How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 8 “The Second Date (and Beyond)”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Before the Second Date

After a successful first date, the second date should be a bit easier because you know her better, she knows you better, and you can plan a date (longer than the first: about four hours) based more around something specific she enjoys doing. The importance of planning cannot be stressed enough. Here are some things you need to plan:

Plan where to go

Here are some suggestions of where to go for the second date (keeping in mind her preferences)
– museums
– concerts
– an independent cinema
– a nice restaurant
– a beach or park
– amusement park
– plays
– zoo
– comedy club
– tourist spot

Remember to also have a back-up plan, in case of weather problems or if she has a strong objection to your choice.

Buy her a small gift

Women love surprises, and in their minds it’s the little details that matter, so buying her a little present relevant to the date will really impress her. If you go to the zoo, buy her a little toy animal. If you go to a play or concert, buy her a programme. It’s not the expense–in fact buying her an expensive gift may freak her out a little bit–it’s the thought.

Prepare for any outcome

If you’ve asked her out again, your intentions will be clear to her, and how she responds will depend completely on her. You will get a feeling of the right time to make your move, but even if you’re unsure, plan for the best-case scenario. This means having clean sheets on your bed, wearing clean clothes, and bringing condoms. Don’t set up your room romantically (with candles etc.) as this will tell her you were sure she’d sleep with you, and gives your room the look of a lion’s den of seduction – not a good look.

During the Date

Be punctual

You must be punctual for the date. It shows your interest and respect. Remember the beginning of the date is where the rest follows on from. Start it well.

Be romantic and upbeat

Asking romantic questions during a date is a bit like foreplay for her – it stimulates all the feelings that you want her to have. During the second date is when you can find out what she likes. You can ask her jokingly, but you’ll probably be surprised by the detail of her answers.

Also keep topics of discussion upbeat. Don’t get into a debate on feminism, world poverty, or any topic that is heavy and heated. Don’t appear submissive, i.e. complain about how much you hate your job or anything that makes you look like a victim.

Remember to treat her romantically, not as one of your male friends. Compliment her, it shows that you notice her and appreciate the effort she’s made to look good for you.

Very important: focus on her, not on other women!

The First Kiss

If you wait for the woman to make the first move, you could be waiting a long time, as it’s traditionally the man who initiates the first kiss. A sexy man is one who knows what he wants and goes for it.

Providing you’ve done things right up to this point, the first kiss should happen naturally. If you’ve been romantic, made her laugh, paid attention to detail and done all the other things this book suggests then your kiss won’t be a mountain to climb, but a stepping stone in the general progression of things.

For more information on how to please her in bed, the second part of this series is for you. But here we will outline some facts about the first kiss and how to make it go well.

When to do it

Before you go for it, certain conditions must be met or she’ll say no. However, if you’re not concentrating on it but a situation arises where it suddenly “feels right”, just go for it!

When you do make the first move, she must be aware that you want her, so don’t take her by surprise. Of course, she has to want you too. If you’re really not sure if the time’s right, here are some ways to find out:

Before the Kiss

Touch her

Try touching her hand casually, such as when you’re passing her something, to gauge her reaction. If she doesn’t pull away, try prolonging the touch. If her face flushes and her eyes light up, that’s a positive sign. If she pulls away, it’s not the right time.

Hug her and kiss her on the face

If you’re in the initial few days of a relationship, keep these brief as she’ll begin to associate you with friendly hugs and gentle pecks on the cheek. These are affectionate gestures that bring you closer, so if she enjoys them it’s a sign you can get more passionate soon.

Check that she’s keen to prolong time with you

After the first part of your date, such as a concert, suggest you go for a coffee. If she’s enthusiastic to spend more time with you, this is her chance to show it. If she is, she’ll probably be responsive when you try to kiss her later.

If she seems happy and interested in you then exactly when you kiss her will all depend on timing. You will know when the mood is there. Don’t wait until the kiss goodnight, this isn’t a Hollywood movie. Kiss her when the feeling is there.

It is possible that no matter how well things are going, she may still say no. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to kiss you ever, so you can still try again later. Be a gentleman; don’t get rude or angry about it.

How to do it

The first kiss shouldn’t be a shock to her, as all the stages leading up to it have been a kind of “preparation” for this moment. Again, however, you’ve done so well up to now that you don’t want to ruin it, so remember to start gentle and not to ram your tongue into her mouth. This is not a race, just your first passionate moment together. She obviously desires you, so you will need to decide when to stop it. If she’s pressing up against you hard and breathing heavily, don’t stop! But usually the first kiss should be short and gentle, as it’s only the prelude of what’s to come.

Here are two case studies to show you how the advice so far works on a practical level.

