be in bed. It also tells you more about the shape of her body and how far she’ll let you go. If she won’t let you feel her body, it’s not the time for sex. Start running your hands over her breasts, gently at first, and over the rest of her upper body.

You can start undressing her slowly, while not breaking the rhythm of your touching and kissing. If she’s especially confident she’ll undress you too.
Massage the palm of her hand and suck on her fingers, then kiss your way up her arm back to her mouth. Gently nibble on her earlobe, kiss her ear and every so often gently insert your tongue. Some women don’t like this but test her for her response because she may love it.

Now move your mouth down to her breasts. Suck on one nipple gently while massaging her other breast with your hand. After a while, change breasts. (Just before or during her period her breasts may be a bit tender, so you will need to be extra careful at this time.)

Hopefully by this time she is lying down on her back, her face flushed with pleasure and her eyes closed. Move your hand to stroke her stomach, then as you kiss her stomach move your hands down to start massaging her legs, her inner thighs and the sensitive bit of skin behind her knees. Stroke her calves, her ankles, massage her feet and suck gently on each of her toes. If she’s ticklish, adjust your pressure.

All the way through this you can be talking to her in a low voice, if you wish, asking her how things feel and telling her how beautiful she is. She’ll love it!

If you feel a bit grumpy about the fact you’re doing all the work at this stage, think of it as priming her for later. If you do this first bit right, she’ll think you’re fantastic and be more than willing to repay the favor later. Think about how much you want her to enjoy being with you, and how good she’ll feel when you’re having sex with her.

If you know a guy who brags about how many women he’s fucked, that’s exactly what he means. It wasn’t tender, it wasn’t thoughtful, and the women involved probably didn’t have such a great time. A man who’s had a lot of partners isn’t necessarily good in bed, just good at getting women to go to bed with him. You want the women you see to want to repeat the process! It’s much better than starting again at square one.

By now she should be very wet before you’ve even touched her vagina. When you do start touching her between the legs, don’t go straight for the clitoris. Instead, run your thumbs up and down her labia, and just insert a finger into her. Tease her and drive her crazy. She’ll probably start making movements with her hips, just dying for more. A sign a woman is aroused when you manually stimulate her vagina is the sucking motion it begins to make. You will feel the walls close in a little around your fingers.

When you do make it to her clitoris, as it’s hidden under a hood you need to expose it a little bit. Do this by pressing your thumb on one side of the clitoris, while pulling the hood back. Make short, sweeping motions over her clitoris.

If you have music playing in the background, a popular trick is to “dance” over her clitoris in time with the beat.

Oral Sex: Cunnilingus

A lot of women find it hard to orgasm during penetration, for a variety of reasons. Often it’s because her clitoris isn’t being stimulated, and one way of remedying this is to try lots of new positions. But another way to ensure she has a good time before you even have sex is by going down on her. The gentle, wet pressure of your tongue will send her into heaven.

This isn’t to say that women prefer oral sex to penetration (actually most women prefer to orgasm through sex because they say it’s more emotionally charged), but her orgasm will be different. Giving her oral sex will also take the pressure off your penis to “perform”.

If cleanliness is an issue for you or you don’t like the taste, bathe or have a shower with her beforehand. You could also try incorporating food with oral sex (more on food later), such as chocolate sauce or ice cream.

There are various ways to give her oral sex: with her standing up and you kneeling in front of her, with her on all fours and you behind her, with her bent over a table and you behind her, with her legs spread over your face as you lie down, or with her on her back and you between her legs. There is also the famous sixty-nine position, the top and tail treat where you simultaneously give each other head.

When going down on her, keep in mind that you don’t need to suck her like a vacuum cleaner or nibble at her like a woodpecker. This will hurt her. A lot of men also seem to believe that repeatedly flicking your tongue is what she wants you to do. No! Try to imagine you’re kissing her mouth. Then what you need to do is find a rhythm with your tongue; make circles, write the alphabet, whatever. Find out what she likes! What makes her groan with pleasure? The thing is to hold the rhythm or adjust it accordingly, depending on her body language. Most women like a bit of variety so don’t use the same rhythm every time, or she’ll get bored. The biggest turn on for a woman during oral sex is sensing your enthusiasm, so make sure you enjoy the experience too.

While you are kissing and licking her, occasionally slide your hands over her torso and breasts to stimulate them. You can also insert a couple of fingers into her vagina. Some women also like having their anuses played with. If she likes it, run your finger around the outer rim or gently insert your (lubricated) little finger inside her. If you do this, wash your hands before returning to her vagina, as the bacteria may cause infection.

A woman’s clitoris is very sensitive and its size varies from woman to woman. Don’t go directly for it; tease her a little, moving your mouth around her labia and sucking very gently. Most likely, just before she’s about to come, she will press her thighs against your head and place her hands on the back. When she comes, don’t remove your mouth during her orgasm.

Keep in mind that unlike men who have one orgasm and need a break, a woman can come again and again in quick succession. This isn’t to say that you should expect her to, or that she has to in order to feel satisfied. But if she’s come during oral sex, take a break of a minute or so and then continue with your lovemaking. She may come again when you’re inside her!

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2 Responses to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 14 “Foreplay””

  1. Daniel Paul Edward Tyson-Young
    March 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm #

    I found this really interesting, I am looking fowrd to actually doing this when the time comes to it, with a man, who’s name I shall not disclose, for fear of his saftey.


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