How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 2 “What NOT to Do Around a Woman”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert


As promised, this part of my How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand series focuses on what NOT to do around a woman you’re trying to seduce. Guys, listen up!

1) Don’t act like you’re going in for the kill

Okay, so you’re armed with techniques to attract her, but if you’re standing in front of her with a determined expression firing off rehearsed lines, she’ll run a mile. Relax. She’s a human being, just like you, with her own insecurities. When you’re relaxed, you’ll make her feel relaxed.

2) Respect her reasons for not being interested
You could be the nicest, cleanest, funniest guy in the world and she could still not be interested. This could be for any number of reasons. First, she may have a boyfriend in which case, back off. Men who don’t respect that a girl’s in a relationship seem pushy. Some men are unfazed by her relationship and carry on regardless. What you do is your decision, but it’s not recommended.

Second, she may simply not be interested in meeting a man at this time. She may be happily single, preoccupied with something else such as a demanding career, whatever. It’s nothing personal.

Finally, she may simply not be interested in you. I know that sounds harsh, when you’ve mustered up the courage to approach her and made yourself look so good. But there’s such a thing as chemistry, and if she can’t feel it then it won’t happen. It’s disappointing and sometimes crushing but the important thing is not to be put off. Often it’s a numbers game that you have to persevere at. Hopefully she won’t be mean about it, but however coldly she responds, accept her decision and try again. As mentioned above, some women do warm to a man who perseveres, so if you feel it’s a matter of time then you could try this approach. But if she’s downright rude then it’s a strong sign to move on.

Remember it’s all practice, it’s all experience, all men go through it. Don’t give up!

3) Don’t use corny pick-up lines or touch her too soon
Many men place far too much emphasis on the first line, thinking it’s monumental significance and charm will win her over forever. Sorry, but women aren’t that shallow! There are some god-awful lines out there that will guarantee you rejection.

For example:

“Look at you, in your pretty little dress.” (patronizing)
“How old are you?” (nosey)
“I saw you in line for the girl’s bathroom.” (So? Why are you hanging around there?)
“Have you ever kissed another girl?” (sleazy)

Don’t memorize gags and jokes beforehand, they sound forced. For what to say to her, wait for Part 6: Approaching Her.

You should let her initiate the touching, which she is likely to do as women use touching as a sign she’s bonding with you, such as putting her hand on your arm.

4) Don’t kiss her at the wrong time or ask for permission
By the “wrong time” I mean when she’s feeling vulnerable about something, for example she’s had a fight with a friend or just had a bad day. Hold her, sure, and you could try for more if she responds, but lunging at her will get you nowhere.

It’s hard for a woman to respect a man who asks for permission. We know he’s trying to communicate sensitivity, but all we hear is, “I can’t make my own decisions”, and it kind of breaks the moment. You’re a man, just go for it when you feel it’s the right time. If she doesn’t respond, be nice about it. There’ll be another time.

5) Plus a few more..
Don’t slobber over her, especially if she’s made herself look really nice for you; don’t brag about things, don’t watch a sports game on a date unless she wants to as well; don’t order her around (this includes in bed as well as out); don’t leave your porn collection lying around for her to see; don’t talk about other women; and finally, don’t pretend to know about things when you really have no idea.

Now you have a few ideas about things to avoid, we can move on to successful seduction techniques, the first being how to attract her physically.

One Response to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 2 “What NOT to Do Around a Woman””

  1. Norm
    November 27, 2009 at 8:32 pm #

    You’ve just eliminated every man out there!

    Just kidding… well written.

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