How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 9 “Troubleshooting: When Women Behave Badly”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Sometimes women will do things that you won’t understand. It doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship, depending on what she does and how you handle it. If she seems the hysterical type, however, and flies off the rails at regular intervals then it’s best to say goodbye. Before we get started on the smaller problems, here are some women to flat out avoid:

She considers money an issue

If she never pays for anything herself, and gets grumpy about paying for things, she’s not worth it unless you’re looking for a one-night stand.

She has a lot of emotional baggage

Sadly, a lot of women suffer abuse at some point in their lives and this is not necessarily a sign that you shouldn’t see her. However, if she mentions it constantly and it infiltrates every part of your relationship, you should move on.

She is a psycho

A “psycho” is any woman who is often irrational, emotional, flips out regularly or even hits you. Run!

These are all extremes and most women are perfectly normal and lovely, though guaranteed they will occasionally behave in a way that you don’t understand. This is because they have different hormones and often think on a different level. The success of the relationship will depend on how you handle these confusing times.

Problems and How to Handle Them

Crying

Sometimes a woman will cry out of frustration or sheer emotion. It may have nothing to do with you. The best thing to do is not say anything, unless she’s angry with you. If she’s crying over something you said, some good responses are:
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I can see this is really important to you.”

If she’s not angry but just sad, take her in your arms and give her a hug. Don’t try and find out what the problem is while she’s still crying, wait until she’s calmed down.

When she is ready to talk, don’t try to reason with her or belittle her problems. She’s feeling a little irrational so the best thing to do is listen. If she is being irrational, most likely she will realize later and apologize.

Again, if she cries often, especially during sex, it’s best to say goodbye.

PMS

A lot of women suffer from Pre-Menstrual Syndrome, and all men in a relationship need to be aware of their girlfriend’s cycles. Common symptoms are getting a bit emotional (hence the crying sometimes) and being snappy. The best thing to do is stay away from her when she’s at her worst, but this shouldn’t be a massive problem as women who suffer from bad PMS usually have medicine for it. If it’s coming between you, or you feel she’s always explaining away bad behavior as PMS, then it’s not something that’s going away.

Manipulation

Sadly, some women learn from the young age that they can manipulate men into doing things they’d ordinarily refuse to do, such as paying more money for a gift than they feel comfortable with, saying goodbye to close friends that she doesn’t like, or generally giving ultimatums. She may use sex as a reward, only bestowing it if the man agrees to what she wants. She may seem difficult to please, and may occasionally “test” you to check your commitment to her.

This is not healthy behavior and she will know this deep down, but some behavior is ingrained and hard to give up. The reason for her manipulation is it’s an attempt to control you through playing mind games. Women are rarely able to control men physically, so this is her attempt to be one step ahead of you.

If your woman is frequently manipulative, here are some ways to deal with it:

Don’t lose your cool and fight with her

If you don’t remain calm, she’s already “won” in her eyes. You look like you can’t handle a bit of conflict; in short, you look weak. Try and agree with her and she’ll soon be pacified.

Let her know how important she is to you

If she feels secure she’s less likely to feel the need to test you on things. Telling her she’s important to you will calm her down. Remember, she’s not a bad person, just scared of losing control.

When she has a problem to discuss

Unlike most men, when a woman has a problem she usually wants to talk about it. Men often make the mistake of trying to solve her problem rationally, they think this is what she’s asking for when she talks about it. Wrong. A woman lets off steam by simply sharing her problem with someone, often it clears up things in her own head.

The man’s job is to simply listen and indicate that he is indeed listening by nodding and saying, “yes”, “uh-huh”, “right”, and all the other nonsensical indicators that he is paying attention.

On the other hand, if you have a problem and want to be alone to think, simply tell her this and she’ll understand. Going off on your own and not returning her calls will cause her to think she’s done something wrong. Simply be honest, tell her it’s not her but you’ve got something on your mind, and she’ll appreciate your straight-forwardness.

Remember, honesty plus listening plus romance equals lots of reward for you!

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3 Responses to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 9 “Troubleshooting: When Women Behave Badly””

  1. Daniel Paul Young Hitler
    March 11, 2010 at 9:06 pm #

    I prefer a man, who will listen to me, and sort my problems out without judgeing me to much.
    I dont really have any problems at all at the moment, I am quite settled in my home at the minuite.

  2. Daniel Paul Young Hitler
    March 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm #

    How do ve deal vith her, if she is a Jew?
    ve ask her to show us her freind, so ve can see his penis.
    If his name isn’nt martyn bloomfeild, then ve not interested.

  3. PT Lover
    March 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm #

    Lyla,

    I strongly disagree with you on a lot of these points. I feel it’s completely inappropriate to label or pigeon-hole certain women as “psycho” and to endorse blanket recommendations to avoid women who cry too much. Your decidedly non-feminist stance perpetuates dangerous stereotypes of hysterical, mentally ill women who are not valuable as people, let alone as lovers or partners. Overall, views such as yours denigrate the status of women and perpetuate our oppression at the hand of our intimate partners.

    In particular, your recommendation that women who cry too much, especially during sex, be discarded or bypassed is decidedly cold-blooded. It is particularly these women for whom sex is likely a trigger for a traumatic experience. Like all women, but especially so because of their history of trauma, they should be treated with compassion, as they are likely the most emotionally or mentally unstable. Your suggestions on the kind of “listening” men should do are equally vapid; what kind of woman wants a nonsensically murmuring bobble-head for a love interest? Please.

    Just because you are an author and so-called “sexpert” does not mean you are automatically up-to-date on the women’s movement. I recommend extensive study into feminist agency theory, so you can learn to develop a more realistic and less prescriptive perspective for how to deal with the range of emotions and experiences of women as diverse as, say, you and I.

    Cheers,
    PR Lover

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