Case Study One: Richard’s Successful Seduction

Richard had been trying for as long as he could remember to pick up a woman, but they never seemed interested, or just wanted to be friends. He couldn’t understand it; he was good-looking, a successful banker and loaded with cash. Surely women should be dropping at his feet?

On a recent date which he felt to be going well, he noticed his date was about to fall asleep. He asked her what was wrong.

“It’s just…You don’t stop talking about yourself!” she burst out.

Richard hotly denied this, but later he went home and thought about it.

Maybe he had just been thinking about himself, and not the women he was with. A few days later, when he was walking his dog, he saw an attractive woman resting on a bench with her own dog. He smiled at her and she smiled back.
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help noticing what a healthy coat your dog has. How do you keep it looking so good?” he asked. They fell into a conversation, Richard all the time making an effort to listen to her, ask her questions and show her he heard what she said. He didn’t even mention his job, but kept the conversation on topics that obviously interested her.

It was a hot day so he suggested they go for a drink and she agreed.

After chatting for a while, they were laughing together and he could see that she liked him. He ended the meeting first, saying he had to go, and hoped that she’d want to see him again.

He said, “It was really nice meeting you and I’d like to see you again. Could I have your phone number?”

“Sure,” she said and scribbled it down on a piece of paper. Richard knew that sometime in the near future she’d be in his bed, and all it had taken on his part was a slight change of behavior.

Case Study Two: Nigel’s Disaster Date

Nigel was a nice guy, but he was always nervous around women. He’d never had a female friend, had no sisters and didn’t really know what women were like. He was so terrified of rejection that he barely left the house. One day his friends decided to take him out for the night. They made sure he was clean and well-dressed, then headed for a trendy bar in town.

Inside it was packed. They finally squeezed into a table in the corner, downed a few drinks and surveyed the crowd.

Nigel’s eyes locked with those of an incredibly sexy woman, wearing a very tight dress and for some unimaginable reason, sitting alone. She smiled at him and he looked down, his face blushing furiously. One of his friends had seen them. “Hey, she likes you man!” he teased Nigel. “Go talk to her.” So a few beers later and a bit more encouragement, Nigel stood up unsteadily and walked over. She smiled up and him and said, “hi.”

“How’s it going?” said Nigel shyly. Suddenly a drunk man on the other side of the room started singing/yelling, and they smiled at each other. Nigel relaxed and soon they were chatting easily. When one of his friends came over and said they were going, Nigel told her, “I’m really sorry but I’ve got to go now, but I really enjoyed talking to you. Could I call you sometime?” She gave him her number and he went home feeling like a million bucks.

The next day, however, he was hung-over and scared once more. What had he done? He wanted to call her, but couldn’t face the pressure of it all. Finally he picked up the phone, dialed quickly and when she answered, blurted: “Hi it’s me, just calling to see if you wanted to go to a movie, I’ll meet you at the Odeon on Thursday night at 7pm, okay?
“O-okay…” she replied uncertainly.
“Bye!” He hung up, feeling better. That wasn’t so hard.

On Thursday night he waited outside the cinema, a bag of nerves again. He looked at his watch impatiently; she was late. Finally she showed up and he snapped, “We don’t have much time now. Let’s just get the tickets.”

The movie he had chosen was an R18 with graphic sex scenes. He always enjoyed watching sex and assumed she would too. They sat in silence until the film started, then when a sex scene came on, Nigel leaned over to her. She moved away and he returned to the film, feeling hurt and angry. What was she playing at?

After the film, they followed the crowd back outside. “Come home with me,” Nigel said. He’d prepared his room with candles, soft music, and had lots of sexy posters. “Uh, no, I have to go now.” She turned and ran quickly in the opposite direction. Nigel couldn’t believe it, and trudged home thinking women were the weirdest creatures.

From Richard and Nigel’s examples, you can see how the advice from this book on making a woman feel good, when you meet her and when you take her out, can be used in practice.

For information on how to please her in bed, the second part of this series is for you, but for now let’s look ahead to problems men encounter when they start seeing women, how to break up nicely, and achieving long-term success in a relationship with a woman.

2 Responses to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 8 “The Second Date (and Beyond)””

  1. Daniel Paul Young Hitler
    March 12, 2010 at 9:05 am #

    Can I just say tbat I am deffinatley not a Nigel !!.
    I know someone who is tho, and it’s not really all his fault, I still don’t fancy him though.
    Thear is a man that I fancy, and I want to ask him out, although I just don’t want to invade his personal space by going onto his Universtity site.
    Part of the reason why I am going to take up a course thear, and get a job in a bar whear he drinks :>>>>>> x x

  2. Daniel Paul Young Hitler
    March 23, 2010 at 8:18 am #

    I can’t wait !

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