As promised, this part of my How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand series focuses on what NOT to do around a woman you’re trying to seduce. Guys, listen up!

1) Don’t act like you’re going in for the kill
Okay, so you’re armed with techniques to attract her, but if you’re standing in front of her with a determined expression firing off rehearsed lines, she’ll run a mile. Relax. She’s a human being, just like you, with her own insecurities. When you’re relaxed, you’ll make her feel relaxed.

2) Respect her reasons for not being interested
You could be the nicest, cleanest, funniest guy in the world and she could still not be interested. This could be for any number of reasons. First, she may have a boyfriend in which case, back off. Men who don’t respect that a girl’s in a relationship seem pushy. Some men are unfazed by her relationship and carry on regardless. What you do is your decision, but it’s not recommended.

Second, she may simply not be interested in meeting a man at this time. She may be happily single, preoccupied with something else such as a demanding career, whatever. It’s nothing personal.

Finally, she may simply not be interested in you. I know that sounds harsh, when you’ve mustered up the courage to approach her and made yourself look so good. But there’s such a thing as chemistry, and if she can’t feel it then it won’t happen. It’s disappointing and sometimes crushing but the important thing is not to be put off. Often it’s a numbers game that you have to persevere at. Hopefully she won’t be mean about it, but however coldly she responds, accept her decision and try again. As mentioned above, some women do warm to a man who perseveres, so if you feel it’s a matter of time then you could try this approach. But if she’s downright rude then it’s a strong sign to move on.

Remember it’s all practice, it’s all experience, all men go through it. Don’t give up!

3) Don’t use corny pick-up lines or touch her too soon
Many men place far too much emphasis on the first line, thinking it’s monumental significance and charm will win her over forever. Sorry, but women aren’t that shallow! There are some god-awful lines out there that will guarantee you rejection.

For example:

“Look at you, in your pretty little dress.” (patronizing)
“How old are you?” (nosey)
“I saw you in line for the girl’s bathroom.” (So? Why are you hanging around there?)
“Have you ever kissed another girl?” (sleazy)

Don’t memorize gags and jokes beforehand, they sound forced. For what to say to her, wait for Part 6: Approaching Her.

You should let her initiate the touching, which she is likely to do as women use touching as a sign she’s bonding with you, such as putting her hand on your arm.

4) Don’t kiss her at the wrong time or ask for permission
By the “wrong time” I mean when she’s feeling vulnerable about something, for example she’s had a fight with a friend or just had a bad day. Hold her, sure, and you could try for more if she responds, but lunging at her will get you nowhere.

It’s hard for a woman to respect a man who asks for permission. We know he’s trying to communicate sensitivity, but all we hear is, “I can’t make my own decisions”, and it kind of breaks the moment. You’re a man, just go for it when you feel it’s the right time. If she doesn’t respond, be nice about it. There’ll be another time.

5) Plus a few more..
Don’t slobber over her, especially if she’s made herself look really nice for you; don’t brag about things, don’t watch a sports game on a date unless she wants to as well; don’t order her around (this includes in bed as well as out); don’t leave your porn collection lying around for her to see; don’t talk about other women; and finally, don’t pretend to know about things when you really have no idea.

Now you have a few ideas about things to avoid, we can move on to successful seduction techniques, the first being how to attract her physically.

I don’t know how familiar with the Rules of the Internet you guys are, but assuming this guy has a private gallery full of “cherished pizzafucks” here’s yet another testimony to the undeniable, intrinsic truth of rule 34.

I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome on board noted author and sex expert Lyla Marsh, who will be guest blogging a series here that she has entitled “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand”. Over the next few weeks she’ll be sharing with us her personal insights into hooking up, seduction, adult dating, and the art of pleasuring women.

Lyla, over to you!

Thanks Janak. My pleasure to be here, and thanks again for inviting me. I hope your readers will enjoy my series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it!

I thought we’d begin the series by answering a question I seem to hear every day from at least one of my male readers: what DO women want from men? Unfortunately the answer to this one isn’t straightforward. Women want LOTS of things from men! We’re greedy like that!

