How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 1 “What Women Want From Men”

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

Lyla Marsh, Author and Sexpert

I’d like to take this opportunity to welcome on board noted author and sex expert Lyla Marsh, who will be guest blogging a series here that she has entitled “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand”. Over the next few weeks she’ll be sharing with us her personal insights into hooking up, seduction, adult dating, and the art of pleasuring women.

Lyla, over to you!

Thanks Janak. My pleasure to be here, and thanks again for inviting me. I hope your readers will enjoy my series as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it!

I thought we’d begin the series by answering a question I seem to hear every day from at least one of my male readers: what DO women want from men? Unfortunately the answer to this one isn’t straightforward. Women want LOTS of things from men! We’re greedy like that!

However, for the sake of everyone’s sanity and bearing in mind that we don’t want you guys falling asleep on us (a notorious male bad habit), I’ll try to keep our wish list manageable. Let’s step through the most important things women want from their men and spend a little time expanding on each thing.

To some men this is like trying to discover the secrets of the universe. As author John Gray says, it’s like women come from another planet. How do you find out what they want? The answer is, by talking to them and learning to read their signals. Communication is the most important thing by far. Remember this doesn’t mean talking about yourself for hours while she falls asleep – a lot of men get nervous and have a tendency to do this. Communication means listening, looking, and body language. Women want to know you’re interested in more than their bodies, that you’re paying attention to them. Also, a good listener usually means a good lover in a woman’s mind. You’ll be amazed at her response if you simply listen to what she has to say. A lot of men don’t.

Trying to be someone you aren’t is the wrong way to go. A fake personality is obvious and you’ll only end up digging yourself into a hole. Women respect a man who is genuine. If you ever read the personals in a newspaper, or hang out in a chat room on the internet, people invariably lie about themselves: “6-foot dark-haired muscle man [insert false age here]” and so on. What happens when your untruths are exposed? I saw a personal ad once that said: “Chubby, 40-something unemployed couch potato seeks kindred spirit.” This man got an unbelievable amount of replies, his approach was so refreshing – and honest. A woman can really open up to a man she trusts.

A man who knows what he wants and goes for it is unbelievably sexy to a woman. It shows that he has the confidence and desire to pursue her. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should bother a woman who is clearly not interested or is in a happy relationship with someone else. But if you can show her you’re willing to overcome a few obstacles, such as her busy schedule or wariness of rushing things, she’ll really appreciate it.

Of course women want romance. Think about it: from the day they’re born they’re read stories by their parents, stories about princesses and castles and Happily Ever Afters with princes who don’t fart and have beautiful steeds. Now rationally women know that in the new millenium none of this will happen, but they’ve been conditioned enough to hope some aspect of it will permeate their lives. So the key is not to don a suit of armor, rather to take key elements of the fairytale and manipulate them to please her.

The most romantic thing a man can do for a woman is appreciate her. A woman will spend hours (and money) trying to look her best for a man, so acknowledge this by paying her little compliments. It shows that you notice her and admire her. By making her feel special, she is much more likely to “reward” you later..

You also need to be patient. Men make the mistake of expecting instant gratification, which makes it clear to the woman that he’s only after her for sex. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable so go slow.

A man of mystery is always the most exciting in a story, he creates intrigue and excites her into wanting more. Women love anonymous Valentines Day cards for example, because they can use their imaginations to create a fantasy. Keep a few things to yourself, without being devious, and she’ll want to know you better – mentally and physically.

Being spontaneous is incredibly romantic and a huge turn-on for women, especially in a long-term relationship. It keeps things fresh and stimulating. This doesn’t necessarily mean flowers and chocolates, just doing something out of the ordinary. Plan something for the two of you to do together, bring her breakfast in bed, any kind of nice surprise that breaks the routine a bit and stirs up the kind of feelings that were there when you started dating. A man who is romantic will always succeed with women, because through romantic gestures it’s like he’s speaking her language and showing that he understands her needs. You must use tour own special talent to create the romance, be it acting, writing, art, sports; it’s all about creating an illusion out of the ordinary.

A Sense of Humor
Of course this isn’t enough in itself to make a woman desire you, but it’s a great plus and a great way to get her attention. If you laugh, it lightens the mood and breaks the tension, and she’s likely to laugh with you. The ability to make a woman laugh is a great plus, and it shows her that you’re confident and relaxed around them.

So there we have it. Do our demands seem so unreasonable? Guys?

Of course, as well as knowing the basic things that please women, you need to know how not to screw up your seduction routine. Women are easily turned off, especially at the beginning when they don’t know you. With that in mind, my next post will be on the subject of what not to do around women. Stay tuned!

3 Responses to “How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand – Part 1 “What Women Want From Men””

  1. Sleazy
    June 21, 2009 at 7:07 pm #

    This seems to be a really interesting site. I have only skimmed some of the content so far, but let me just make one point:

    You write:

    “Men make the mistake of expecting instant gratification, which makes it clear to the woman that he’s only after her for sex. You don’t want to make her uncomfortable so go slow.”

    Well, judging from my experience with women one of the keys to rapid seduction (I am talking of time spans of under thirty minutes) is to deny instant gratification to the woman (!) and always keep her wanting more. To give you just one example: many men make the mistake that they keep making out with the girl, but break the make out in the right moment and you will make her chase after you like you wouldn’t believe, especially, if you “accidentally” touched her breasts or crotch. Those are incredibly potent techniques.

    • admin
      June 21, 2009 at 8:11 pm #

      Sounds reasonable. And probably something most women already know to do when seducing men.

  2. Darrell McArthur
    January 31, 2010 at 2:12 am #

    Great Blog! I agree totally!

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