How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 13 “How to be Successful in Bed”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Before we look at the mechanics of how to treat her, here are three basic ways to be a winner between the sheets:


Fears, doubts, moods and thoughts can all be transformed through talking and a lot of tension can be dissolved. But communication is not only talking; it is body language, listening skills and vocal tones.

If you want to please her, the best way is to communicate with each other, and share what you enjoy

This doesn’t mean discussing it like a business meeting and drawing diagrams, it can be a simple as responding to her moans of pleasure. If she’s enjoying something, ask her if she wants it hard or soft for example. Realize that it doesn’t break the mood, it intensifies it. Women find a man who asks them what they want incredibly sexy.


This refers to your knowledge of her anatomy, as outlined in the first chapter, and how you use this knowledge. During sex you will utilize different positions, fantasies, toys, kissing, foreplay – and your technique will play an important part in all of them.

Your attitude is everything in the bedroom, so think about what kind of attitude you want to convey. Your technique could be perfect, but if it’s delivered in a cold, robotic manner she won’t want to see you again.

Try being open-minded, playful and loving during sex and she’ll feel relaxed and pleased.

Before you actually have sex, you will also want to prepare for the moment it happens. Here are some tips:

Pre-sex Preparation

Read “girly” magazines such as Cosmopolitan. You may dismiss such magazines as a waste of time, but they contain invaluable tips for women on how to have great orgasms, and you can steal these ideas. If you’re embarrassed to buy them, you can subscribe or borrow a female friend’s copy.

A note about porn magazines: they can be useful to see how she looks between the legs, but they are misleading when it comes to pleasing women. These women are dressed and positioned in ways that will please men (the target buyers) and are often unrealistic. So don’t use them as inspiration for your sexual repertoire!

Candles are a good idea, because they create a soft lighting which will make her feel romantic.

Soft music (not Kenny G) will also add to the romantic atmosphere. Avoid aggressive sounds like Eminem – loud music may stir up excitement but not the right kind!

Some people like to burn incense to stimulate the sense of smell, but I don’t recommend it as it’s often quite strong, and anyway your own smells should be enough of a turn-on.

Create a feeling between you with sensual talk – compliment her on her body, for example. It relaxes her and makes her want you even more.

Make sure your house and bedroom are tidy when you bring her home! If your house is sloppy, she’ll equate this with you being sloppy in other areas, too. Have clean sheets on the bed and make sure you’re clean too, and smell good. Note: make sure your fingernails are short. You don’t want to scratch her, especially when your fingers are inside her.

Some alcohol can be a good idea, such as red wine or champagne. It relaxes you a bit, but beware of getting yourself or her drunk. It will affect decision making and coordination, leading to a less than successful night that you try to recall over your hangovers the day after.

Now you’re ready to get going, next post we’re going to go into the specifics of blowing her mind.

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3 Responses to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 13 “How to be Successful in Bed””

  1. Brad
    March 8, 2009 at 10:11 pm #

    this is really interesting

  2. Daniel Paul Edward Tyson-Young
    February 24, 2010 at 8:08 am #

    This is a very intriguing post. I am a very Romantic man, Seeing that I have always hated any form of Rap music, drugs that are non aphrodisiac, and most of all trying to chocke on plastic.

    I think an Ideal Romantic stituation in my ideal fantasy land, would be to dress up as a school boy and go back with a student on thear University campus, and try to go unrecognised.
    Maybe even have sex in thear university campus toilets, and make a fair amount of noise so the chances of getting caught are higher.

  3. Donnell Braucher
    March 10, 2010 at 1:21 pm #

    Lots of Good information in your post, I favorited your site so I can visit again in the near future, All the Best

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