However, for the sake of everyone’s sanity and bearing in mind that we don’t want you guys falling asleep on us (a notorious male bad habit), I’ll try to keep our wish list manageable. Let’s step through the most important things women want from their men and spend a little time expanding on each thing.

Communication
To some men this is like trying to discover the secrets of the universe. As author John Gray says, it’s like women come from another planet. How do you find out what they want? The answer is, by talking to them and learning to read their signals. Communication is the most important thing by far. Remember this doesn’t mean talking about yourself for hours while she falls asleep – a lot of men get nervous and have a tendency to do this. Communication means listening, looking, and body language. Women want to know you’re interested in more than their bodies, that you’re paying attention to them. Also, a good listener usually means a good lover in a woman’s mind. You’ll be amazed at her response if you simply listen to what she has to say. A lot of men don’t.

Honesty
Trying to be someone you aren’t is the wrong way to go. A fake personality is obvious and you’ll only end up digging yourself into a hole. Women respect a man who is genuine. If you ever read the personals in a newspaper, or hang out in a chat room on the internet, people invariably lie about themselves: “6-foot dark-haired muscle man ” and so on. What happens when your untruths are exposed? I saw a personal ad once that said: “Chubby, 40-something unemployed couch potato seeks kindred spirit.” This man got an unbelievable amount of replies, his approach was so refreshing – and honest. A woman can really open up to a man she trusts.

Perseverance
A man who knows what he wants and goes for it is unbelievably sexy to a woman. It shows that he has the confidence and desire to pursue her. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should bother a woman who is clearly not interested or is in a happy relationship with someone else. But if you can show her you’re willing to overcome a few obstacles, such as her busy schedule or wariness of rushing things, she’ll really appreciate it.

Romance
Of course women want romance. Think about it: from the day they’re born they’re read stories by their parents, stories about princesses and castles and Happily Ever Afters with princes who don’t fart and have beautiful steeds. Now rationally women know that in the new millenium none of this will happen, but they’ve been conditioned enough to hope some aspect of it will permeate their lives. So the key is not to don a suit of armor, rather to take key elements of the fairytale and manipulate them to please her.

The most romantic thing a man can do for a woman is appreciate her. A woman will spend hours (and money) trying to look her best for a man, so acknowledge this by paying her little compliments. It shows that you notice her and admire her. By making her feel special, she is much more likely to “reward” you later..

You also need to be patient. Men make the mistake of expecting instant gratification, which makes it clear to the woman that he’s only after her for sex. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable so go slow.

A man of mystery is always the most exciting in a story, he creates intrigue and excites her into wanting more. Women love anonymous Valentines Day cards for example, because they can use their imaginations to create a fantasy. Keep a few things to yourself, without being devious, and she’ll want to know you better – mentally and physically.

Being spontaneous is incredibly romantic and a huge turn-on for women, especially in a long-term relationship. It keeps things fresh and stimulating. This doesn’t necessarily mean flowers and chocolates, just doing something out of the ordinary. Plan something for the two of you to do together, bring her breakfast in bed, any kind of nice surprise that breaks the routine a bit and stirs up the kind of feelings that were there when you started dating. A man who is romantic will always succeed with women, because through romantic gestures it’s like he’s speaking her language and showing that he understands her needs. You must use tour own special talent to create the romance, be it acting, writing, art, sports; it’s all about creating an illusion out of the ordinary.

A Sense of Humor
Of course this isn’t enough in itself to make a woman desire you, but it’s a great plus and a great way to get her attention. If you laugh, it lightens the mood and breaks the tension, and she’s likely to laugh with you. The ability to make a woman laugh is a great plus, and it shows her that you’re confident and relaxed around them.

So there we have it. Do our demands seem so unreasonable? Guys?

Of course, as well as knowing the basic things that please women, you need to know how not to screw up your seduction routine. Women are easily turned off, especially at the beginning when they don’t know you. With that in mind, my next post will be on the subject of what not to do around women. Stay tuned!

Man, some freak had to go and do it. Soliciting for anonymous sex meets lolcats…

Titular apologies first of all to Charles Bukowski for swiping one of his lines, I know he’d forgive me.

