How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 11 “Looking Ahead”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Imagine you’ve gone on a few dates. How you are doing at this stage will vary depending on your own goals and how far she’s let you go. Maybe you’ve kissed her a few times, maybe you’ve gone much further. There is no right or wrong amount of progress. But imagine some time has passed, and you still really like her. In fact, you like her more each time you see her. And she seems to like you a lot too. She sound pleased when you call, she always says yes when you ask her out.

If you’re starting to see each other regularly, this is the time to stop dating other people. You may have been dating a few women, to test the waters, have a good time and not get hurt, but if you really like her, you should close off other avenues, at least for now. You’d expect the same from her, wouldn’t you?

So you’re doing well so far, you’ve put real effort into her and it’s paying off nicely. How do you keep things going the way they are? The key is maintenance. Think of it like your car. If you don’t service your car regularly, it doesn’t work well. Your relationship is the same. You need to keep:

– buying her small, special gifts.
– writing her letters/emails.
– surprising her.

These things remind her that you appreciate her, you excite her, you intrigue her, you attract her.


Here is a special section on flowers because they are such a good idea. You don’t have to give her a big expensive bunch. Just walk into a florist’s and tell them how much you are prepared to pay.

It’s an especially good idea to give her flowers just after you’ve slept with her. If you feel it’s a bit corny to hand-deliver them, you can always pay for them to be delivered by the florist. Attach a short note, such as, “Last night was fantastic. I can’t wait to see you again.” If you’ve slept together, chances of it happening again are greatly in your favor!

One warning about gifts and thoughtful gestures, though: don’t do the same things all the time. If you give her flowers every Friday, for example, she won’t appreciate them as much or feel special. If you make her coffee every morning, she’ll come to expect it and it won’t be a surprise. Remember passion comes from excitement, which you are providing with the occasional surprise.

To keep things working long term, apart from keeping the romance alive, you need to:

Keep listening to her when she wants talk about something

Support her in things she wants to do with her life

Maybe she wants to take up a new hobby, change her career. The longer you’re together, the stranger things like this feel for the partner. They sometimes feel like the other person’s moving away from them. But putting them down or trying to discourage them will only make them resent you. Encourage her personal growth and she’ll love you forever.

Keep your sanity by doing your “own thing” as well

Go out for a night with the boys, watch the odd sports game, play the odd Playstation game. She won’t resent it as long as it’s not every day.

Sacrifice a few things for the relationship

Inevitably people let a few things go for the sake of a long-term relationship. This shouldn’t include things that are really important to you, such as family or career. But if you’re accustomed to drinking with your mates every Saturday night, maybe give that a rest. If you have an impressive porn collection on display and regularly watch porn movies, perhaps cut down on that a bit. Remember she will also be making small adjustments for you. It’s inevitable when people spend a lot of time together that they will have to make a few modifications to suit the other person.

Maintain a sex life that keeps you both happy

If you don’t, you’ll inevitably start looking around at other women. If you stop having sex with her she’ll be like a friend and not a lover. Often, just making the effort to have hot sex is a turn-on in itself.

Things not to do in a happy long-term relationship

Don’t fight

Although the occasional blow-up is fine and the make-up sex is great, fighting regularly is tiring, degrading and pointless. You shouldn’t need to fight all the time.

Don’t lie

Women are often mysteriously attuned to lies so don’t do this. Women place enormous importance on trust, and if she can’t trust you then nothing else matters.
Obviously this doesn’t include “white lies” such as when she asks you if she looks fat in that dress and if you like her new leopard-skin shoes.

Don’t put her down

A lot of men do this without even realizing; they tease her about her lack of intelligence or patronize her. Be very careful about doing this. If you fall into the habit it will seem very natural to you while her feelings for you will completely disappear. The saddest thing is when women start to believe the put-downs and don’t have the confidence to leave. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

Don’t hold grudges

Occasionally she may be irrational or make the mistake, then ask you to forgive her. You may feel superior and refuse forgiveness, but think how this makes you look. She’s already apologized; now like a child you’re holding it over her head. She will respect you more for your adult behavior, which means you will forgive her and let it go. You will not bring it up in the future, again and again. How annoying would that be!


Follow the advice in this series, practice, make mistakes and learn from them, and you will be a great success with women. For information about pleasing her in bed, which I’m sure you want to do, see keep reading for part two of this series.

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