How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 6 “Approaching Her”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

You’ve seen her, you know you want her, and you’re pretty sure she’s interested in you. Now’s the time to talk to her. As mentioned before, a woman can be seduced anytime and anywhere. You will know when the time is right for you.

What to say

Just go up to her and say hello, and your name. This is the simplest, most genuine, most foolproof first line. Then ask her what her name is and then remember her name. This shows you think she’s special enough to commit her name to memory.

When you talk to her you want to personalize your discussion and not use lines that you have memorized. Before you approach her, look at her to see if there’s something you can use at the beginning of the conversation, such as a book she’s carrying, an interesting drink she’s holding, anything that will get her talking.

Woman love being complimented, it makes them feel appreciated. Look at her, decide on something in particular that attracts you to her and use it during your conversation.

Also think about where you are and use that during your approach. If you’re at a concert, ask her what she thought of the band. If you’re in a park, ask here if she’s seen the Monument and show it to her. Wherever you are, there’s a wealth of material at your fingertips to take the pressure off you.

Things to do (and not to do) when talking to her

Firstly, have a sense of humor. This will help her relax, but just bear these things in mind:

1) Don’t jokingly insult her, especially not her appearance. You may do this with your guy friends, but women are generally more sensitive.
2) Don’t put yourself down. You may think this is funny, and she may think so too and laugh, but you don’t want her laughing at you! This is not seductive.
3) Don’t joke about violence. The last thing you want to do is frighten her. Look in the papers to see what kind of atrocities happen to women and you’ll understand why women are easily frightened off by aggression.
4) Don’t just be a clown. Some clowning is good, but too much and she’ll see you affectionately but not romantically.

Secondly, ask her questions. This does several things. It puts the spotlight on her, giving you a break from the pressure of finding something to say, it tells her that you’re interested in her as a person, and it helps you to get to know her interests so you can raise them again in conversation. That shows her you’ve been listening too. Extra bonus points!

These are some basic facts about how to approach a woman. It’s likely that she will see how interested you are and be willing to chat with you. (However, if she is cold and unfriendly don’t get angry, just move on.) You learn through practice, and as you become more confident and earn her trust, which is absolutely vital, you can ask her out.

How to ask her out

After a while, you both seem to be getting on well and you want to see her again. It’s better not to organize a date on the spot, give yourself time to think over what she’s said and what she might want to do.
So, after a successful session of flirting, you ask her for her phone number and she says yes. If you are terribly nervous, you can give her your business card, but the chances of her calling you back are incredibly low. To her, it looks as if you could be handing out your card to everyone and that you have an inflated sense of self-importance. Either that or you’re passive. So take a risk and get her number. Be confident about it, say that you would like to see her again. Remember the mantra: You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get! It’s simple but almost too simple for people to remember.

When to call, what to say

When calling (and there is no “right” time to call, just don’t call the same day and don’t leave it a month) try to avoid leaving a message, but you may have to if she’s busy or screens calls. If you do leave a message, keep it short. If she doesn’t return your call, try again, but on the third call say it’s be your last for a while if she doesn’t respond. Don’t be needy or confrontational.

The first thing you need to say when you call is your name, to remind her of who you are and where you met. When suggesting the date, plan where you want to go (and when) before you ask her. This shows you’re decisive, doesn’t put her on the spot to suggest something and gives you the advantage of selecting a place where you feel comfortable.

Don’t call her the day before you want to see her! It seems thoughtless and like you’re assuming she’ll either drop all plans to be with you, or she isn’t popular enough to have any. Give her a few days’ notice.

Before the call you may be feeling a bit nervous, so jot down some notes in case you get stage fright. Remind yourself that she gave you her number so she wants you to call.

Remember also to keep the call short. Your goal is to arrange a date with her, so keep it relaxed, don’t interrupt her and make a plan.


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