I just wanted to share an interesting email that I received today from one of our site members. I’ll let him tell you his story:

On December 19,2008, I finally was released from prison after 20 years and 9 months. I am not homosexual and found no attraction to men on the inside (as some do). I stayed true to myself and true to my nature of being straight. Thus, I haven’t had sex now for 21 years.

Once released the State of Texas placed me on a monitor and put me on house arrest to where all I can do is leave my house for employment purposes and for medical attention, should I need any. “But,” I cannot get out of the house to find a date or get laid !! I am about to go nuts out here !! And the Web sites do me no good because no one is interested in coming to a ex-convicts house to meet him, I can’t get anyone to chat with and I am just stuck.

Okay, I was a college student a University of Houston and got into a fight with campus security guards 21 years ago. Damn!!! Do the citizens of Texas ever consider a debt to society paid. I did my time and now that I am out I can’t even get laid !!!

E-mail me at CENSORED and tell me what you think about my situation.

I couldn’t help but feel for the guy. I told him I’d post his story up on the blog and forward any responses to his email address.

I’m sure there must be a few NSA-sex fans in his area who’d consider helping him out. The guy should at least be able to find someone to chat with, for fuck’s sake. (I don’t get a “he might cut off my head and stick it in his fridge” vibe from him, for what it’s worth.)

What do you think, ladies? Help a brother out?

I was just trolling about and found this story by “captainmeatballs” over at ilXor.com. Cracked me up.

Once I was in a pizza place in Connecticut. There was this really hot waitress working the pies like no tomorrow. Something about the way she said sausage that made me horny. “Sauseeg”. Man did my sauseeg get hard when she talked. We flirted through must of our interactions. At the end of the night I asked her for her number and what time she got off work. She said she was hanging out late tonight to close up. It was her parents shop. She asked if I wanted to stay and help. I did. We stayed late and we were so attracted to each other that we started going at it right there on the counter. We pushed the Jimmy Fund Donation can aside and laid out some flour on the counter top. We stripped butt naked and I told her to get the meatballs and sauseeg. She proceeded to shove two meatballs inside my rectum. It was hot. I rubbed her all over with capicola and mortadell. I made her my little italian sub and ate the shit out of her.

I’ll never look at a meatball (or a “sauseeg”) the same way again. Anyone else got any anonymous sex stories they’d like to share?

While you’re thinking about it, also think about how much you wish you owned this t-shirt.

Probably some of you will be familiar with this debacle, but thought I’d link it for any who aren’t. I guess it makes (in a way that–shame on me–I do find slighty funny) a pretty good case for keeping your wits about you out there.

Unfortunately for those of you who’re genuine, a sizable chunk of the people making hookup profiles or posting NSA type ads aren’t. At least these guys were just doing it for chuckles; a lot of the time I spend on the site involves deleting fake/spam profiles. (I spend almost as much time again deleting pictures of guys’ peckers. PEOPLE: GIVE IT UP ALREADY.)

Anyway it’s a real hassle, and a constant source of frustration. It’s also the reason why we make you jump through a few hoops (well okay, one hoop – email verification) before you can start messaging people.

Okay, enough ranting about my sorry excuse for a life. Let’s just end it here with the fervent and heartfelt wish that one day I’ll be as awesome as this guy:

Just a brief one to let you know we’ve added live chat to the site. Come in and say hi; I should be idling in there (Janak).

In some perfect world, in some shining, ultimate future…

Welcome, salutations, kunik, and namasté. This is the inaugural post of the Casual Encounters blog, a community hub for people interested in hookups, swinging, anonymous sex, and friends with benefits.

What can you expect to see here? All sorts of stuff. Over the next few weeks and months we have posts planned on the topics of adult dating humor, booty calls, interviews, stories, and site reviews. We’re also going to use the blog to keep you updated regarding our adult dating websites and we’re hoping that you’ll share some of your stories and experiences with us.

Anything you’d like to see here? Anything you’d like to tell us, or sound off about? Let us know.

And in case any of you are wondering. The post title is a reference to this scene from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Kevin Costner at his most hilariously wooden and Alan Rickman at his most comically sinister. Costner’s delivery of the line just cracks me up.